Annoyed that DP has learnt nothing from his weight experience

[FlorenceMorningale]

A few years ago, DP went through a bad patch and put on a lot of weight. He ended up over 30 stone.

After many unsuccessful attempts at dieting, he was offered a gastric band to restrict what he could physically eat and he agreed.

So he's had this in since last year and in that time he has lost almost 15 stone. He looks and apparantly feels 100% different. So we were all really pleased but now that the novelty of being thinner has wore off, he's starting to go back to his old ways. For instance he'll have a packet of crisps or chocolate for breakfast. He's drinking lager everynight again. He's picking at food all day (like yesterday he ate a little meat pie before his dinner).

What really worried me is that the other night he went to toilet in the middle of the night, found himself in the kitchen and ate an onion bahji that was in the fridge. This is EXACTLY the kind of thing he used to do before only he would have eaten the entire packet of bahjis, not just one. However, only reason he didn't this time is because he is still restricted physically.

He is due to get the band removed before the end of the year and I personally think he will end up putting all that weight back on again.

If I mention it to him, he says its impossible as his stomach has shrunk now How do I get through to him??

I dont think you can. I think he needs specialised help.

I agree with TwoSunyDays ...... from what I understand, whilst it's true that a stomach periodically shrinks (when it's not being stretched with much food), it's like a balloon which will soon expand again when it's filled up. As you understand, at present it is being physically prevented from stretching - and from taking in more food - without him being sick, by the band ....... but once that's removed there will be no physical barrier to it receiving as much food as he cares to put in it. In other words, it is not permanently shrunken.

Was there no follow up counselling after his op ? I'm sure this must be very common and the band should be an aid to losing weight which is physically threatening your health, but combined with therapy to understand why you massively overeat in the 1st place.

I know you're in a difficult position as he sounds like a very stubborn and selfish man anyway (from your other post about his attitude to his daughter) who comes across as very bombastic, always in the right and domineering. I personally thinks he needs therapy for a lot more than his eating issues ...... some people argue that overeating is a way of punishing yourself and a sign of low self esteem, but he also seems to be cruelly punishing his daughter and potentially setting her up for low self esteem issues too. Not quite sure how you persuade him to get help though - other than with an ultimatum of splitting up - which is what he deserves. It's a good job his daughter has you looking out for her.

If he doesn't address the real cause of his obesity, then you are right, the weight will just pile back on - and more! And it will be much harder to lose again, the body fights back! Oh, and he can expect zero help from the nhs if he's had the band and then put all the weight back on!