He hurt me, I hurt him. What, if anything to do?

[TheDevilWearsYFronts]

ExH came round to take the kids out and have dinner with them. He only took DS out, came back they ate dinner and the DC went nicely to bed.

Then he started bitching about things.

It descended into a row. To cut a long story short he threw water over me and grabbed me by the hair . I hit him round the head with a shoe and scratched his arm.

We then sat on the floor sobbing for half an hour.

Thanks god the kids didn't see any of this, but I can't have him round anymore at all. argh.

We are both as bad as each other, surely.

Would have namechanged but don't want the cries of troll given the DV trolls we've had lately.

After you both cried, did you talk to him?

You KNOW that you need to stop this, don't you! You should NOT see him. Let him see the dcs elsewhere. REALLY!

I'm not sure it's him thats vile reality, maybe I am too.

It broke my heart to see him crying about what could have been.

could have been what?

DD is awake , so sorry, I'll be back and post more later. I'm fine though.

so he grabbed you and you hit him on the head?

self defence - NOT the same league at all

Ignore his pathetic crying; it's emotional abuse - its all fake and he does it because he knows it gets to you

Get a family lawyer - ONLY communicate through them (legal aid will fund it) - use a contact centre if you don't trust him to bring them back / not bully them, or else just do the hand-over on the doorstep

You ok? did the kids really not see / hear it?

take care x and get some help, ok?

I used to feel heartbroken too when my exdp did these things. He cried a lot of tears over "what could have been" he also did a lot of things that scared the living daylights out of me too so I totally understand how you feel. The poster that said you need to stop seeing him is right.

I thought I was doing the right thing letting my ex come in for tea to see the dc's etc but really it was just adding fuel to the fire. When I stopped it made some boundaries I actually seen the manipulation for what it was rather than felt sorry for him anymore.

Thanks for all you advice, my internet was down last night so I couldn't get back on (must get that iphone BoF!)

Do you think Womens Aid will give me some advice? I agree we need to stop seeing /ta;lking to each other completely for a long time. I feel like such a fuckwit for still being in this position.

Hope you ok. I agree you need to stop seeing him. I think it is a natural reaction to hit or try and get them off you when they have you by the hair. I did with my ex, and me giving him a small hit on the top of his arm to try and get him to let go he thought it was resonable for him to hit back in the face. Anyway my point dont feel bad for fighting back, he should not of done what he did. Take care

I'm with Reality here Poor poor you - you need to disengage from him totally - physically and emotionally!
FWIW my XH was the same grabbing etc and they was always my fault for pushing him to it, and yes I would retaliate..in fear,in defence, in frustration
And yes my new DP would never ever grab me no matter what I did or said - I am 100% certain of that - it is NOT normal behaviour no matter what you have gotten used to!