When you love someone do you really care about what happens to them, or how that affects you?

[lisbey]

For example, if DH is late home, sometimes I can worry myself into a state of panic, but it occurs to me that I'm not always concerned for him and his safety, more how it would affect me if something happened to him?

Kind of how would I cope without him? (I mean emotionally not practically/financially)

Is that normal or am I a horribly self-centred person?

its self preservation rather than self centred isnt it.

you are thinking like a mother, how would you provide for all those that rely on you if something awful were to happen.

Kinda normal i would say.

I think the two get confused. You probably do care about him for him as well as for youself.

I don't like the thought of dp suffering in any way. However I am aware that my own emotional state concerns me too when it comes to worrying about dp.

well, they are linked aren't they?

if your Dh died/was ill you would be sorry for him and also concerned how it would affect you. It can't be any other way.

Don't worry although I don't reach panic I do over-worry if any of the family are late arriving. I think for will find what you describe is pretty common.

When DH was given a max of 6 years to live, I was horribly worried and upset for him, but I would be a liar if I didn't admit that I was also devastated at the thought of being on my own (he's probably the only man on earth who'd put up with me!), so yes, you're not alone.

Thankfully he's now in complete remission and has been for 12 years , but I confess that when things were looking really bad I was also thinking about where I was going to live and what I was going to do should the worst happen... which I feel really bad about, but I believe it's just human nature.

Lisbey - I think you are completely and utterly normal (whatever that means!) I get into a real state if any of my loved ones are late home (or I can't contact them etc). I have even "run the tape" on to the hospital, funeral, aftermath and implications of death. I always thought I was the only one to do this and kept it to myself until one day after worrying about a loved one who I couldn't contact I confessed to a friend. She is a very wise woman and she said quite casually "and had you thought of the funeral"- we had a laugh as I confessed that my mind can run away with me in these situations. She said she was much the same and knew others who did it too. SO I felt so much better!

I think at a deeper level it is maybe a sort of pyschological mechanism for dealing with the anxiety present at the time, though of course it doesn't "deal" with it, but I think there must be something going on at a sub conscious level somehow. When my P is late home or something similar I go through scenarios of life without him and can see advanatages and disadvantages!! If however it is one of my sons, dils or grandchildren I am very stressed and the longer it goes on the worse it is.

Don't know how old your kids are but I can say for me the very worst part of being a mother was when they were teenagers (in the days before mobile phones) and I lay awake in bed waiting to hear them return home. I tell you the sound of that key in the lock was like heaven!

So I reckon it is all part of the human condition. Would be interested to know of others experience.