have met lovely new man ... think I like him more than he likes me - any MN tips on being utterly alluring and fabulous would be gratetfully received

[Rockall]

it's very early days but have met fab new man. I am super keen, I know he likes me but I don't think he's as far forward as I am and I don't want to scare him off.

We met via internet and are only at dating stage, ie not exclusive, so it is acceptable for us to meet up with other people at the moment - but though I have a couple of irons in the fire on that front, I don't want to meet anyone else right now. I think that he might still be up for going on dates with other women.

Where next? Do I let it go at his speed but risk him meeting someone else more gorgeous and alluring who takes his interest in the meantime? Do I meet up for a drink with the other blokes I am chatting with via internet dating site and keep things cool? I know if I ask outright for eg being exclusive I will scare him off - he's not that long out of a very longterm relationship and I suspect he believes that he "shouldn't" meet someone so soon, regardless of how perfect they (ME! ME!) might be for him.

Any tips on how to subliminally make him fall for me?!

I wasn't advocating shagging several men all at once (unless simultaneously, but that is a whole different subject...)

that is just a bit nasty IMO

just shag him

then see how it goes

simples

hello again.

I'm really not that desperate and needy I promise! clearly not good at conveying lighthearted tone in my posts.

And yes, also not up for shagging lots of men scenario, definitely not my style at all. Just this one will do. I do think that with some people, sex earlier on can be a good path to getting to know them - with others they might need a very slowly slowly get-to-know-you-first-before-we-even-kiss approach. (last bloke I went on a few dates with was like that and when we eventually got round to snogging after 4 dates, lots of flirtatious texts and a few phone calls, it was a real let down and we haven't been in touch since!!)

I do know that what will be will be - am not into playing games but want to try and get the balance between giving things a little push (which might frighten him off), or standing back and letting it all run its course (which might see me sidelined).

and SGB thanks for the warning. I have read so many terrible things on MN about abusive men that I hope I am quite alive to the early warning signs. Genuinely don't think this bloke is an abuser, he is courteous and considerate but not giving it the whole goddess-on-pedestal thing.

i think you shouldn't tell him you think he's great, he might then decide he's better than you and look elsewhere!

I would find it a bit weird if a bloke I'd been on two dates with was ringing me twice a day.

Why on earth shouldn't one shag all one's internt dates if one wants to, uses condoms and has made no promises of exclusivity?
Sex is nice (or it should be; if it isn't then you're doing it with the wrong people, or for the wrong reasons, or you're just doing it wrong). THe more you have of (good) sex, the better.

Nancy why? DH proposed on date four and 5 years later we're married with a beautiful baby and blissfully happy.

I'm firmly in the don't play games camp. All this pretending to be busy and waiting before you ring them back is rubbish IMO. If he likes you then he likes you, and if he's a decent guy instead of an insecure twat who's too worried about what his mates all think then he'll act on his feelings.

SGB - no reason why one shouldn't shag about in the way you describe, if one wants to ... I don't feel comfortable with that for myself but wouldn't judge anyone else who wanted to. Also don't think I could find the time to manage it tbh!

Trying to think how I'd feel if this bloke that I have met (or any other future hypothetical bloke) was shagging other people whilst seeing me - regardless of no promises on exclusivity I think I'd find that hard to cope with. Going on a date is one thing, shagging other people is another.

Alibaba - at last a positive view on knowing how you feel early on! Thank you!

alibaba - it just seems a bit needy. Only my take of course, but then if my DP rang me twice a day now it would piss me off.

god rockall, this could be my colleague's post (but he is the male!) he was talking to me only today about a girl he has had 2 dates with and who he thinks is a little bit miffed that he hasn't shagged her yet!!

Believe it or not, because he thinks she is a bit peed off at this, it is putting him off her even though he quite likes her...men work in strange ways don't they! We think that they would be glad if we wanted to jump their bones, but not always the case.

Just play it cool, see what happens and i think he will start to chase. As others suggested, I bet once he sees you are not bothered (even if you are iykwim) he will start to chase you more.

(His name isn't Chris is it?)

You're talking yourself into bonking a man who has told you to your face that he doesn't know whether he wants you to be his girlfriend.

If you're this keen after 2 dates, you'll be insanely keen after a weekend in bed with him. He, meanwhile, gets to roll around making glorious whoopee with a girl he has already warned he probably won't be getting serious with. A total guilt-free fuckfest for him, a headfuck for you.