Is it weird to live with your ex?! (long post-sorry)

[Rach1523]

Just looking for some advice/thoughts really, it's a bit of a long story but here's an overview... We've been together for about 5 years, one dd 18 months, both love her very much. We've decided that our relationship is no longer working but no bad feeling. I'm a student nurse and would have to move to a small flat with dd and be skint but ex suggested moving to a bigger house where we each have own room whilst I'm finishing my course (1.5yrs). This makes much more sense financially and means dd won't have to go to a childminder full time as ex will look after her most of the time as he works from home. It seems to make sense but don't want to be living in some kind of limbo where I'll probably still be ironing his shirts!! It doesn't feel like a proper break up if we're still living together, plus without wanting to be crude, I'd like some man action in the next couple of years (not with him though!) What to do?

Oh lord - can't really offer any advice, but on the face of it on a practical level it sounds very "sensible". However, not so sure it would really be beneficial on an emotional level for either of you. As you say could prove quite awkward on the "action" front for both you and him in the future.

I am sure someone else will come along with some more useful suggestions for you, meanwhile best of luck with it all, I am sure you will find the right arrangement eventually.

Thank you k850plus, think we are both just concerned about what would be best for dd over the next couple of years, but I can see problems on the horizon, we would only be renting though so it's not like I couldn't escape if necessary!

Hmmm...I used the word 'escape'...

hmmm its a tough one. I suppose really it might be a case of try it and see how it goes? at the end of the day if you split you move to the flat if you move to the house and IF it doesnt work then you move to the flat anyway?

How would you feel about him bringing woman home? It could be a bit awkward bumping into a 'stranger' in the morning so maybe set some ground rules before you move to avoid awkward situations. Good luck

Why would your daughter have to go to a childminder if your ex can look after her during the day anyway?

I tried to live with my ex when we separated, as I to was a student.
Worked just fine til I started dating and then he became extremely nasty.

I don't quite understand why if you dont live together anymore you and dd would be living in a small flat, but together you would be able to move to a bigger house than where you are now. The amount of money available should be the same, just divided up or not. Could you not pick two small places round the corner to each other (there is a lot of rental property around atm). Then each of you would have your own self contained space but he could still look after DD.

I have friends who split up very soon after their DS's birth, they lived together for a while and then moved into separate places but have always lived near each other and shared childcare equally. Their DS is now 6 and I think they live next door to each other - it's taken a lot of work from both of them to make it work for their DS but they do seem to have managed it. On the other hand I think it's had a dreadful effect on their other relationships - they are stuck in a limbo and neither really seems able to move on, their lives are so closely interwoven.