I need to talk

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

but there is no one who understands.

My therapy starts in Sept but not sure how to manage until then.

Talking about it makes it worse but I am worried that keeping it inside will make me do something daft.

I am hurting myself and it is just ridiculous.

I wish my nana was here, She would be able to help me.

First and foremost ((((((fab)))))))

Have you tried talking to the Samaritans?. You don't have to feel suicidal to speak to them. They are there always at the end of a phone and they certainly won't judge you.

You can and will get through this hard time you're in. Your Nan would not have wanted you for you to be so unhappy.

Big hugs sweetheart.

Can you visit your nana's grave and talk about the thoughts that are troubling you most? Or write her a letter?

big hugs coming your way!!!! try and talk about things and we can listen and try and help you. I dont have my mother or family around me either so i know it is very very difficult especially when you feel this low those are the pople you want the most. Please talk to us and hopefully we can help x

My Nana's grave is 100s of miles away.

I have got myself in a mess and it is my own fault but my heart is ruling my head and I am so annoyed with myself.

And that isn't even the main problem. That is because I have times of feeling strong, and feeling I can do this, and then something sets me back - might not even be related - and I am back to square one again.

I just feel so alone.

you are not alone though. You can come on here and talk. I know the feeling you are talking about. Do you think you have a touch of depression, cause i know i have pnd and little things set me back. I have good days where i feel really strong and say to myself right im gonna get through this and do this and i have bad days like today where i feel like shit and just wanna crawl into bed and cry but i have come to terms with that and just say to myself well you have to expect that.

Please don't feel alone Fab - I too have a knot in my stomach, the size of a large fist and a heart that is ruling my head.
It's possible we can help, if you want to talk...

I have depression and are on ADs. Have been on them for years.

Why can't I just do what needs to be done and stop arsing about? Is ironic my MIL thinks I am a control freak but I can't take control of myself.

shyandmighty - want to talk about it?

i too am on ad for years but its just not as easy as saying stop arsing about if there is feeling involved. Its all very well and good someone saying this is how it should be but when its yourself it takes alot of bravery whenever your depressed to make decision that you know are for the best. Start trusting yourself and listening to your instincts, im starting too but i have learnt the hard way believe me.

FBG - is it something you are able to speak about directly?

I am too scared and too.

Oh bless you, but maybe thats part of the problem. Having something upset us is bad enough without the pressure of not being able to get outside help and persective.
Is it something you will be able to speak to your therapist about? Does anyone know, you dh for example?

I just don't know what to do.

Whatever it is I'll someone else will be able to relate or will have been through the same.
If you cant say that's fine too but you really sound like you need support but it might be difficult for anyone to know what to say - it could be anything, iyswim.

Is it definitely the 'issue' that's the problem or is it just your overall state of mind and you're then over-focussing on this one thing? Because maybe you just need to check with your GP that your ADs are doing their job properly.

Whatever it is I'll bet someone....

FF check out my wine thread on chat. Will explain more I think. But I think you are right about it being an issue, a state of mind and too much thinking. It is all of them.

Ok FBG, will do.

FBG-do you keep a journal? or ever write things down? Sometimes writing can lead off onto a tangent then circle around and reveal an answer. Almost like a conversation with yourself, but written-it goes slower and I believe that lets thoughts get more developed. The writings can be shredded/burned immediately for privacy.

I may be over stepping a boundary here with only limited personal experience...
Have you tried feeling, feeling a soft teddy bear to know you are alive, rather than having harming pain prove it to you? Or a warm bath?

I don't know you as well as others here do (I am sorry if I have offended you: I know a lot of us -me too- are "up to here" in solitude so the last thing we need is another friggin' conversation with ourselves), but I do hope you take care and feel well soon.

I feel at the moment that I don't know how I feel. I know I love my DH and kids very very much but I also feel scared at times.