Do you give DH "permission" to go out?

[UnquietDad]

Some friends refer to it this way and DW and I think it's a bit sad. (Both in the sense and the "loser" sense.) We often go out - separately - and the rule is, you write it on the calendar. That's all.

It's quite likely that it will be casually discussed both before and after, but really, this idea of men getting "permission" from their wives... grow some balls!

permission? ..surely it's about respecting your partner and involving them in decisions you make...bit strange the permission thing..my DH asks me if it's ok just incase he has forgotten something we were supposed to be doing or if I need him..and vice versa..

He asks. I feel obliged to say yes, he takes it for granted I will. Yes its pointless isnt it?

Dh asks, but he doesn't ask my permission. He asks if I would mind doing all of the childcare on the night he is out. As I work (teaching) some nights it is not convenient as I may want to go out or I may have a heavy deadline and so need him to put the children to bed. Equally, if I want to go out I will ask him if he has a busy night on and if he is okay to put the children to bed.

In our house, going out does affect the partner - they have to do the other person's share of the housework / childcare usually, so it is just a matter of respect to check that they don't mind doing it!

We ask each other if its ok simply to make sure the other one doesn't have plans and can look after ds. I just think its more respectful to ask because on the odd occasion we've decided to decline nights out because we haven't seen much of each other.

I think i'd be angry if dh just wrote it on the calender and assumed it was ok with me and I had nothing else to do but stay at home. Its comes down to respect and realising both dh and I have independant lives as well.

Oh dear dh does ask day to day but I dont give permission I just say if theres a reason he cant (we doing something important). His big things go on the calender in advance.
He spends a lot of time doing his hobby and I rarely get time to myself.

He also talks about brownie points to his mates but its just a turn of phrase.

To be honest its an awkward situation as I don't want to control him so leave him to it but then I'm left holding the baby (+3) the majority of the time.
If I said no thats not ok then people would think I was controlling but if I just let it go then he would take the piss

I've made him sound like an arse but he isn't really. He doesn't realise hes taking the piss and of course in his mind he asked and I've said see ya so he doesn't know I would actually prefer it if he stayed with us.
Luckily his mum has no so qualms and often tells him when hes becoming a selfish arse.

I don't resent him I resent the situation where I'm a horrid wife whichever way I play it. (not his eyes but socially)

and now I see Alys has said it in one sentence

should he want to go out he needs to ask if its ok as we would have to organise a carer. But he never goes out.

A bloke talking about Brownie points would definitely piss me off. Women don't talk like that about their men why should men do it about their women? I agree with skidoodle that it implies women are potential gaolers who need placating if a man is ever to leave the house. It's usually said by a man who doesn't accept that looking after the kids/ household tasks is as much his job as his wife's.

I don't give him 'permission' but he checks that it's ok (no clashes with work/kids etc) before agreeing to go out - sometimes he even hopes there is a clash, particularly if it's work connected He enjoys being in the company of family and friends with good food & drink etc more than a pint after work.

DH doesn't ask permission just tells me "I'm going for beers on whatever night" although if it's very last-minute or if he has technically sworn off beer forever since the previous night out then he might sheepishly ask if I mind...

I have a 4-month-old so no social life so it doesn't really matter to me when he goes out and I get to MN in peace

We have seriously thrashed this one out.

Dh is in a band, so out for rehearsals & gigs quite a bit. Which irritates me if he's not let me know, as I come home from busy day at work & end up putting kids to bed whilst he swans off.

He also works away a lot via his day job, involving lots of overnight stays.

Meanwhile, I teach - maybe a dozen or so evening gigs (parents' evenings, open evenings, presentation evening) a year, but the sky falls in if I'm not there.

Our rules are:

1. write it on the calendar
2. work always trumps fun
3. but NOT if the 'fun' is a pre-booked family holiday & the 'work' is dh's boss being a cock
4. any overnight buggering off by either party to be reciprocated in lie-ins
5. no chuntering. We don't have to like each others' friends or agree on what constitutes an enjoyable night out - go have fun, you owe me one...
6. once one partner is out & on the lash, they are presumed non-contactable for all but life/death situations

I suppose your kids are a bit older, UQD.

At the moment, seeing as our los are still small, yes, evening passes are like gold dust round here!

Won't be forever so no biggie.

Grow some balls? Oh dear. Perhaps the men that need permission are self centred twunts who have repeatedly let their wives and children down, drank too much and have left their wives with no choice but to treat them like children?

Grow some balls?
What about the wife who is the one always holding the baby?

Grow some balls?
Surely this implies that it's the man who asks permission therefore the only one going out?

My DH calls it being 'allowed' which really pisses me off. He does have to check with me because over the last 7 years of parenthood and 4 yrs of bfing, over 2.5 years of being pg it is more likely that he has gone out. WE have a family calendar but finances, children and life means it's not for writing down when we'll be popping off out alone, it's more about dates we all have to keep or for the children.

Grow some balls.....ffs, are we in the eighties?

just for a laugh - this was posted on a male friends fb. thought it was very amusing a perfect for this thread! lol.

APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:___

I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:
Date:_ Time of departure:
Time of return NOT to exceed:___

Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my cell after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.

Amount of alcohol allowed (units)
Beer Wine Liquor Total ___

Locations to be visited1: From: To:__
Locations to be visited2: From: To:__

Females with whom conversation is permitted:

IMPORTANT ? STRIPPER CLAUSE: Not with standing the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.

I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship, and I agree it?s not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in diamonds & flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you on an unlimited shopping spree, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.

I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half), the above information is correct.
Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:

Request is: APPROVED DENIED _

This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and carry at all times.
??????????????????????????????????????????
(Cut along the dotted line)
Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following period of time:
Date: Time of departure: Time of return:_

Signed ? Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife:

daddyj - ours are 9 and 6 so we still need babysitters or one of us to be home.

APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE GIRLS

Name of Girlfriend/Fiancé/Partner/Wife:

I'm going out.

Signed: (me) ___

Nope - asking permission to go out is just silly.

I always ask DP if he minds simply because he never goes out and I have (a few) girlie nights out. I practically have to push him out of the door when there's a boys' night out so it's more of a guilt thing from my point of view. He'd never say no anyway and neither would I.

I do know a married couple (married about 12 years with 3 kids) who rage/rant/sulk when either of them is going out alone. They don't trust each other, they assume the other one having a night out means being on the lookout for a one-night-stand!! so they never go out on their own - ridiculous.

That form encapsulates everything I hate about the permissions thing, so no, I don't find it funny.

the form is only a laugh.

my other half is free to go out whenever he wants. as am i. if me or him were to stray there would be nothing that would stop us but we would always find out and its one strike and your out. we are both happy and secure in our relationship. so have no need to restrict one another. which would just cause extra problems for no reason. the idea that you have contol over a grown adult because of your own insecurities is stupid.

No not permission as such but DH would usually check with me in case I have arranged something else (e.g. friends over for the evening which I am wont to do without telling him - well, I'm usually sure I've told him, and he swears I haven't...), and we check with each other as a courtesy as the other will be left at home with DD. It's rarely an issue though as DH isn't one for socialising and if he mentions going out I usually know before him as I will text one of my friends say 'can't you get your DH to text my DH and get him to go out, he's in a mood and getting on my nerves' or 'he needs some man time'!

I hate the idea of "permission", but I still find that form funny.