When does a bicker become a row?

[wheresclaire]

I like to think that me and DH are normal. About once a fortnight our bickering turns into full scale nasty as hell rows. They start about housework/who is the most lazy/useless/who contributes the most money blah blah. But they always get really nasty and personal. Today we said how repulsed we were by each other, I said Im only with him for his money, he said he was only with me for the kids. A couple hours later we were play fighting about it. As normal. But this evening my sister said that this wasnt normal! That other couples didnt argue like this over nothing. Is she right??

No I don`t think so
As long as you move on from it

Thats the daft thing. Its like we dont really mean it. Just both so stuborn. Who can be the most nasty. Really grown up!

Me and DH are exactly the same!

We are the same
I don`t mean it
well sometimes I do but we move on

We don't row often

We bicker sometimes and then occasionally, it gets heated one of us may tell the other to 'fuck off' but it's always done quite quietly and directly.

That's a row to us.

We then get over it by apologising and talking and laughing,usually.

The thing is, Im not at all worried about our behaviour. It just us. We have always bickered, (thats slang for bitched about each others mothers) I have no doubts about our relationship. Its just worrying that to others we may seem unhappy.

Don`t worry about what others think
You know you are both fine
thats all that matters

is it in front of the kids?
That would be the only thing I would worry about.
Seems pretty immature though.

sorry

"I'm going to find a Turkish girl who'll clean her house properly"(him)
"Go and find a Turkish girl with hairy armpits then, I hope she has 10 brothers to kick your head in when you start on her"(me)
"I had to wipe down the cooker because you didn't do it!!"(him)
"You're not worth the paper your birth cert was written on you fat prick, your mum didn't even drag you up, that takes effort, she nudged you up!!"(me)
feel better now, OP?

Why do you do it?

When you are saying these nasty things do you mean them and does either of you get hurt?

Dh and I have a bit of an argument very rarely and tbh couldn't imagine anything like what you have described.

Fundamentally this is your relationship and as long as you both apologise and are on the same page then maybe it works for you.

If you're happy and it's normal for you, then it's working for you (as long as the kids don't hear).

Just another perspective, though - for me and DH this wouldn't be normal at all. We row about twice a year or so, and it's two minutes of (slightly) raised voices, up to an hour of sulking and then mutual apologies.

Reading about your rows horrified me, TBH - like FabBakerGirl says, why would you want to say such hurtful things to each other?