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Original poster

can you really remarry "too soon" after a berevament

82 replies

CNyle · 26/09/2009 13:24

you STILL hear abotu this dont you

like here

does it really matter?

OP posts:
alwayslookingforanswers · 26/09/2009 15:53

oooo OJ is he nice then

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/09/2009 15:56

Malificence maybe you should set up some kind of trust fund if you can't trust your husband to be with someone who wouldn't take money you see as hers.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/09/2009 15:56

OJ but you said......

tell me more

FiveGoMadonTheDanceFloor · 26/09/2009 15:59

My FIL married his late wife's sister (DH's aunt) 9 months after his wifes death. He had been having an affair with her for 3 years prior to that and was caught in bed with her the day of DH's mothers funeral by his daughter. That and other things have led to a total breakdown of communication with them.

Original poster
CNyle · 26/09/2009 16:03

nice guy

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 26/09/2009 16:05

I thought I hadn't seen retiredgoth around for ages- he was obvious off having a RL

Very glad to hear it.

alwayslookingforanswers · 26/09/2009 16:06

maybe we'll soon have a MrsGoth posting along with MrGoth

expatinscotland · 26/09/2009 16:07

Maybe, Heated and Deemented. That's why I only said, 'Yes, it's possible to remarry too soon' and not stated a specific time limit and stated it's different for everyone and for their families.

I do feel uncomfortable with Sally's participation in this particular piece, though, tbh.

I think she's tactless, tbh.

Sure, feel all that, but if it really doesn't matter to you what others think why do an article like this? Especially having so much concern for Russ and Caron's two sons (because as much as she refers to them as 'her boys', they're not, they are Russ's and Caron's).

Also, I wouldn't want to broadcast being close friends with Anthea Turner and Gavin what's-his-face too much. You're known by the company you keep, and the two of them have the moral compass of alleycats in season.

Morloth · 26/09/2009 16:08

LOL at inheritance, we have been positively encouraging my mother to go mad with the money she had dad acrued together through lots and lots of hard work. Why shouldn't she? It is her money! She has been single since dad died 18 years ago, by choice but if she met someone and wanted to lavish them with money and they both knew the state of the relationship why not?

It isn't mine nor my sibling's money. They already gave us everything we needed, we are all happy, settled and successful. If she runs out of dosh and needs us, one of us will look after her (not likely as she is pretty clever my mum).

diddl · 26/09/2009 16:21

I´m not so sure if it´s too soon or for the wrong reasons, TBH.

If you´ve found the right person,how could it be too soon?

YeahBut · 26/09/2009 16:30

Can't believe no-one has mentioned Macca yet...

TrinityRhino · 26/09/2009 16:34

well 5 weeks down the line and I cant ever imagine marrying again and 5 months would be tyoo soon for a relationship I feel

but on a lighter note...

how long before I can get shag happy [grin}

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/09/2009 16:36

I can't believe it is 5 weeks already, Trinity. How are you lovie?

BitOfFun · 26/09/2009 16:40

TR, I think that happens during the "keeping it quiet phase" people have mentioned

expatinscotland · 26/09/2009 16:42

'If you´ve found the right person,how could it be too soon? '

Because it might be too soon for others involved if the two of you have children still at home.

RubysReturn · 26/09/2009 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrinityRhino · 26/09/2009 16:47

well it'll be 5 weeks on monday..

I'm ok, I think...

so answer the question then

BitOfFun · 26/09/2009 17:11

I think you must have come up with the Impossible Etiquette Dilemma of the day there!

Original poster
CNyle · 26/09/2009 17:14

hi TR
its me
pouchofdouglas

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 26/09/2009 17:21

FWIW I think a lot of people in general rush into 'making commitments' too soon, because they are desperate, or don't want to do their own housework any more, or want to demonstrate that they can attract a partner. I can appreciate that it's very tricky for a widowed parent to find a nice partner that the DC accept as well (and not ever having been in such a situation will not comment further).
Though for every bereavement sufferer who feels thats/he could never date again, there must be one or two who, having put up with an unsatisfactory partner for ages, find it a struggle to hang on till the funeral before heading cheerfully out to the nearest pulling parlour.

Deemented · 26/09/2009 17:34

Sorry, Expat, but i find the comment 'It might be too soon if the two of you have young children at home' quite condescending. The implication seems to be that it would be preferable for my children that i stay single til they leave home, rather then have found happiness with a good man whom my children like and who makes me smile after a long time of having nothing to smile about.

I don't think it would be healthy for any child to watch their parent suffer such distress for years.. to be lonely and unhappy.

I'm only in this relationship because my son is happy with it - if he was in any way unhappy with it, then i'd have certainly thought twice.

Sometimes though, you have to live for yourself as well as your kids.

expatinscotland · 26/09/2009 18:10

There's no personal implication to that statement at all, Deemented, but read into it what you will.

Like I said, I have a good friend who remarried just five months after her husband's death, and brought the boyfriend in to live with her and her 5 kids after just three.

And it was too soon for the kids and their relationship with their mother was destroyed.

It does happen.

There is such a thing as too soon.

I've tried to word my post carefully, because it's different for every situation, but if you want to take it personally I can't help that.

expatinscotland · 26/09/2009 18:12

Sorry, my friend's mother remarried 5 months after her husband's death.

traceybath · 26/09/2009 19:17

For me I think it would depend on the age of the children to some extent.

My DC's are currently 9 wks, 21 months and 5 and i anything were to happen to me when they were so little I would definitely want DH to re-marry. I'd want him to be happy and also I would hope he'd choose someone who would love and care for my children.

Of course you can't replace a parent but a good step-parent can be a wonderful thing.

But then I don't believe in there being only one person out there for you. I think there's quite a few people who you could probably be very happy with.

I guess in terms of the gap - its whatever feels right for the individual.

Also not every marriage where someone is widowed was happy.

onlyjoking9329 · 26/09/2009 19:31

i guess it is easy to consider what you would do if your spouse died i know it was something we had talked about a few times over the years, different altogether thou when you find yourself in that situation.
i think when people suddenly become single for whatever reason there is a time for adjustment and finding out who you are as a single person, i guess the big question is do you want a relationship or do you need a relationship, i think the 2 are very different yet easily confused.
i am having a relationship for me it doesn't include the children yet but will at some point, my children have always come first and will continue to do so.
My bloke knows that and he also understands that i will always love steve.
i know that i am the pace setter in this and will go at whatever speed feels right.