my very best friends int he whole world have split up, he is staying with us & doesnt love her any more....what shall i do?

[sunburntats]

Its like he has died, she is desperate, wants him back.
He is staying at my house with us, says he needs a break to get his head together.

I just dont know what to do to help them.

Get him out of your house, it looks like you are taking sides. Encourage them to talk to each other.
Be there to listen, it sounds like this is something they have to do themselves.

Not much you can do - stay as neutral as possible, do not take sides or bad mouth either of them and be there to listen or leave alone as necessary.

Both know i will not take sides.
I listen to each, dont comment.

its fucking hard, HARD.

She sends me desperate txt messages, pleading with me to help her.
says she doesnt want to live

lost about 3 stone, not eating, she is bereft.

he breaks down each time he talks about it.

I've been 'her'. It all feels so out of control. I think the best thing is firmness and calmness and loving support. In order to regain a sens eof control it helps to have concrete stuff to work with so reasons can help. Bite size pieces of info and explanation that may well hurt but they help you process the rejection. Can you help him give her that?

Can you get to see her at all ? Get round there with a pizza and a bottle of wine and try and get her to eat something. Are you in contact with any of her family/other friends who you could get to rally round as well.

I have been in a similar position and it is really hard

For you who have had the experience of bieng "her" thanks for your words.
Can i ask, what got you through?
How long was it until you began to feel human again?
What helped you?
He has gone back to try to make things work, he is willing to try.
She is so fragile.

I have done food shopping for them, done some washing, and ironing. Gone round at 5.30 am and stayed with her till late at night, i do not want to leave her alone.

She agreed the other day to some freinds knowing. So soem of them have been sitting with her, i have been able to go to work (i had to ring in sick last week, couldnt leave her)