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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Shall I be unreasonable??

24 replies

SenoraPostrophe · 03/06/2005 12:25

couldn't decide what to call this thread - it's a dilema really.

dd, ds and I are visiting the UK for 3-4 weeks in summer. I would like dh to come but he is adamant that he doesn't want to (because it's rainy, because it's boring, because he can't be bothered and because he's a miserable git)

He probably would come for a few days if i bullied him, but i can't decdie whether it's worth it. Shall I bully him, or shall i just come on my own?

OP posts:

compo · 03/06/2005 12:25

Is it for a holiday or to see family? If it's to see family then he ought to come as it's rude not to!

sorrel · 03/06/2005 12:26

Whay not have a lovely time all to yourself?

flobbleflobble · 03/06/2005 12:27

Leave him behind if he is miserable!

phucknuckle · 03/06/2005 12:28

God no, don't take him. he will ruin it for you, like a resentful 4 year old in Tescos!

assumedname · 03/06/2005 12:29

If you'll enjoy it without him, leave him behind.

If he does come with you when he doesn't want to, his attitude may mar it for the rest of you.

LottieG · 03/06/2005 12:29

Go on your own! He will appreciate you 100 times more when you get back

Original poster

SenoraPostrophe · 03/06/2005 12:35

It's to visit family and friends.

Not sure about him appreciating me more when I get back - he'll have had peace and quiet for 4 weeks!

Maybe I'll leave it then.

Now the next problem - does anyone happen to be flying from Granada/Malaga to the UK around the end of July? I'm scared to take the 2 of them on a plane on my own (dd is just 3, ds is 16 months)

OP posts:

Nightynight · 03/06/2005 12:36

hmm, what will he be appreciating while ýou're away though?

GRMUM · 03/06/2005 12:42

Get the same here senora! I go on my own now with the kids and always have a great time. If he comes I spend all my time worrying about whether or not he's bored/having fun etc. My dh is greek though so no friends family to visit. Doesn't dh want to visit family etc?

Original poster

SenoraPostrophe · 03/06/2005 12:46

glad it's not just me!

He does have family to visit, but they're not close. I see more of his mum than he does. Friends he says he would rather they came to us because then they'd stay for a week and it's nice (it is - but it's nice to visit too I think).

OP posts:

GRMUM · 03/06/2005 12:53

Oh well just come over onyour own then. Everybody appreciates each other more afterwards too! I have travelled alone with similar ages and had no problems. Usually you are allowed on the plane first, just take lots of little toys colouring books etc.The worst bit is at the other end trying to manage the buggy and a trolley with the bags until you get to the arrivals lounge. I have a photo somewhere of me with the baggage trolley loaded with suitcases ds1 and dd sitting on top of said bags and ds2 in a rucksack on my back!

mears · 03/06/2005 12:57

SP - I find it a bit strange that he would let you travel on your own with 2 young children and baggage. Could he at least not come with you, go home then come back to help you? Are there any cheap flights to be able to do that.

Sorry, but I think he sounds rather selfish. My DH would come for my sake. Am I being too hard do you think?

flobbleflobble · 03/06/2005 12:59

mears, your dp sounds lovely

pixiefish · 03/06/2005 13:28

totally agree wih mears- i think he's being selfish leaving you to travel on your own as you're obviously nervous of it. I'd make him come over- up to him if he went back early and then came back to get you

Fio2 · 03/06/2005 17:07

i would make him go plus wouldnt it mean you could both go out a couple of times without kids

Twiglett · 03/06/2005 17:09

how about you come over on your own for a week to catch up with old friends, then get him to come over with kids for a weekend and then he can go back and you can stay here with kids for a couple of weeks to catch up with friends / family with kids ?

does that sound really complicated, it seemed quite simple in my head

ninah · 03/06/2005 17:13

I would make him come with you. Why not? he can bring an umbrella and cheer up!

Twiglett · 03/06/2005 17:14

then again I would be really happy to be able to get away without dh for a few days .. he gets lonely if I'm not around .. big girl's blouse

cupcakes · 03/06/2005 17:14

Agree that you should make him go. There's plenty of time for him to be miserable when the children are older and you don't need his help as much.

KBear · 03/06/2005 17:14

Ask the airline if they will help you with the children when you board - worth asking in my experience (used to work for airline) and they will be pleased to assist you.

ninah · 03/06/2005 17:15

yup, being miserable/not being bothered is a luxury he can't afford!

Original poster

SenoraPostrophe · 03/06/2005 19:03

he has said he'll come over and then fly straight back. My original plan was for him to come over for a week or so, then fly home and I fly back 2 weeks later with a friend.

Problem is, none of the friends he wants to see have much space, and they live in places like London and Brighton where accommodation is expensive. Plus there'd be no babysitters there. hence the grump i think.

OP posts:

Original poster

SenoraPostrophe · 03/06/2005 19:04

kbear - airline likely to be ryanair so no help

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 04/06/2005 12:31

Blimey, my dp wouldn't get a choice, he'd come too. I agree with Mears, I don't think he should choose tbh. Twiglett's idea sounds good though as a compromise - then you each get some time on your own and some family time. And then he's the one who gets to do 2 kids on a plane alone first!

Flip