Advice - relationship meltdown

[Pomegranate]

Good Morning

Just looking a lot of advice.

I am in the process of leaving my husband, who throughout the 16 years' of married, has been absusive, both physically and verbally. Has lied about his past, made other people out to be the wronged ones,(even though it was him). Has amassed a lot of debt in his credit - thankfully, the credit card is in his name.

I have 4 children, and unfortunately, he is refusing to let me take my oldest 2 two, who are 14 years' and 11, (and to make matters worse, i am currently pregnant again).

I am utterly distraught, he will not give my my oldest, i feel as if he has manipulated them, and they feel sorry for him. He keeps wailing and moaning in front of them, he keeps saying to me that i need to go and see my doctor(he thinks that i am mentally ill - which i am not!!).

I am just so shattered of this situation, and i feel its now or never.

Please help

Get in touch with Womens Aid, they will be able to help emotionally and practically.

A meeting with citizens advice would help too.

Sorry your teenagers aren't being supportive, but having been one myself thats about par for the course. They'll come round in time.

None of it is your fault, he is the one with the problems and with some support and advice you and your dc's will all be fine.

Thanks for the kind reply.

Unfortunately, my husband, is very controlling, and can be very charming, and i do believe that he has manipulated them into staying with him.

I have begged him to let them come with me, but he said no way.

I have contacted women's aid, and hopefully i will go on friday to see them.

I feel ill all the time, i just wish he would let me go without all this added stress. I have just reached the end of the rope, and i cannot do this anymore.

Womens Aid are lovely. I had someone come to my house once, they know all the tricks that blokes try and pull to make everyone think they are great and the woman is in the wrong.

Have you told your midwife about the stress you are under?

I am 14 weeks' , but my pregnancy is very high risk because of my diabetes, and he knows all this. but, he keeps blaming me, and blaming me for destroying the family. and he said that the children will turn against me when they are older.

They won't turn against you. In time they will realise how badly he has behaved.

the children wont turn against you if you are consistent - let them know you love them whatever they choose and you will be there for them - you need to know in your own mind that you wont hold it against them if they choose right now to live with their dad.

they must be very confused too.

rise above it...

he is using this to control you - and you rise to bait by begging him.

turn around your conversations, detach and become cool and calm. however much you seeth inside...

make it about the childrens choice. the children are people - they dont "belong" to him or you - it is about who can provide for them....if you end up in court you will need to show you are acting in childrens best interests not yours...

hope WA help you with this

I did make it the children's choice, and they are very confused, and they did state they would stay with him, as they feel sorry for him. Which i totally accept, and hopefully, when i get my house, they will live with me at the weekends. But, he has used the children to get back at me, which iwould never do.

Basically, he has been forcing me to stay with him, but, i feel that I cannot possibly take this anymore, and, I will let them go, for i do love them very much.

Men, why do they use children, as a tool to get back at women, it's just so sad really.