Handling daily contact with someone who has it in for you

[HelenaBonhamCarter]

I wondered if anyone might know a way properly to handle this type of situation...I'm not sure whether to call it bullying, as such, but it's definitey very uncomfortable and keeping me up at night.

It's the head at ds's school.

Basically I have to see this person most days if only briefly. I've had enough contact with her over the last year to be aware (I am almost certain) that she operates by intimidation and implication. That is, she will make underhand remarks, subtle attacks, imply that you are 'one to watch' and a threat to the school system, infer things that are not true (later admitted in person but not on paper) and will continually try to approach me in order to make what appear at first to be 'friendly' comments, but which are anything but.

I have managed it today by responding with a set smile and a 'mmm' or a 'oh, mm!' to her attempts to speak to me. I don't know what else to do.

Our last meeting in the summer term was a farce, following a written exchange (I tried to keep everything in writing) during which she accused me of a suspicious pattern of absence regarding ds, which I refuted as above. It ended with her comment 'well we'll just keep an eye on him/it next year' which was, coming from this woman, practically a threat.

She is angling for some other issue to attack me with. I probably sound like a paranoid loon but most of the parents I've spoken to actively dislike her, my mother has met her and finds her obnoxious too.
Any suggestions much appreciated - ds likes his new teacher, but I am struggling to go there twice a day because the HT will be lurking in the playground and seek me out.

Help

Helena, Sorry to make you worry more but I have insider knowledge of the school system and if your last school was within the same County then there is no doubt that the last school head would have talked to your current school head about you. Headteachers both primary and secondary tend to be pally with each other because of the frequency of meetings and training courses that they have to attend together. In my County the heads are all on first name terms and tend to socialise together as they cant exactly socialise with the maingrade teachers that they manage.

Sounds like a clash of cultures between the educationalists and yourself. At the risk of annoying you further I wouldnt be surprised if she has concerns (whether justified or not) about neglect if she feels that your son is being kept off school for spurious reasons. I hear what you are saying about how you feel that your reasons are justified but clearly she is suspicious of you and is doing her job by trying to keep you 'engaged'.

Sounds like she lacks some basic social skills though if you feel harassed.

Teachers are patronising though arnt they? I think it's an effect of being locked in a room with children all day-they tend to talk to everyone like they are chidren

Thanks Victoria.

Yes, same town and they are both highly sought after schools with big old reputations to consider.

(Dare I say the word complacent?) I fully expect they have had a 'chat' about us...but how to ensure that we are not suspected of anything odd, from now on - I don't know. It's hideous - it feels as though one 'misunderstanding' has left a huge black mark next to our names from now on in.

They didn't ask for GP's letters last year at all - it was only after our 9 months there that we were even notified there might be an issue, and that was verbal, not in writing until I insisted they send a letter.

I am also aware that education in itself seems to be a big ideal for some of the people involved - and it isn't such for me. So we are bound to disagree - but I don't think that ought to mean we are blacklisted iyswim