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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Traumatic evening - in ned of a chat

19 replies

StillNorks · 26/08/2009 21:50

Finally stood strong to exH, I am hoping he might have finally got the message, but I seriously doubt it. He has meddled in my life for the last time without major consequenses. I think it is finally time I woke up and realised there is no friendliness in splitting up and I need to see a solicitor

OP posts:

Original poster

StillNorks · 26/08/2009 21:51

Have had a drink so apologies, for spelling and grammar, I know its crap, but a chat is more important at the moment

OP posts:

sincitylover · 26/08/2009 21:55

I have had one too! Had alot of probs with my exh. What exactly is the prob with yours?

mamalovesmojitos · 26/08/2009 21:56

don't know the background but good for you. its a great feeling to finally stand up to somebody who has pushed you around.

hope you're ok.

Original poster

StillNorks · 26/08/2009 22:02

Weeell, long story short - he left in Feb, we had a period of attempting reconcilliation he would not commit, so I said enough was enough, which was enough for him to regret his actions and tell me he was coming back - I said I was not an emotional punchbag for his convienience so NO.

This weekend would have been our 10th wedding anniversary so needing my space I decided O would have a weekend away by my self organised and paid for by me for me. I chose not to tell anyone where I was going(except on here) As I wanted my privacy as I don't get much in RL.

Tonight I find out he has trawled the internet, rung up hotels found out where I am staying and upgraded my room as " he had to mark the occasion" WTF our marriage is over and he needs to mark the occasion.

He got really knarked when I said he had tainted what I was trying to achieve.

Ended up in an all out war of words over divorce( which we had until now avoided much discussion of) and the house access to the DC and the House.

Great way to start my break - while he is looking after the DC.

Sorry not short but there you go....

Whats p*d you off then SL

OP posts:

sincitylover · 26/08/2009 22:10

That sounds bad. He has no right to do that and sounds as though he is having difficulty in letting go. I hope you can get away and have a good weekend.

My exh (split three years ago) is not annoying in that way. The probs I have are more to do with him not seeing dcs enough and hassling me when he does.

He has moved on very quickly and has met new p and has one year old dts.

But I wish I didn't have to have any contact with him.

It's exhausting standing up to them but it has to be done.

Keep strong.

Original poster

StillNorks · 26/08/2009 22:13

Sounds like he may have moved on physically , but why would he still hassle you if he had totally moved on emotionally.
Feel sad that I may never be rid of the pestering/emotional blackmail/ controlling behaviour

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cornsillk · 26/08/2009 22:13

Blimey norks was he like that when you were together? That's a bit controlling really.

Original poster

StillNorks · 26/08/2009 22:14

Yes He was but I was a bit blinded by love to notice it, since the split it drives me nuts.

When I told him it was controlling, he told me he couldn't do nothing and had to let me know he cared - think that backfired then !

OP posts:

Dominique07 · 26/08/2009 22:18

How did he track down your hotel - that is obsessive - trying to show you you can never be free of him???

Original poster

StillNorks · 26/08/2009 22:21

He knew I was going to the Covent garden area, so googled hotels in the area and started ringing through the list, Didn't realise I would need an alias for a weekend away

I have just begun to acknowledge how scarily obssesive it was. I didn't even tell by BF where I was going as she and her DH are friends with him as well, and I didn't want her to feel compromised

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cornsillk · 26/08/2009 22:23

That is obsessive, you're right. Can you buy a load of drinks on his account or something to teach him a lesson?

Original poster

StillNorks · 26/08/2009 22:26

more worried about the threats he made tonight tbh. If I don't start divorce proceedings, He will continue this behaviour randomly, If I do start divorce proceedings, he will move back in as is his right( his name is still on the mortgage and he says he will not remove it unless I pay him all the equity he has in the house - I am currently living on benefits)

OP posts:

StirlingTheTired · 26/08/2009 22:42

Probably empty threats - He is just trying to control you.

Ignore him and do what you want to do.

Sorry he pissed you off on your break.

Original poster

StillNorks · 26/08/2009 22:45

I know they are probably empty threats, but he seems so irrational in what he does, I can never be sure. Will definitely be booking a solicitor appointment after the BH though

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mamas12 · 26/08/2009 22:52

So sorry you're going through this.
If he has moved out already I would have thought that set a precedent and he would find moving back in a dificult stance.
Go to a solicitor the soonest you can and get the ball rolling.

StirlingTheTired · 26/08/2009 22:53

But is he still seeing the ow? Or is he living on his own now?

AnyFucker · 26/08/2009 23:31

hi, Norks

I am sorry he continues to make things difficult for you, as is predictable eh ?

see that solicitor, you might be pleasantly surprised you can do a lot more without his interference than you think

that was mean of him to enter your headspace when you trying to have a break away from all the stress, and rather sinister in fact, like he is letting you know he can still climb into your privacy

SolidGoldBrass · 27/08/2009 00:45

I think you should have a chat with WOmen's Aid. That's fucking creepy stalker behaviour and totally unacceptable. Find out your legal rights etc, and make sure you have support in place. This man does not 'own' you. You have every right to end a relationship and be free of him. And if your children live in the family home, which I would presume they do, he is not entitled to force you and them out of it or to move back in when you don't want him there, no matter what the deeds of the mortgage say - OK so you couldn't throw him out and change the locks unless he was demonstrably abusive if he was still living there, but the fact that he moved out makes a difference.

skidoodle · 27/08/2009 00:51

Yes, it was sinister and mean what he did.

And because you didn't just accept it and fought back, now he is threatening you.

Get a solicitor and start making notes of all these kinds of inappropriate, and frankly scary, incidents.

Shudder. He really sounds like a creep.

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