ILoveTIFFANY/Haribosmummy - I can see your point of view and fair enough. Let me emphasise, I do NOT think this is acceptable behaviour. However, looking at what summerparade says - no he is not violent to her or DC.
Look also at what foxinsox says and especially at what the book description says she linked to. This is really important:
"Men tend to express their anger differently than women do. Research shows men are often more violent and less willing to confront and deal with their emotions than women. Written by a psychologist who specializes in the treatment of male rage, Beyond Anger shows the angry - and miserable - man how to change his life and relationships for the better. This book helps men understand their anger by explaining what the specific symptoms of chronic anger are and by showing angry men how their actions negatively affect family, friends, and coworkers. It helps men control violent feelings by using simple exercises - developed especially for men - to identify when and why anger occurs and by helping them form new habits to prevent anger before it starts.
Read especally this last sentence:
Women, too, will learn essential strategies for understanding and helping the angry men in their lives. Beyond Anger is honest, tough, and real."
This is very important. I say what I said before. "He is not being abusive but should not pick DS1 up like that and shout at him."
DH has not always been this way. He regrets what he is doing. He needs to stop and he needs help to stop. Counselling may be one way, help from summerparade may be better along with DH reading and engaging in some self reflection. More physical excercise and other strategies. There are many ways to a good solution for DH and summerparade.
DH probably hates his anger and himself for being angry - but things can change. This is not black and white.
There are angry women too and I see it all the time on MN. Men are no different. They get angry but they do express it in different ways.