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Original poster

Is there a good reason not to take your passport on a business trip to Europe?

139 replies

lisbey · 20/09/2009 20:19

Just that really. A married man, telling his wife he has to spend 2 nights a week in main land Europe for the foreseeable future, while a troublesome job is completed.

After the first trip she realised he hadn't asked her to find his passport, and whilst he's an intelligent man she would usually do such things for him. 2nd time, she checked the drawer while he was away and the passport was still there. Trying to be positive for her, but I can't think of a decent explanation.

She doesn't want to confront him because she "trusts him", but also, I suspect because she doesn't really want to know.

OP posts:
UnquietDad · 21/09/2009 14:47

She could phone him and say "I'm worried, you left your passport... Did you have any problems at Passport Control?"

clam · 21/09/2009 14:52

Update required.

So, how did the conversation go when he returned from this supposed trip abroad? Did they talk about what they'd each done? I understand that, for couples where travel is an everyday occurrence, this might not be such a big deal. But this sounded like a new arrangement...

PandaEis · 21/09/2009 15:13

i agree. sounds dodgy to say the least!

my DH has nothing to do with the paperwork stuff in our house- like the OP's friend- so i would know if he had another Passport. you are not allowed to travel out of the UK without a ppt and certainly not allowed back in.
the DH in question sounds like he is doing something suspicious and the friend needs to ask some probing questions without showing her suspicion (i.e what hotel did you stay in? what country? how did you fare without your passport??) better that that accusing him openly of infidelity and being wrong

pranma · 21/09/2009 18:38

You cant go from UK to Europe without a passport-he is up to something nefarious.

pranma · 21/09/2009 18:45

If its any sort of normal marriage she would ask him,"Sounds fun,where exactly will you be?""Hey DP you left your passport,how did you manage?""have you got an extra passport?Let me see the photo"Just ordinary affectionate chat.Definitely fishy.

annh · 21/09/2009 18:52

Ooh, impatiently waiting for the OP to come back and tell us if friend's DH has the kind of job that requires frequent travel, whether she knows which country he is in, whether he had ever given her the name of the hotel, whether he has a second passport?

MaMight · 21/09/2009 19:15
Original poster
lisbey · 21/09/2009 20:47

Gosh, that took off.

Friend does know what city he's supposed to be travelling to.

He has been away all over Europe and US in past, but usually 2-3 trips a year, nothing regular.

Business is engineering.

She doesn't have the hotel details because she's never felt the need to ask - he has a mobile phone if she wants/needs to contact him, but he calls her daily when he's away.

He does sometimes bring gifts back, but he's spectacularly bad at present buying and she's encouraged him not to waste the money, so not surprised nothing this time.

I spoke to her today and he's already packed for this weeks trip, including passport, which he found all by himself.

She doesn't want to confront him yet, as she needs to think about what her next move would be.

Have I missed anything?

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 21/09/2009 21:04

I'm flumoxed.

Lulubee · 21/09/2009 21:47

Did he say anyhthing about not having it last time?

Original poster
lisbey · 21/09/2009 21:54

No he didn't, but now she knows he was capable of finding for himself, she's questioning whether she might be wrong about him not having it last time.

She was pretty sure when I spoke to her though.

OP posts:
lucykate · 21/09/2009 22:12

as her dh is going away with work, does he have a laptop with him?

the reason i ask, is because my dh goes away a lot for his work. he has his laptop, and i have a computer at home. we use skype to talk to each other, it's free as opposed to paying for a mobile call. dh's laptop also has an internal webcam, so i can see him, the dc's can see him, and say goodnight when he's away.

could she innocently suggest setting up skype? i've talked to dh loads on it when he's been abroad, he's given me tours of his hotel room, shown me views out of the window etc via the webcam.

she would be able to see for herself where he is

but tbh, if this were me, i'd just ask him rather than beat around the bush feeling like a mug.

EightiesChick · 22/09/2009 00:05

Still seems on balance that he is up to something, because:

  • '2 days a week in mainland Europe for the foreseeable future' seems like an unrealistically expensive way to do business, especially in this cost-cutting period of time. I'm not an engineer but surely you would either make an extended visit where you stayed there for the whole job/ its most crucial phase, or fly out a couple of times during it? 2 days a week seems like either too much or not enough, IYSWIM.
  • If he usually asks her to get his passport etc out for foreign trips, seems suspicious that he has suddenly developed the will to do it himself. He'll be ironing his own shirts next to avoid her seeing lipstick on the collar.
  • No way 'engineering' is a euphemism for secret agent, as a spy worth his/her salt would remember to take their 'real' passport with them to avoid getting caught out this way!

I don't think she imagined it wasn't there last time, either...

[puts cynical head on] I'm afraid I'm in the camp who thinks that asking outright just invites a lie and him covering his tracks. In her shoes I would do some digging and avoid a confrontation in the meantime. If she knows where he is supposedly going, I would do some research and ask him to buy me something from a specific shop, or take a picture of something well-known. Him not doing it doesn't prove guilt, of course, but it's a further test. She also needs to ask what the hotel is and then look for ways to catch him out there by asking about his stay or ringing him there.

Or, how about waiting till he comes back this time, and next week hiding his passport? See what happens then and whether he says nothing or makes a big fuss.

LaurieFairyCake · 22/09/2009 00:08

but you said she checked the drawer while he was actually away and the passport was here

LaurieFairyCake · 22/09/2009 00:08

sounds like Denial

EightiesChick · 22/09/2009 00:12

And now he's back, if she says 'why didn't you take your passport last time', I would bet dollars to doughnuts he will say 'What on earth are you talking about? I took it with me! You're imagining things.'

FitOfBun · 22/09/2009 00:16

He's undercover alright. A duvet cover. In Swindon or similar.

AnyFucker · 22/09/2009 08:16

lol FitOfBun

how straaaange

either the passport was still in the drawer last time or it was not

why would you she doubt herself about that now, it is a physical fact that cannot be doubted

tbh, if she dilly-dallies around and doesn't challenge him on it the moment will be lost

tbh, it already is

she should have been waiting at the front door on his arrival home last time, with the aforementioned unused passport nonchalently in her mitts

Bucharest · 22/09/2009 08:20

Your "friend" does, I think, for her own peace of mind, need to get to the bottom of this.

I don't think my husband is having an affair. I have no reason to think he is, or would.

Your friend obviously can't say the same, can she?

This is just going to tear her apart, and there are going to be more threads like this, which when everyone says "oooh he's having an affair" something comes to light which makes it seem like he isn't.

I'm afraid I'm still not convinced it's not you Lisbey. I hope it isn't, but this whole thing seems a bit to me.

Hope you are OK.

UnquietDad · 22/09/2009 10:19

Hmm, maybe she should have taken a dated photo of the passport in the drawer!

clam · 22/09/2009 12:50

The fact that he has now taken his passport does not, in my opinion, let him off the hook.

It just means that he's got his act together in covering his tracks a bit better.

TheBalladofGayTony · 22/09/2009 12:57

why doesn't she just ask him? jesus, all the cloak and dagger nonsense. 'hello darling, you appeared to have left your passport behind last time, so cut the shit about being in europe'

RealityIsNOTDetoxing · 22/09/2009 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

notgettinganyyounger · 22/09/2009 13:21

not read right through, but I have to quickly get in here and say that my DH has 2 passports. He needs the second one because he travels extensively and certain countries do not like you to have visited other certain countries, so before she divorces him, she needs to check this out properly!

The woman concerneds DH does seem to travel all over so this could well be a possibility.

Bucharest · 22/09/2009 13:29

Yeeeeees, but apparently he has never mentioned to her that he may have two passports and is one of those blokes whose wife always has to find his passport, sort his pants out etc....until this time, strangely.....(or not....)

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