Do you give DH "permission" to go out?

[UnquietDad]

Some friends refer to it this way and DW and I think it's a bit sad. (Both in the sense and the "loser" sense.) We often go out - separately - and the rule is, you write it on the calendar. That's all.

It's quite likely that it will be casually discussed both before and after, but really, this idea of men getting "permission" from their wives... grow some balls!

at Dolly's friends. I bet those marriages don't last.

DW and I joke about keeping a tally and who is "owed" time away/out. But it really is only a joke. We talk about "cashing in" my current owage of 10 nights, or whatever it is, for one weekend in Amsterdam.

We dont ask permission either, we are both adults not children.

I dont get the "permission" thing, yet I know people do this - you can see from threads on MN that many people do have to ask and that they are told no etc or one party resents the other etc.

nah - not permission - as other posters say - we 'ask' each other out of courtesy, but would never dream of saying no!
DH asks me also cos he never knows if theres anything else on (which there isnt, we're hardly social butterflies). I ask him because I know he has a hard time getting DS to bed (DS has him wrapped around his little finger!). I want him to go out - he rarely bothers and I think its a good thing!

DH has a colleague who is rarely allowed out. She is so insecure and jealous that she worries that he will find someone else.

What does he do? Lies to her, saying he has a late meeting and goes for a drink after work.

IME some people will say that they "don't have permission" or that they'll have to ask for it because maybe they're not actually that keen on going out.

I know my DP uses me as an excuse to get away sometimes even though I would never dream of telling him he can't go/stay out.

He asks me if it's ok out of courtesy, not for permission.

permission no but we need to agree when each other has time away doing whatever, it is just about planning and being considered

Neither DH nor I "seek permission" to do our own thing. We do, however, check in with the other to make sure that the kids aren't left to fend for themselves - I'd rather not come home to a Lord of the Flies-eque sitch...
I have to say that I do find there is some kind of strange conspiracy amongst men to make their wives out to be fearsome dragons that don't let them out or enjoy themselves in any way. I find it utterly bizarre and have come up with the theory that it's easier to blame me or the kids for not being able to go out than it is to actually get off their arses and arrange something.

I think its silly to give a person especially and adult permission to do anything regardless of wether thay are your DP/DH or not!

If dp is going out all i ask is that he lets me know in advance so i don't plan anything else, i do th same for him and as long as neither of us take the piss (as in going out everyday) then its fine.

Its the same with everything in our relationship, money spending, holidays, works hifts ect, its just common courtosy {sp?} to let your partner know what your doing.

Same as most people - we do ask each other if the other minds, but only in case they have something planned/they need help with something that night/they want some time as a couple. He calls me if he wants to stay out after work to check I don't mind, so to some people that might seem like asking permission, but I'd only say 'no' if there was a good reason.

well sort of - if we didn't check it would be ok there might be no-one to look after the children!! Some might call this permission, some might call it planning ;)

Dh works most evenings, so the default setting is I am in and he is out.

If I arrange to be out one evening, then I will check with him so that he puts it in his diary and I write it on the calendar. Then if necessary one of us will arrange a babysitter.

We do the same UQD. The calandar and we talk. It's not set in stone even then and we try to be flexible.

We joke about having permission. I might say I don't remember seeing that in my in tray (if it wasn't on the calendar for eg) but we're v v laid back and don't mean it seriously.

I can't imagine being with anyone who would be serious about permission to go out or being jealous about that sort of thing myself. It'd drive me nuts and dh I assume.

Dh goes off to bed too if I'm late in. Some dh's I know of stay up and wait. I'd hate that sort of fuss too I think.

My DH is out tonight for the first time since xmas doo! We have been maried for 11 years together 13 but! I still fret everythime he he goes out that he will find prettier slimmer sexier than me. I don't know why I do it but it eats me up something terrible, I know it is wrong! I cant help it.

lighthouse do you think thats the reason why he never goes out or is he not really fussed either way.

No! lack of people to go out with, years ago I made it clear I didn't like it but older wiser bit more mature andnot a problem anymore, inside I still worry though. Fearful someone will nab him! I sent him off with best wishes tonight but did ask he came home in a reasonable state, we are off on hols tomorrow so don't want puke all over my nice car! :-)

I do hate the "I'll have to get permission" thing. My DP works in a very male-dominated environment and for a long time I would be out with a group of his friends and they would all be saying this kind of hting to each other ("oh, X is just on the phone trying to get permission/get a green light/get his leave slip signed"). It's insulting. Especially as this was couples where nobody had children.

I agree that often men do it as a way of saying no without having to say no, iykwim. Or to make it seem like they would ALWAYS be up for fun and games, the little wife is holding them back (when really they are tired, they don't fancy it, they would miss giving the kids a bath that night).

I would hate to be referred to in this way (Oh I have to go and get NC's permission) but then I would totally expect to be consulted first. Especially as we have 2 children under 3 and being out often means I do bath/bed by myself, etc. So if I have a heavy work day the next day or I'm not feeling well or if DP has been working away for most of hte week and I've been by myself then I might be less keen. Though to be honest, in those situations generally DP already knows that the timing's not great and has already declined or suggested a change of time/day.

I have no social life so can't speak for myself [sadly not as ironic as I'd like it be emoticon]

In our house, we do a 'Dates' swap about once a month, which includes things like nights out, husband's football away days etc. No 'permission' is necessary.

We both also have the odd ad hoc boozy night out after work and usually a quick phonecall is all it takes to square that (both ways).

Occasionally we get a bit arsy with each other, but mostly it's a good, give-and-take arrangement. I would laugh out loud if my husband ever asked my permission to go out - or expected me to seek his.

My DH and I just check If the other one minds as we need to organise babysitters but its no big deal and I would never say no (I quite enjoy the peace lol) the one thing that does bother me is if we have both been out is that I am the one that has to get up

No, I hate it when I hear men talking about needing "permission" or "a pass"
We go out together and seperately. If we are going out we discuss it to check the other knows what is going on and to see if a babysitter is needed if we both want to go out on the same evening. Not that our social life is that busy. Just normal living with someone and having kids politeness and common sense really.
Neither of us wants to chain the other to the sofa.

It seems odd that if a bloke talks about getting "permission" the other blokes laugh and think it's funny, where as if a female friend of mine mentioned needing permission to go out I'd be concerned about her living with a jealous control freak and wouldn't find it funny. Have never heard a woman talk about needing "permission" to go out.

No, not permission, but I expect to be consulted before he takes the decision to go out - just as I consult him before taking the decision to go out on my own.

Actually I can see how it could be called permission, although I don't really see it as such, and neither (I think!) does dh.

DH always checks with me first for the simple reason that mostly what he wants to do is go and play golf, which can take up a lot of a weekend day. Today, for example, he is playing 36 holes and has been out since 7 a.m and won't be back till 8 or 9 pm, so half our family time is gone.

As I arrange all family outings/entertainment etc, he checks first that a) here is nothing planned and b)I'm ok with taking over his share of the childcare for the day. The same goes the other way round, too.

Evenings, I have 2 set evenings a week when I'm out, any others he's welcome to (and the two I'm out so long as HE arranges babysitting for that time).

if i ever felt i had to seek permission to go out from dp i'd cry.

Dp will sometimes say "oh im playing golf friday is that ok" and i will reply, yeah why wouldn't it be"

I just cannot understand why people assume that being inm a relationship rendors them someones keeper/possesion

I think the permission issue is just like the nagging issue: it's a casual use of language that assumes that women are unreasonable and need to be placated and lied to.

If you have children with someone then you need to check on childcare arrangements before you can go out, unless you think it is their job to look after your children while you please yourself. In any kind of equal partnership there is the possibility that the other person might have plans.

Referring to the need to check as asking for permission is something that only seems to happen when it is the man going out. People would think it was really odd for a woman to talk about getting permission for a night out.