How can I exact revenge on the woman who destroyed my marriage

[ballbaby]

Sorry if I sound like a psycho bitch but i found out on Wednesday morning that h has been seeing someone and he was gone by wednesday night leaving me and 6yo and 3yo. I've been with him for nearly 20 years(I'm 36 so I've not had any other serious relationship). The anger I've woken up with this morning is a change from the crying I've been doing for the last 48 hours

I'm not asking for support as I'm getting plenty from h family, my family and friends. I'm starting a phase of thinking he was a completely selfish b***d all through our marriage and he might have done me a favour actually. I could really do with a laugh though so the more off the wall your suggestions the better

Unfortunately i only know her first name and don't think h will tell me any more so carrying out any of these might be quite difficult. But I'll enjoy considering them.

Wait until she goes on holiday, then put a couple of rats through her cat flap. And an open bag of maggots.

So sorry that you are having to go through this.

It will be worse for her and him whilst they are anticipating your reaction, so let them stew. They will be looking over their shoulders and you don't have to do anything.

Take care of yourself, x

I can only imagine how angry you must feel at the moment, but I think that it is so important to maintain your dignity and self-respect here.

Being violent or aggressive will give them something to agree on and bond over.

That said, I suggest placing fresh dogshi# collected from a local park into a jiffy bag - then post it to him. If the envelope is very deep then he will have to do some serious digging!

if only i had the nerve

Hi ballbaby - just read all the thread and I understand exactly what you are feeling - you just want to make these people hurt the way that you are hurting. I have been there.

In reality, you will just get on with your life, getting stronger and more able to deal with all of this as the days/weeks/months go by.

Do you know, it took me 15 months from finding out about the affair/ow to stop making excuses for my stupid h. It was like, all of a sudden, I saw him for what he was, just a stupid, overgrown boy, who also claimed the mid-life crisis thing (which I think is just a blanket excuse to do anything).

One day the anger will switch from ow to your h - you will see that you are the strong one - he was just weak and ready to upset you and your gorgeous dc rather than deal with any issues he had with your marriage.

Hold your head up and get on with your life - get a hobby (keep fit, running etc) and make sure you do something just for you. See a solicitor - you dont have to go any further yet but getting some legal information will make you feel stronger.

whenwilli... - I read that book by Shirley Glass - I found it really helpful.

The moral high ground is always the best place to be - but like you why not have some fun in your mind and think about all things you can do and then laugh about.

You do sound well rid and i do think that they will always be looking over their shoulder for you and will never be able to relax.

My fil had an affair and left - had new family ...... when he died many years later his wife (formerly his mistress) was still paranoid that his ex (my mil) would turn up at the funeral and so would not have it in the house - silly bitch my mil was really not in the least interested by then.

My h had an affair (we are working through it still), my dd says that one day she wants to confront ow and tell her what hell she put us all through. We all know it is not ow fault and mainly h - but as my dd says she can see the pain my h has gone through and he has made it up to her 1000times but ow has never had to face what she did to us. I will discourage my dd not to do this but i do hope that ow fears something like this could happen.

I have copies of emails between them (a bit too painful for me to read now - and h doesnt know i still have them - and i dont really need them now) - however there is a small part of me that feels that if i ever needed them i could use them iyswim. And again i hope ow realises this too.

Enjoy your fantasy revenge and hope you can move on to a better life.

THe best revnge on her is letting her keep him.
He sounds like a knob.

Just get rid of all his stuff and give it to charity, I am assuming he hasn't had time to shift his shit yet. You feel better cos he has no stuff and the charity benefits, everyones a winner, except for dickhead obviously.

Well I don't know about her but for him before you give his stuff back you can:

Cut pockets out of trousers and jeans.

Cut handles of bags, back packs or suitcases, they probably won't notice and will pack their bags for a nice little weekend break only to find that they can't actually carry them.

Cut plugs and leads off electrical goods very close to the main body of the item so that the plug cannot be replaced without specialist assistance therefore rendering the item useless.

These are ideas but there is no point in doing them because you will feel even more shit a few days afterwards.

My best friend once said to me "When it comes to relationships always keep the moral high ground". I was a bit as I was a rather dramatic and emotional twenty something at the time but life experience has shown me it is the best bit of advice I have ever been given.

The best revenge really is: "Oh god, you are soooo welcome to him - best of luck!" and to just be busy, busy, busy as if you really were being held back by that boring dead-weight.

Who knows, you may well find out that's true.

You've got your revenge already. She's got him and she'll have to deal with him. Ha bloody ha. You are so lucky.

This thread has cheered me up today - so I'm off to bed and bumping for more of the same tomorrow! Thanks for your comments everyone.

In effect he didn't leave you for another woman - he wanted to have his cake and eat it.

You kicked him out. Well done. No actual revenge needed. and hasn't she got herself a prize - not at all. He sounds sneeky and pathetic.

My SIL's H left her for another woman. Since he left she has lost at least 3 stone, goes on at least 4 holidays a year, and in the last 12 months has climbed Mt Kilimanjaro and done the Inca Trail.

Good revenge.

It just pisses me off that she always claims to be broke and expects us to subsidise her - but that is an entirely different thread . . .

Tell him that you have discovered a taste for three in a bed romps with 1 man 2 women.

Sorry a bit earlier in the morning for that.

This has happened to me and unfortunately, I did know the other woman as it was my so called best friend

I found it best to hold your head up high (in public, at least) and get on with your life. Falling apart will only give him satisfaction.

I always think that revenge will come to me one day as she's a lazy, fat, skanky witch who does nothing in the way of housework and my kids can't stand her. He's married her now so he's stuck with her.......until the next one comes along. Men who do it once usually do it again. Console yourself with the fact that you're better off without him and his morals that are lower than a snakes belly.

ROFL ToughDaddy!

I had a great timer as a single parent, it doesnt have to be miserable! I found it much easier than being in a couple (either with idiot xp or with nice dh).

You must have your hair done differently and rearrange your house. You will be a different person to the one he was with, its a fantastic sign to him that you have moved on. If you can afford to repaint a room or redo it with new throws, cushions etc in a really girly way you love and you know he will hate then even better.

You also need some male friends. Even if it is completely innocent he will be so utterly convinced it isnt because he will judge you by his own standards and it will gnaw away at him that he has been replaced so easily. Which will have a knock on effect with the other woman as she will want to know why he is still so obsessed with you

mabe tell her that she's welcome to him- he'd be gutted!

I like the phrase......................

When a woman steals your husband, the best revenge is to let the bitch keep him

But seriously, this happened to me last year, you will get through it

This happened to me, seriously, no kids involved but I live well and he cannot ever relax again because of what I did. Step one is to get a joint card and get yourself a fab new haircut, manicure, facial and any other preening you fancy.

Step two, get theeself to Boots, pick you fave make-up counter and get them to show you how to do make-up properly on you. Use the same card to buy everything they recommend.

Step three now you are even more gorgeous, you will need new clothes and shoes to enhance your new look.

Step four, get your bestest girly mates (and a babysitter, I'm sure your family will oblige ;) ) go and have some good nights out, don't be afraid of your fave watering holes - if you bump into him he will leave, if this happens give it ten minutes or so and then move you gang to the next pub!

Step five been seen to be having fun and enjoying yourself, it will be hard, but don't let him see you are beaten.

Two and a half years latere and my ex still can't go out for a drink, well anywhere really, or go to any gigs, his brother has met my new guy, all his mates think my OH is fab...... And he's sitting at home with the OW, nowhere to go and nothing to do cos I might well be there...... In the words of REM, 'I'm not one to sit and spend cos living wells the best revenge, baby I am calling you on that' good luck honey!

Forgot to add my final tactic. This is the hardest bit but you won't regret it, believe me. Work hard at deciding what you want. Take no rash decisions. Think carefully. If you decide you are no longer going to be in a relationship with him, you need to harden your heart. I don't mean this in a bad way. But you need to change the fundamental nature of the relationship. It will pay massive dividends in the long run.

You will still be co-parents and you need to think about the kids (seriously this counts as revenge as it will be the last thing he is expecting). Turn the situation into a business arrangement. Any negociation should take place on neutral ground, me and my ex would meet in coffee shops to sort things out, forces you to stay civil. We actually have an ok relationship, almost friendship now because I turned the split into a business deal rather than letting my heart rule.

I wanted my cats (full custody) I argued that I could give them a better more secure environment. I wanted to keep the house, I gave him proposals for buying him out (I realise this might not be relevant but they are just examples) we had been together some time, so agreed we would both keep personal gift and split everything else according to our agreed split.
I wanted the furniture, so we agreed he would take the games consoles. By doing this we stayed civil and everything was so much easier.

I think you mentioned feeling he might have actually done you a favour, if you believe that (I do in my case btw) it will make it easier to move on. Good luck xxx

three words of advice
"BE MORE FABULOUS"

remember the mantra.