Shocking confession from new man..

[badheadache]

Namechanger here,regular poster, with a genuine reason.

We've been dating for about 3 weeks and getting on well. I;d say he was a grower.

Anyway. Today he has told me that he had a bad split from his girlfriend (this is some years ago). Essentiall his story is that he hit her, in self defence.

And no, I don't mean just a slap .

Of course there is more to it than that but bottom line is - he attacked her and I can't get past that

Bottom line is I am very freaked out by this and my instincts are saying leave now.

My XP did some pretty nasty things to me but one thing I will say - he never hit me.

I'm very shocked. Not sure what I'm asking for here but I needed to get it down and get some perspective and just talk it out. PS please don't out me if you recognise who this is. Thanks.

another walk away here - you know it

I'd even say break it to him when you are not alone

Sorry if you think it was rubbish Anyfucker.

I didn't set out to play tricks on or delude anyone and if that has upset or offended anybody then I apologise.

As I'm sure you can appreciate my thought processes today haven't been the most logical.

I'm really taking on board everyone's advice and you have all given me the courage to do what I need to. Thank you for that.

I find it really disturbing badheadache that you would even have doubts about leaving this person. Please please don't have anything more to do with him. I've been in abusive relationships before and know how easy it is to get sucked in by their convincing talk. Get out now & have no regrets about it. As cat said, there are loads of good men out there. Hope it all works out for you.

Ah, I had a boyfriend once who confessed to violence against a former girlfriend. The first time he raised it it was apparently 'I hit her because she threw a clock at me. I regret it.'
However, his version of the story changed subtly over the months, no doubt after seeing how accepting I would be of each version. By the end it was 'She was emotionally violent to me so it's only fair that I was physically violent to her as a way of defending myself.'
I made it clear I didn't think that was ok and he broke up with me. Which I was not too unhappy about (though I should of course have ended it myself much sooner.)
Definitely walk away.
('Emotionally' violent. Fucking wanker.)

I agree with AnyFucker, too.

I know how easy it is for people who have been in past abusive relationships to get into another one.

And so I really hope no one does identify you, because they might call SS if you have kids and let them know you're bringing an abusive person into their lives.

I can't believe you're even trying to see 'his' side.

There is none. It's hard as hell to break someone's ribs.

SIL's ex did it by stomping on her.

He's in jail now. Fucker.

Bet his claim that he didn't hit his subsequent partner is bollocks. Either that, or as someone said, the poor woman was walking on eggshells trying to appease him.

A man who breaks a woman's ribs is disgusting low-life, however much he puts on a front of normality. No way you should take the risk. (Unless he's a doctor doing CPR or heart surgery, can't think of any other valid reasons!)

Kathy I had an emotionally and vebally abusive partner. When I dumped him, his mum rang me and the first thing she said was, 'Did he hit you?'

What an odd thing to say about your son, eh?

I had no kids at the time, but there was no question.

The minute he started constantly putting me down and called me an ignorant bitch and tried to blame me for his hangover after he went out on a bender after a row, he was out.

Or a man's ribs, come to that.

You must leave him, it sounds horrific.

vicky, they have been dating for 3 wks

there is no "leaving" to be done

she just has to never contact him/allow contact ever again

simples

Paramedic, Edam?

God help anyone who has children with any of these men.

Jesus, RIMOD. Talk about bending the truth

I can't believe some of the responses here!

I wasn't trying to hear his side, I was talking things out because I was upset and shaken.

Anyhow I've just split up with him now so social services need not be troubled.

agree with the majority here - trust your instincts and get the fuck our of there.

However I must just picked up on

"unless you are one of those silly women (I might get flamed for this, I certainly have before, but it is truly my opinion) who thinks they are "madly in love" and have "found their soulmate" after just a few encounters "

I'm one of those silly woman - engaged 6 weeks after meeting the bloke for the first time

Admittedly a bit of a blip (well rather large actually) a year or so ago but now been together nearly 11yrs, married nearly 10...and our relationship the bset it's ever been.

no im sorry but i would never be with a man who has hit a woman. not just a flinging hand in self defence that happened to hit her, a proper punch is not self defence.

In self defence you will grab someone's hand to prevent them hitting you or move away, you do not punchy someone in self defence.

I've been on the receiving end of a violant man and i can well imagine the stories he has told his new girlfriend about me and why he was provoked to violance.

really, he is not worth the risk.

sorry badhead, hope you are OK
it def is the right thing to do, take care

I have absolutely no idea who you are cos I'm crap at making links but well done... it takes courage to do that, even if you have only been together 3 weeks

I hope you find a man worthy of you soon

bad head. sorry you have gone through this.

really am glad you have ended it.

chin up.

at least you found out early.

take care.