Am I over-reacting?

[BingBangBaby]

Got to be a quick one, apologies for lack of details.

Basically, I ended up looking on DP's phone this morning whilst he was at work. He has messages to and from his ex (divorced for two years) going on about money he owes her (he's never told me this) and he sent one to her saying "I have £10 for you on saturday"

At the moment we're struggling to eat yet he's giving her money behind my back?

Also one from him saying "I'll always take you around car boots in you want?"

Yesterday he said to me "I might start going around car boots ... but you won't want to come with me, will you?" now I know why ...

Also a text from TV licence to say it hasn't been paid for two months. I gave him two months payment on it so what has he done with that?

Am I over-reacting here? how do I bring it up without mentioning me looking on his phone?

He's been secretive with it lately and I think a lot of messages from his ex have been deleted.

if he is supposed to be paying maintainance and hasn't then he need to sort that out

he should not be lying to you however

there must have been something that made you look at his phone though

you need to sit down and have serious talk about finances,ensure the rent or mortgage are being paid first and foremost.

make sure if you are entitled to any benefit/tax credits you are claiming them

does DH have children with his ex?

their child lives with us but the mother pays no maintanance.

I know DP has a history of running up debt. He has been trying to get me to use my credit card a lot lately so I know he still has it in him.

Reason I looked on his phone is because he is suddenly being so secretive with it, it made me suspicious.

Tell him you'd love to go to boot fairs with him.

You can challenge him directly about the tv licence as that didn't involve looking on his phone.

it sounds like his ex lent him some money?

very dodgy to be so secretive, she obviously has some hold on him

I would forget the fact that you snooped tbh, you are going to have to confront him

if he tries to take the moral high ground and say you shouldn't have been snooping, remind him of the fact that he was being so secretive (and deceitful) in the first place

I think that you should address the financial situation re: house is secure, bank accounts, credit cards just as urgently as whether he is snooping around with his ex as you don't want to leave yourself vulnerable is he turns out to be a bad one.

wait 'til he is about to leave for a car bot sale and announce happily that you are coming along. See what he says.