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Relationships

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Original poster

do your parents bother with/get on with your IL's?

38 replies

surprisenumber3 · 01/09/2009 15:04

Just wondering really!

OP posts:

happystory · 01/09/2009 15:09

Sadly both my ILs are dead but my parents didn't really take the trouble to get to know them. There was a distance problem though which made it difficult but my parents were never anything other than polite and stilted around them.

Shame- they were lovely welcoming generous people (just like my dh!)

Shugarlips · 01/09/2009 15:17

No. I have been married twice and my parents didn't bother with the first lot and don't with the current lot! I wish they would. My best friends parents make a big effort with her in laws and it makes everything run smoothly at birthday partys and christmas.

tryingherbest · 01/09/2009 15:19

Nope - but there's distance, a language barrier and distaste!!!

cat64 · 01/09/2009 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Scorps · 01/09/2009 15:36

No, i think they met at our wedding!

CMOTdibbler · 01/09/2009 15:36

No, there is physical distance, and my parents aren't very social anyway. But they very rarely meet anyway - I think 4 times in 14 years

Peabody · 01/09/2009 15:40

No. They send each other a card at Christmas, but that's it. They only live a couple of miles apart, too. But I'm very glad about it because they have nothing in common and I know my parents would embarrass me with some of the things they say (they believe everything written in the Daily Mail is true).

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 01/09/2009 15:56

Mine get on well when they see each other, although they hardly ever meet as my parents live several hours away. When they visit they usually get invited to the ILs for a meal though, and have even been invited to stay there if they want; and they exchange cards and so on.

stealthsquiggle · 01/09/2009 16:03

They are perfectly civil to each other when they meet, and send Christmas cards, but have absolutely nothing in common (and find each other quite hard work, I think) so would not bother socialising other than that.

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 01/09/2009 16:04

not really. Completely different social classes and nothing in common. In laws are wealthy Londoners, mum was a single parent on benefits.

potplant · 01/09/2009 16:04

Mine get on well but only really see each other when its something I've arranged family BBQ, parties etc.

MrsJohnDeere · 01/09/2009 16:18

No. Both sides loathe the other and have nothing at all in common. They've only met 3 times in 15 years.

They don't live anywhere near each other (or us) so it is a non-issue really.

randomtask · 01/09/2009 16:18

Well, my parents have had a couple of meals with my IL's (MIL set up the first, my mother felt she should do the same back) when we were engaged. At family events, they get on very well and we all go to the same church so they chat in the hall after the service etc.

However, although in some ways they're similar I know my parents often think my IL's (or rather my MIL) is nuts but then so do I!

My IL's got on very well with DH's first IL's and still go and stay with them now, DSS's Grandmother often stays with IL's when she comes to see DSS. DH's first wife died as did DH's brother so I suspect that brought them closer together. Saying that, DH says his former MIL thinks MIL is nuts too!!

bigTillyMint · 01/09/2009 16:21

My mother lives miles away from the IL's (and all live miles away from us ) so they only ever met at our wedding! They are very different and though my mum and MIL would probably be able to have a small-talk type chat, FIL would irritate my mum beyond belief!

ABetaDad · 01/09/2009 16:29

No. They met at the wedding 20 years ago and never bothered since then. I think they swap Xmas cards out of politeness.

lynniep · 01/09/2009 16:33

noop. But then not really an issue as the distance between them and us means they never cross paths. They've met once at the wedding and were civil, but are completely different types of people and would never choose to be with each other socially. They do ask about each other though which is nice, even if they are just been polite, as both dads are quite ill.

nowwearefour · 01/09/2009 16:37

Mine get on very well. We have always had Christmas Day all together- as in both sets of parents and siblings since we got married. PArents and PILs meet for regular dinner parties and hte mums go shopping several times a year together. surprising as they are quite different but seem to really enjoy each other's company. nice really. i appreciate it. though it does mean you cant keep anything a secret from either side of the family!

Horton · 01/09/2009 16:37

Mine have met but I don't really see why they should bother too much with each other. They're practically strangers, live hundreds of miles apart and have pretty much nothing in common apart from being human.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 01/09/2009 16:39

My parents get on with sister's in laws because they've always made an effort with them. They don't get on with my in laws because they never made an effort to get to know them.

I'm not bitter, I know that's how my family works, but I would prefer it if they had a relationship so that there wasn't such a separation at parties etc.

DownyEmerald · 01/09/2009 16:45

what stealthsquiggle said

One meeting early on in our relationship (13 yrs ago) all very civil but all very unrelaxed. My parents don't have great social skills!

Then when dd born there was pressure from MIL (actually had often been pressure but I'd resisted) to arrange another meet. All went fine - for once the baby smoothed the social situation.

My parents have moved and just about to arrange a holiday with ILs nearby. Trying not get worked up about how the inevitable meet up will go!

I know dp gets upset when I mention ILs to my parents. Possibly I do roll my eyes occasionally! But if I can't do that with my parents who can I do it with?

I know one couple where both sets of parents have become best of friends.

branflake81 · 01/09/2009 16:54

Mine live on the same street!

And yes, they do get on well.

It's nice, I like it.

kathyis6incheshigh · 01/09/2009 16:55

Mine get on. They're very similar. They live a long way apart but they have a whale of a time at Xmas. DH and I feel quite outnumbered .

Berrie · 01/09/2009 16:58

My Mother actually declined to come to dd's family birthday party because she doen't like Dh's family.

ShowOfHands · 01/09/2009 17:01

Yes, they get on well. Have lunch, meals together, coffee etc. They only live 9 miles apart though. FIL and my Dad get on very well which is odd as neither one of them is sociable or has 'friends' of their own really. Get them together and they gel very well indeed.

angelene · 01/09/2009 17:15

I think it's a bit harsh to say that they have 'nothing in common apart from being human' - they have their GCs in common.

My mum and my ILs only ever meet at DD-related events, they will all come to her birthday party. My mum can't stand them, my MIL is constantly trying to impress her and my FIL is a bit of a loose cannon generally.

However there will be one meeting at the end of this month when I'm running in a race in their town and my Mum is coming to watch me - could be interesting!

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