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Original poster

Does anyone else have a dh who doesn't 'do' anniversaries etc?

18 replies

Haylstones · 04/06/2009 16:07

I think IABU (but little sensitive which is why I didn't post there!). It was our anniversary this week, I got dh a little gift and card and got nothing from him (we normally do cards,not a one off)

He knows I'm upset about it but hasn't done anything to 'make up' for it, despite me saying I would have been happy with a handwritten note saying Happy Anniversary if he really couldn't get to a shop.

Anniversary was 3 days ago and he still hasn't made any effort-do I forget it?

OP posts:
blametheparents · 04/06/2009 16:09

I wouldn't expect anything othet than a card, but I would hope for that!
we don't 'do' presents for anniversaries, though we might buy a giant slab of dairy milk to share! (it's all romance here!)

ohdearwhatamess · 04/06/2009 16:19

Dh doesn't do them, but neither do I. In fact, I think ours is coming up soon, but I can't remember the date.

Original poster
Haylstones · 04/06/2009 16:24

Oh, it wasn't a proper present, merely a couple of bottles of his favourite beer to drink at the weekend (I'd have probably bought them anyway with the shopping so not that generous!) The card did cost me £2.49, for which I expext at least a thank you!!

OP posts:
somewhathorrified · 04/06/2009 16:25

ohdearwhatamess us too! we normally remember the day after or something. Conversation goes something like this.." we forgot the anniversary again, and it's your turn on the coffees!"

PlumpRumpSoggyBaps · 04/06/2009 16:35

I must admit, although I'm hot on birthdays/Christmas (and make sure dh does his bit too- even if it's just paying for something I've picked out ) anniversaries have gone by the wayside a bit. However we do do cards and usually get around to going out sometime near the date. And I cook a nice meal at home on the day itself.

I'd be waiting a long time if I waited for dh to remember all by himself though.

Does your dh do romantic things at other times? Surprise bunches of flowers or something?

2rebecca · 04/06/2009 17:32

My husband has a wife who doesn't do anniversaries. He's more likely to remember than I am.

toodles · 04/06/2009 17:37

I'm another who doesn't remember our anniversary. I rely on my mother to phone and say happy anniversary, then turn around to dh and say "Mum's phoned to say Happy Anniversary, so Happy Anniversary dh".

I think we should start to make more of an effort especially as our 12th is coming up.

BEAUTlFUL · 04/06/2009 17:41

Our anniversary is also my birthday which has led to many years of disappointment! Usually DH will buy me one biggish gift and lots of smaller ones, and he'll just choose one of the smaller ones and make it the Anniversary present.

But saying that, this year he remembered what I wanted and bought "us" a beautiful clematis, while I did bugger all. No, I did do something - I bought him one of those cereal bowls that keeps your Weetabix crunchy.

I'd be annoyed if I were you, but if you mention it again you'll look a bit over-invested. Sorry.

malfoy · 04/06/2009 17:44

Another one here. Dh is rubbish on all celebrations. It is my 40th this year -no expectations at all.

Bucharest · 04/06/2009 17:45

I only remember ours because the date is the combination lock for my suitcase.
My dp is the utmost romantic. He bought me an octopus one birthday.

Original poster
Haylstones · 04/06/2009 17:59

We've been married for donkeys so it shouldn't really matter but it does [strop]
what's botheringme is that dh KNOWS it bothers me but can't be bothered making a small gesture that will shut me up for another year.

As for being romantic at other times of the year...no is the short answer

OP posts:
fucksticks · 04/06/2009 18:18

We dont really bother with anniversaries much, but thats not the point is it?
If it matters to you that he makes an effort to remember and you have told him this, then him not bothering is just rude.
Unless his feeling about the greeting card industry blah blah blah is so strong that it matters more to him than your feelings (which I doubt) then basically he is prioritising his laziness over your feelings.

newgirl · 04/06/2009 18:27

this is one of the things that is asked if you go to relate (cos ive been there!) - how do you both feel about anniversaries/birthdays/gifts etc

really it doesnt matter as long as you think the same. so if you both not in to them then no problem. if one of you feels sad then you need to talk about it - else sadness and resentment can build up.

my dh was not that in to birthdays - none of his family is either. but i like them and i told him years ago, and he makes an effort and i think a lot of him for doing that. its not about the money its about thinking about that person for a little while enough to buy a card or choose or find a little gift - to me its important as life is busy and can have its fair share of tough stuff, so a bit of care is a nice thing

if it is important to you then tell him now about how it makes you feel and say you would love it if next year were different - perhaps a night out you can arrange or something like that?

Blackduck · 04/06/2009 18:38

newgirl - so true, I don't do anniversaries and will happily forego xmas ( partic if we have gone away instead...) but birthdays are a different matter. They are, IMO, YOUR day and you deserve a bit of recognition. Dp gets this (he's not arsed particularly), and makes sure there are cards and a (little) pressie. Now if he bought me a valentines card I'd immediately assume he was playing away

goingslowlyroundthebend · 04/06/2009 18:58

We have a huge row over this on our aniversary. Eventually DH admitted (having not bothered at all) that he had a go at me because he know he was in the wrong.
When we got married we promised that we would always celebrate our anniversary, do something however small. Twelve years on... hmmm. I bother, he doesn't.
His arguement, I make you a cup of tea every morning, I do my bit in the house... Can you tell I am pissed off!

newgirl · 04/06/2009 19:40

going - that is classic male thing - showing love through actions - tea etc - they can be better at that sort of thing wheareas women like to say things out loud

but... if you like the cards etc he should try a little bit harder too

Original poster
Haylstones · 04/06/2009 19:54

Thanks all. To be fair, dh works at least 14 hours every day atm so its not unsurprising that he forgot. He (fairly) says that evrything he does is for us and our family so he shouldn't have to make small gestures but I like them- it breaks up the day to day monotony and makes me remember that first and foremost we're a couple who made a decision to be together... It still wouldn't have taken much to scribble a card for me though!

OP posts:
CakeForBreakfast · 04/06/2009 21:25

I think if anniversaries mean alot to you then he SHOULD try to remember to make you feel special, but - and am I'm not making his excuses, some people just find it incredibly hard to remember to sort this type of thing out.

I am one of them, our anniversary was a couple of weeks ago and dh rang on his way to work when he suddenly remembered, my response was "is it? are you sure?" and then shrugged and thought nothing more of it. In 8 years of marriage I still haven't remembered a single time (he's lucky if I remember his birthday), BUT it has NO significance on how we feel, he actually considers himself very lucky to have such an unromantic wife!

Anyway, I hope you feel better and I'm sure you are cherished in his own way?!

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