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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

tmi alert!! embarrassing question about sex aid...

19 replies

browneyedlou · 11/08/2009 08:12

Have name changed for this.

So basically last night dh was getting quite frisky and trying to initiate sex in a lovely gentle sort of way, and I was thinking hmmm, what's going on here. Then as we are getting into foreplay he says that he has bought something that he wants us to try and proceeds to get out this:

www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=10172

I was a bit and then I got upset. I don't know why as I am quite open minded and we have used toys and stuff in the past. I think I just felt that he had deceived me a bit by buying it without talking to me about it first and that he had kind of tricked me into it with the foreplay etc, although I knew I was probably being silly. So we didn't end up using it, and had lovely toy- free sex, and dh was lovely about it, quite embarrassed and apologetic too though I told him there was no need to be.

I have said I will need time to get my head around using it before we try it, but still don't know how I feel about it. Has anyone used anything like this before? How would you feel if your dh did this?

OP posts:

QOD · 11/08/2009 08:19

Oh my. I couldn't do it - I couldn't go near his butt, bless your cotton socks
X

QuintessentialShadow · 11/08/2009 08:24

Unless you are from a mens football forum lured here by tales of rampant threads about bumsex, I would say, shame on him for trying to rope you into fucking him in the arse by gentle foreplay.
What on earth was he thinking! But he bought the thing, he clearly wanted to try. But, alas, you will have no body part, only a piece of plastic in there, so it might not be so bad. However, like I always say "dont do something sexually that you are not comfortable with".

3cutedarlings · 11/08/2009 08:31

Have you done the bum prodding thing with your DH before? if you have then id say he just wanted to experiment a little further, but didnt really know how to bring the subject up with you.

However if your have not then i would be very to tbh.

Thandeka · 11/08/2009 08:33

aww you poor thing! I think maybe your DH was too embarrassed to bring it up in general conversation so chose this way to do it. From what you said he was embarrassed and apologetic which sounds like he is a good un - am glad he didnt have a sulk or try and pressure you into it.

Now you know it exists as an option he would like to try maybe in the future you will be up for it but I agree with Quintessentialshadow says- "dont do something sexually that you are not comfortable with".

ApplesinmyPocket · 11/08/2009 08:47

I see it has TWO plastic poles and you are expected to be plugged up at the same time you're, er, plugging him - it sounds violently uncomfortable to me, I'd be taking a pair of scissors to that inner 'pleasure pole' if it were me!

However I suspect he rather thoughtfully chose it because he thought it would fairly 'share out the thrills', as it were, and he sounds quite sweet and reasonable - could you maybe find some less mechanical way to try out this aspect of his fancies, a (covered) finger maybe? or a toy that doesn't involve this rather awkward-sounding double-entry dual-dildo dobber affair?

It does sound like you both have a good and adventurous relationship and I'm always of the mind that it's nice to make your partner happy if you can without it making you uncomfortable, but I must admit I'd run a mile if I saw a 'Dildo Panty' coming my way!

Original poster

browneyedlou · 11/08/2009 11:38

3cutedarlings well we have tried a bit of, um, bum prodding, he likes me to to hold a vibrator on/around the area during sex sometimes, and he said that thats what made him want to try the new device. But this seems different to me. for a start I will feel like a complete idiot wearing the thing.

Thanks for all your sympathy and advice though!

OP posts:

ilovesprouts · 11/08/2009 11:40

jesus {shock]

GrendelsMum · 11/08/2009 13:32

A friend of mine's done this - I think with pleasurable results

yappybluedog · 11/08/2009 13:50

I love how her breasts have been blacked out, cos that would be to to see

madameDefarge · 12/08/2009 00:20

a bit of a leap from gentle stuff to this! But heavens, its quite good value!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 12/08/2009 00:27

I think he should have talked to you first before he bought it. Do you think you could put it on ebay if you decide against it?

BitOfFun · 12/08/2009 00:34

A bit much to be put on the spot with! Keep it in the box of treats for when you both feel like it is my advice - not something you want to be surprised with really...

SolidGoldBrass · 12/08/2009 00:35

I think Apples has the right take on it: that he thought that particular thing would be fun for both of you (and some people do like the double-enders). However I would generally not recommend something like that for a couple who have not really done much in the bumsex line before: you need to get a little practice in and take your time while you get used to it IYKWIM. If you are reasonably OK with the idea of giving him one up the back alley anyway, a simple strap-on harness might be more comfy for you - or you might like to start with a buttplug or dildo you hold in your hand.
Men often do like something up their arses, there are good physiological reasons for this, it doesn;t mean he is gay or worrying about being gay, it;s just another fun sexual thing to do.

TheYearOfTheCat · 12/08/2009 00:40

I laughed too at seeing the blanked out boobies.

I truly never knew such things existed.

missmama · 12/08/2009 00:59

I was laughing at the black strip across the boobs.
But I am quite relieved they only go up to a size 14. We wouldn't want to be prodding and poking with a fat bird now would we!

LadyOfWaffle · 12/08/2009 01:04

I cannot even work out how it all works! Not that it matters, since it only goes up to a 'large' 14.

LadyOfWaffle · 12/08/2009 01:07

OMG, I see!! - there is one going inwards up you then another one going out! I thought there was one at the front, one at the back and the hole was a crotchless bit! But then I did wonder if that was right, as that would end up being abit of a chain...

LynetteScavo · 12/08/2009 01:07

I thought that sort of thing was for lesbians.

I've learnt something new tonight!

Malificence · 12/08/2009 13:20

My hubby reacted much the same when I bought a vibrator without discussing it first, it REALLY offended him and he thought I was saying that he didn't satisfy me.
Your "offending" item is very full on for a first go at anal play I think he's got a bit carried away after reading about it or watching strap on porn.
I take it he likes you to be very dominant in bed, he obviously likes the idea of you fucking him like that?
I'm quite relieved my hubby wouldn't want to try it as I don't have it in me to be dominant and would see it as total emasculation, I know lots of couples are into it though.
I would think that something like a vibrating butt plug or a prostate massager would be far more enjoyable for him and you could have real sex whilst using it, not fake, non body to body contact.
He does realise that he would also need penile stimulation while you were "doing" him with a strap on to get anything from it?

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