Seperation - What practical things should I think about?

[mpuddleduck]

dh and I recently agreed to have some time apart.
He now has a new job and is living with his parents. He has opened a new bank account. Iam still using the joint account.
He has been away for 7 weeks, but is coming to visit for ds's birthday. What practical things should I be thinking about? My head is still all over the place and I have'nt a clue.

Open a bank account of your own. If he does draw on joint account then you are jointly liable for any debt.

Do you work? If so claim benefits first thing money morning. Also notifty tax credits. You will need to do a new claim (they may do it over phone)

Check out child maintenance options website.

How old is your DS?

Yes I work part time,and ds is 6,snd I also have 3 other children.

Freeze your joint account in writting with the bank. As post above says you are liable and so get the account frozen to prevent yourself from liability

Ask your dp to deposit 25% of his wages in your new bank account - this is what the csa would be asking him for.

use entitledto to see what tax credt, working tax credit you are entitled to and apply for this (if circumstances change and you get back together inform tax credit straight away.

Think about mediation/counselling to try to work out where you are going together or appart.

Both try to plan the dc access time with both of you and try to work it so there dad gets plenty of time with dc and week nights aswell so he isn't just a part time dad.

reasure the dc and both of you give the dc the same messages and make sure they know they are in no way to blame for the situation

do you have a mortgage? if not apply for housing benefit. Also single person discount for council tax.

Discuss maintenance. And access, The website for Child maintenance options has lots of informative leaflets. Regular contact that is agreed and stuck to is much more helpful for children.

Oh mpuddleduck, I couldnt find your last thread after I posted so never knew what you ended up doing. Hope you are well. The fact youre asking about the practical stuff is a good sign - you seem more (I dont know how to put this) confident and together.

As the other posters have said you need to notify the bank and tax credits people.

You might be entitled to help with rent/council tax so get in touch with your local council.

If you are wary of asking him yourself it might be a good idea to see a solicitor about access/maintenance.

Have found it!

I hadn't even thought about maintenance. As for access, he has moved to the other end of the country so I don't think the dc will get to see much of him. I have said I will take them to visit in the school holidays.
sb6699, I don't feel at all together and am worrying about his visit here, but know I need to appear in control when he comes.

There will be plenty of folk around if its a birthday party so I dont think you need to worry about him hurting you.

Was a bit worried when I read your other thread tbh. Have you invited him to stay the night. This really could send out the wrong signals when you need to make it clear how you feel about the situation (that its not just going to be a case of forgive and forget because a few weeks have past).

Is there nowhere else he could go. Or could you let him stay and you go to your parents or something.

I have already said he can stay here so I think I will have to see how it goes. This is the man I spent 18 years being married to, seems crazy to be breaking out in a sweat just because he is coming to stay

I do think I need to have a clear head (well as clear as possible)and have some idea about the practical things we need to talk about though. Hence this second thread.

Quick post before bed.

He terrified you so badly you chose for you and your dcs to sleep in car. Surely reading this back you can understand why you're a bit jittery at him coming over.

When I managed to get rid of my exdp, I would sit in the dark at night rather than turning on the lights just so that if he called in unexpectedly he would think I was out so your reaction isnt exactly extreme just normal I think.

Do you think he will stay calm when you raise these things with him? If not it might be a good idea to have someone with you - a mutual friend perhaps.