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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

And moving swiftly on

26 replies

lookivechangedmyname · 23/06/2009 22:31

New thread, dh has been reasonable, but a litte annoyed every time i am on the computer and not happy that i have had the appointments this week. just seeing if you find me, you know who you are

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 23/06/2009 22:33

Are we friends? Sorry you're having hassle anyways...

DreadfullyDeTrop · 23/06/2009 23:25

Hello! So W A meet was positive? Tell us more

DreadfullyDeTrop · 23/06/2009 23:30

And yes he's annoyed, he's seeing the control slipping away. He's even followed you on here to monitor what you're saying about him fgs... I'm sensing though that you're starting to lose the guilt about the way you feel about him.

He's not shown himself in a good light to us, but he's used to persuading people - like your 'friend' - that he's the good guy - it must be driving him crazy that he can't pull the same with us

Doha · 23/06/2009 23:31

Yes Gocha

Keep posting

DreadfullyDeTrop · 23/06/2009 23:35

Oh, and wotcha BoF

BitOfFun · 23/06/2009 23:46

Dreadfully, give me a little clue- I'm a bit lost

DreadfullyDeTrop · 23/06/2009 23:51

Will mail you!

BitOfFun · 23/06/2009 23:58

toomanystuffedbears · 24/06/2009 00:05

Got to admit that I didn't waste my time reading any of his "lip service" verbage.

Same old, same old...just putting out a fog to try to confuse you. Actions speak louder than words.

It sounds like you are setting your course. Tremendous congratulations!!

You might develope a talent for not listening to him anymore. He is set in his character/ways, you know you can't trust him-so why bother listening to his toxic crap any more? Well, to be civil on subjects other than your relationship-so listen...the first inkling it is toxic crap then "in one ear and out the other". There should be no apologies for that either, since it may very well be a page out of his own handbook.

That wouldn't make you like him, because you would use it as a defense mechanism, not a strategy to grind someone to dust.

Take care and good luck.
And I a very happy for you that you are making positive progress for you and your dc.

Original poster

lookivechangedmyname · 24/06/2009 06:48

Wa just talked about the fact that change might just be a smoke screen, so recommended counselling, individual as well as joint. This suggestion was not greeted with whoops of joy. Still struggling with OM issue. Have a joint session at the end of this week. This morning he started talking to me at 5am. I can't remember the last time I slept properly. I'm shattered.

OP posts:

warthog · 24/06/2009 06:59

wtf??? why???

Original poster

lookivechangedmyname · 24/06/2009 08:59

why what? As far as I can remember, he said some thing like "I really don't like the gap between us" but that was it. just enough to wake me up. he says now that he thought I was meant to be getting up anyway, but why start talking to someone at that time if they are not actually awake. I am so tired. need to try to keep it together for s. appt later this morning. I need to put some sort of list together, does anyone have any ideas? May try to get some sleep later.

OP posts:

Doha · 24/06/2009 09:20

Did he waken you up at 5am or were you already awake.

DreadfullyDeTrop · 24/06/2009 10:23

2 words - separate rooms. Sleep deprivation is an awful thing, and you need to stop him using it. If he was serious about making a change then he'd be tiptoeing around with cups of tea, not waking you up at death o'clock... Re the solicitor, what's most important to you? Protecting your finances? Getting him out of the house?

Original poster

lookivechangedmyname · 24/06/2009 10:42

No was sleeping but I sleep lightly

OP posts:

Original poster

lookivechangedmyname · 24/06/2009 10:51

I want some time on my own. This situation is doing my head in. I feel so overwhelmed by everything atm and it isn't just something I can take a pill for. Appt today was good and discussed options. Going to have joint session and hopefully that will prove positive. Really have to try to get some sleep. I'm staggering around.

OP posts:

warthog · 24/06/2009 13:43

i think he needs to sleep somewhere else tonight so that you get a decent night. if you love someone, you want them to be healthy at the very least, not actively depriving them of sleep!

Original poster

lookivechangedmyname · 24/06/2009 14:27

Been to visit a friend. A church friend who believes me and doesn't think I'm paranoid or a bad wife and mother who should be on medication!

OP posts:

Doha · 24/06/2009 18:57

That's totallu unacceptable wakening you at 5am for a chat. It's not good for your mental or physical health to be so tired.
Tell him on no account to waken you from sleep before 8am or later at the weekend if possible.
What was he thinking of---oh himself and his needs of course.
Is tehre no way you can persuade him to go stay with a friend for a day or two to give you the space and sleep that you so obviously need.
I dont think anyone on MN believes you are a bad wife or mother--please do not thibk that of yourself either.
Your DH on the other hand.........

Original poster

lookivechangedmyname · 24/06/2009 19:10

Im going to try to get an early night. I have been shattered all day and I have to get up early and i have a gig tomorrow.

OP posts:

DreadfullyDeTrop · 24/06/2009 19:17

Sorry wasn't around today. So glad to hear you've got one church friend who believes you, and vicariously excited that you've got a gig tomorrow.

Hope you get a good night's sleep, and best of luck for tomorrow!

Original poster

lookivechangedmyname · 24/06/2009 19:28

I'm shattered. He's still following. I kno coz DC1 came in having been talking to him and said something about there needing to be a dadsnet, and he'd been on his phone in the garden. Will have to get some sleep, I'm all over the place.

OP posts:

Doha · 24/06/2009 19:47

Okay so he is following--lets go where he can't

I dont know how to do it but l am sure some intelligent NMers can advise how to set up a FB account--you need to be invited to join and you can control it that way. I think.

Can any of you lovely people advise on this

toomanystuffedbears · 24/06/2009 20:27

"Look at this page"

That is the first time I have ever tried to add a link, so feeping fingers crossed-hope it works.

I don't know anything about facebook, but looked up the privacy stuff on behalf of my dc and just received an email about privacy updates today-serendipitous perhaps?

The sabatoge, and harrassment has to stop! for you.
You need to separate, even if temporary. Insist on it.

Continuing the "it is all about him" thought (agree with your post Doha)...means that you don't exist. You are just an entity to reflect his superiority back onto himself-classic narcissism. He has used you enough, your turn is over; it is time for him to move on to someone else.

Sorry if my last post gave too much away.

DreadfullyDeTrop · 24/06/2009 21:39

Good you have some options from today's meeting. Maybe keep this thread for emotional support, and mail us or WA for practical advice?

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