How can I get on with other women?

[newMNer]

Hi. Sorry this is long, and I'm quite new to this site.
I've have struggled with this all my life and I feel constantly 'gutted' that I just can't seem to 'fit in'.
I'm, as a lot of men say, very female, although I do have a logical mind. I'm not hugely expressive when it comes to emotions, but I do deeply feel them, and empathise with others massively.
I think my issue could be to do with the fact I had no mother and only brothers, and I had no other females in my life. I then went to college and was the only girl on my course. I was one of two girls on my Uni course (she was very popular, I wasn't!) and then every job I've had, I've been the only female.
I do try to get on with women, but I can honestly say, there are no women in my life who I can call and go for a drink with. I see others meet and form friendships with each other, but I just seem to be left at the small talk stage, and sometimes it degrades into nothing at all and I'm ignored.
I do think there's something wrong with me, but I just don't know what. It's really getting me down as I feel very alone. I have some male friends, but when they get married or heavily involved in a relationship, I understandably get pushed aside. For some reason a lot of people think you're sleeping with men when you're just friends with them.

Anyway, I'm getting very down now about it. I have 3 children, including a baby and I spend every single day, evening and night alone, when my partner's not here, which is a lot. Yet I'm a friendly, sociable person and very much interested in a lot of things women are.

My brothers live far away and I still feel very much like a stranger to this town, after being here 9 years.
I don't want to be this alone for the rest of my life, but I also don't want to seem desperate! I just want to belong to a social group, and would love to be able to fit in with other women. Any advise would be great. If not, then at least I've got it off my chest for today.

Good question? I've a few male friends who really know me well and we do have deep and meaningful conversations, even involving emotions. As said though, I hardly seem them now and can't call them to go out for a drink or anything, as they're now married or in serious relationships, and it's just happened that way, that we no longer have that sort of relationship ourselves.

But in answer to your questions, I guess, both. One close friend would be a start. More would be welcome. But, I also wouldn't mind being invited to some girls nights out or just get-togethers with partners too, just to enjoy the company of a variety of people. I think really it's about having people in your life to share experiences with, to have fun with, even to help out and care about, but also having people in your life who you can just have fun with. I think when you've none of it, no family around and no local friends, so no-one to call, no-one to go for a drink with, etc., then even just one friend is a real bonus. Being aware I don't have this, and realising actually I'd like more females in my life, I'm seeing the pattern of how I ever have had that and wondering what I can do about me.

Long answer sorry. I realise though, I've been living, working with, studying with men all my life, I probably do tend to express things in a more blokey way, but I'm definately a feminine girl! One of my male friends goes out with really attractive girly girl, and recently he said he wishes she was as feminine as me. And then later on he said to me "if you were a girl...", and then realised what he said. Not sure how I seem to people really. But anyway, I'm waffling again now. Sorry!

Got to go collect kids from swimming club now, then it'll be all go until late. So have a lovely Friday evening to whoever's reading this.

Also, Buddy80, in MyMumsnet you can setup a profile, and also a photo album that can be kept private (mine isn't right now). You can then add mates and give them permission to see the photos. You can add stuff to the photo captions that all mumsnetters wont see, only those selected mates. So more details can be added there if you want to let mates know them and no-one else.

It also means you can easily find each other in Talk, so you can join in similar threads, so like chatting really.

When you click on the MNer's name, you get to their profile (if they have one) and there you should find the photos link. Actually I just made mine private, so only my mates can see it (so far just added you Buddy80, as you asked about it). Writing this quickly, sorry if it doesn't make sense.

Hi NewMNer, thats great! Trying to get it sorted out now

you can add me too if you like

Ok, think I am getting there...slowly, very slowly

I have added you NewMNer - and clicked the option to allow CAT messages (?). Is that it? I cannot find anything else I need to do?

SugarDumpling: Was that a message for me or for Newmner?

NewMNer I like your posting style. Have you considered that one of the reasons it can be difficult to make friends is that you are surrounded by tedious people with whom you will never have anything in common?

I spent 8 years living in a small town in Kent and made 3 friends, all of whom were my immediate neighbours. I started to worry that I was boring, not good at making friends etc. Then I moved to Leicester and I now have loads of friends, simply because a) there are more people here, so more likely that I will find people I have something in common with and b) the kind of people who live here are more like me than the ones who lived in the small Kent town (I could start to get quite insulting now but will restrain myself!).

Hi, looks like I will not be able to recieve messages as I haven't paid the £5 to do so!

Buddy80, I haven't paid £5 either. It's just that with the list, at least we can remember each other - from the 1000's on the site, especially when this thread becomes lost over time, and sometimes people do name changes. I'm sure I'll have to soon as I wont be a new MumsNetter anymore. Out of interest, did you get to see the photo on my profile? Not that I'm desperate for you to see me! Just checking it shows up to people in my list!

sugardumpling, I'll add you too. About your comment regarding personality traits. Yes, I do think we probably have. I'm sure you can develop more male-like behaviour if you're not exposed to many females in your life. Although I think some things are caused by nature and some nurture. I'm definitely naturally feminine, but I think, with developed typical male traits. I guess it can mean you respond very differently to what some women expect. Maybe it can seem worse from a woman too.

Out of interest, has anyone read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? or any of those books that discuss the differences? If so, do you relate more to the description of the man or woman?

TheProvincialLady, I do agree with your comment about the town. I've often blamed the town I live in, in the ways you describe. Although, I've lived in Brighton and Essex before and still struggled - because of me being the way I am, whatever that is. But even if where I live is a factor I'm stuck here for some time now.

Anyway, happy rest of Friday night to you all... As for me, this really isn't cleaning my house for a viewing (to sell it) tomorrow morning is it?!

Also, whitecloud, let us know how your WI meeting goes? and thanks for the re-assurance about my DD too.

Right, need to do cleaning.

Thanks, new MNer. Am feeling nervous, but I;ll give it a go! Try and relax if I can. Glad you feel reassured about your dd.

Thanks for starting this thread - it is the worst when you feel you are the only one and I'm obviously not!

Take care.

newMNer and co - went to WI meeting. Managed to chat and it went quite well. Am going on a walk with them on Monday. Just have to keep trying!