Am I being a bitch top set this up?

[Eve4Walle]

Long story so I'll keep it as short as possible.

DH's brother split from his Ex in October last year - they have a son similar in age to our daughter. Son lives with his Mum about 180 miles from us. BIL doesn't see much of son, is now with a new girl and that's a whole other story.

I have asked my nephew's mum if he'd like to stay with us in the holidays, to which she said yes. I am pleased but now concerned that BIL will be mad I set this up without speaking to him first.

What would you have done/do? I really want to see nephew and so does DD.

Why should he be mad?

Well you're definitely not being a bitch. The very worst you could be accused of is maybe being a bit insensitive towards your BIL, but if he's not making the effort with his own DS anyway, then I don't think he can reasonably take the moral highground.

In your shoes I would have spoken to BIL first, but not to request, more to respectfully inform. FWIW, I am in contact with both my Xs ex-girlfriends directly in order to maintain contact with his kids (my DCs siblings) as he has little/no contact. When we first split up I always told him about it, but these days I don't bother.

Hope that makes you feel better and good for you for not letting the relationship slide.

He's still family too, isn't he?

Their split was very acrimonious. DHs family have obviously sided with BIL on the whole issue and ex-SIL is always being rubbished by them, which pisses me off. They say she's difficult with access but I know this isn't true.

BIL has been quite stand-offish with me and his brother, my DH, and will possibly think I'm meddling and siding with his Ex for arranging this myself.

You aren't being a bitch at all. Let him be stand off-ish and just continue as you are. I think you have done a really lovely thing.

well it depends, if it does possibly affect his time with his child (wether or not he's seeing his kid isn't really your call is it?) i think you should have asked him first.

i don't think you were being nitchy or malicious at all though.it's a very generous ooffer towards your nephew, but in a case where the parents are not together and the child going away will affect one of the parents access i don't think it's unreasonable for that parent to expect to be consulted.

You have invited your daughter's cousin - your DH's brother's son - to stay with you over the holidays, and you think that is bitchy? It's very sweet. Your BIL's relationship woes don't even enter into it. I assume you have told your DH? What does he think?

Not bitchy at all- the only way it might be taken by your BIL is that the invite somehow means you have taken his ex's side in it- which is not the case.

Mayor - it won't affect BIL's access as thewweek I have arranged to have my nephew follows directly on from the week BIL is having him to stay. I am collecting him from BIL's home 40 miles away and then driving the 180 miles back to his home later in the week.

BIL rang me this evening and wasn't happy - he told me he'd have liked to have been consulted first, but I can live with that critism. DH is behind me all the way though.

Oops, lots of typos. Sorry, must be the one glass of wine!

I think you sound like a lovely Aunt and if your BIL does have a problem with it, it's probably that's it's made him look like a lazy rubbish Dad for not making more of an effort.