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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hubby fishing taking over our relationship

18 replies

blueberryscone · 30/09/2009 22:21

Since my husband was young lad he has loved fishing. When we had our 1st DD he didn't do any fishing mainly because we couldn't afford it.

My problem is he has 1 day off work a week and insists on going fishing. I wouldn't mind but it is for 12-15 hrs a day. I had planned for us to go out for some lunch tomorrow as my youngest DD is in full time nursery and i cannot remember the last time we spent together as a couple.

I have tried to reason with him asking if he could come home early but he won't budge. Am i just being awful? I feel so resentful. What can i do? Thanks

OP posts:
groundhogs · 30/09/2009 22:26

Hmm, not sounding as he's compromising much is he.

That's not fair.

I think you need to keep sitting down with him and explaining to him that while you are delighted that he is enjoying himself again, he needs to agree to perhaps every other day off with you and the family.

Is there anyone, his mum, you could ask to back you up with this?

rookiemater · 30/09/2009 22:32

Is this one day off a week as well as the weekend or his only day ?

Either way he is being incredibly selfish, great that he has a hobby but he is a father and whilst he doesn't need to give up his hobby he has to pursue it in a way that is fair to you and also allows him to spend time with the family that he chose to make.

Only way to stop this is to insist on equal free time, this will result in you spending absolutely no time together as a family, but hopefully will soon get the message.

Or as groundhogs says you need to agree on number of times. I think that even every other weekend is too much with 2(?) DCs so I would be saying once every 4 weeks and you make sure to take time out for yourself equally.

Original poster
blueberryscone · 30/09/2009 22:32

I have tried to compromise by saying he can go every other week but NO he isn't having any of it!

Feel a bit lonely on my own at the moment i was so used to looking after my children and now they are in school/nursery it is strange. I just thought it would be nice to go out as a couple not been out in yrs.

Unfortunately he has very little to do with his family.

OP posts:
Original poster
blueberryscone · 30/09/2009 22:34

It is his only day off. He works weekends. He is here now arsing about with bait and things i have switched off all looks the same to me.

OP posts:
rookiemater · 30/09/2009 22:45

That's not fair on you or your children bbs and I think you know it.

When you say you have talked to him before what have you said ?
Is fishing an all year round sport or just a good weahter one?

Original poster
blueberryscone · 30/09/2009 23:21

I think fishing is an all round sport now. I have asked him nicely before if he is going to go fishing if he can limit the hrs he goes say 4-6 hrs and asked if can go once every couple of weeks so we can go out as a family but i am getting nowhere.

Am so sorry this is so trivial. He has tried taking our son fishing but he is not interested in the slightest.

OP posts:
nje3006 · 01/10/2009 09:18

My DP's hobby is fishing too, he's done it since he was a small boy. He does salmon fishing so that is seasonal. eg today he has taken a day off work as part of his holiday and is fishing all day. He has a stressful desk job and it's a good way for him to unwind. In the season it's frequent, he takes a week off work and goes every day. I take a holiday with my girlfriends every year at the height of the season.

But if this is his only day off a week and he spends all day fishing that doesn't sound reasonable. When do you get a break? When does he look after the dc's so you get some downtime for yourself, let alone together time which is so essential for the long term health of a relationship.

It's hard to know what to do if he's not listening to you at all. But he's heading for trouble if he doesn't listen to your reasonable requests...

BonsoirAnna · 01/10/2009 09:24

He works 6 days a week and goes fishing on his day off? That is grossly unfair of him.

maybebaby23 · 01/10/2009 09:36

My DF does this!!! He has 2 days off a week though. He will leave to go fishing at something stupid like 4am, and won't be back until 7pm He is going again this afternoon (i won the battle today and he is only going for a few hours) So i have horrid bait boxes and all the fishing stuff sitting in my hall now

Know how you feel! DF says he will go both days when our girls get bigger as they will want to go with him!!! I think not somehow!!

Original poster
blueberryscone · 01/10/2009 11:32

I have had the last laugh anyway i have taken some money out of our account and been shopping this morning. Will serve him right! I go mad the cupboard under our stairs is packed with fishing rubbish i have asked him to put it in the shed but he says it is too precious! Blinking nutter. He also puts maggotts in the fridge.

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsSURVIVED · 01/10/2009 11:35

Why have you had the last laugh and why will it serve him right that you have spent some money?

Original poster
blueberryscone · 01/10/2009 11:45

It is money he had saved up for a new rod and reel. As if he hasn't got enough already! In our joint account.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 01/10/2009 11:48

So when do you get time to pursue your hobbies/interests/ just relax and not be doing either chores or childcare? DOnt prioritize 'couple time' with a lazy selfish man as he will just expect that to mean 'more sex': work on getting time FOR YOURSELF. Even if that means going out and staying overnight with a friend so he can;t just fuck off and leave you with the DC.

Avendesora · 01/10/2009 14:17

Which is your day off? Next time its his day off get up early and go fishing

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/10/2009 00:39

Oh dear!!

DP goes fishing on his days off as well...and when it is not too cold I go along with ds1 and ds2. if it is too cold for ds2 (2yrs) ds1 and dp go.
I love fishing but had never tried it before 2 yrs ago.
DS2 has been going since he was months old...and even he likes fishing.

{disclaimer: not all bait is the same depends on whether it is coarse fishing, salmon, trout, carp etc }

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/10/2009 00:39

and you can never had enough rods and reels or poles!

jabberwocky · 13/10/2009 02:34

I actually divorced my ex-h mainly over this. BUT, we did not have children together. So I would say at this point your best bet is to take up fishing...

anonymous85 · 13/10/2009 05:49

Why is that men can just go do whatever they please

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