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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

what would you do ?

92 replies

isitcheating · 28/05/2009 15:51

my ex of a long time ago is in contact with me again and wants to meet up with me for a chat
ive been married 11 yrs to dh
is this cheating ?

OP posts:

blinks · 15/06/2009 22:49

course i did.

AnyFucker · 15/06/2009 22:55

isitcheating, I apologise for hijacking your thread to play silly games with blinks

have you replied to him?

my advice would be to ignore

blinks · 15/06/2009 22:58

i'm sorry too.

night all.

AnyFucker · 15/06/2009 22:59

good night blinks

Milliemuffin · 15/06/2009 23:02

I was about to say you two should take your little squable elsewhere.

isitcheating - hope ur ok. as hard as it is i think you should try and put it all out your mind for a little bit or you'll go crazy. take some time out, clear your head and hopefully things'll become clearer xx

lucykate · 15/06/2009 23:47

hope you're ok isitcheating. i really feel for you after reading your posts. i am now in touch with a past boyfriend from school (via the dreaded facebook!). i will always have a soft spot for this person, he was my first love, although it was never 'serious' , we were too young!, but it doesn't compare in the slightest to what me & dh have.

i do think you've done the right thing though, not meeting up with him. you need to separate the two issues and think about what you want to do about your marriage first before leaping into anything else.

DandyLioness · 16/06/2009 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

isitcheating · 16/06/2009 14:03

ok he replied to my email and wasnt very happy about my email and said he was very disapointed as he really did want to meet with me ut said that he still has a place in his heart for me and his feelings for me havent changed.
i couldnt stop thinking about him last night couldnt sleep and knew his wife was at work so i called him and we spoke for 2 hrs its the first time id spoke to him in the flesh so to speak for 2 years.
i know your all gonna tell me off ,that i shouldnt of done it but i just felt it was nessersary to clear things up
i told him that i didnt want to meet incase i fell in love with him and it would all get messy,plus the kids thing .
he made it clear that it would only be a kiss and hug sort of meeting and he didnt want to leave his wife ,she has cheated on him many many times ,they dont have any physical relationship thats what he is missing the same as me .
he though i was calling to ask him to come round but i wasnt i wouldnt do that if my kids were in the house .
he still wants to meet with me,im torn

OP posts:

macdoodle · 16/06/2009 14:07

oh the old chestnut his wofe has cheated/doesnt love him/no sex - what farking load of bullshit and you have fallen hook line and sinker!
You are going to do what you wany regardless of what anyone here says so why bother asking - I really really feel sorry for your DC. your H, his W - but for you and him nope not at all you will get whats coming!

zanz1bar · 16/06/2009 14:29

What do you want from this?

Do you want to meet, over lunch, hold hands, a little kiss, go home, dream of him, talk on phone, meet again, have lunch, hold hands , walk in park, kiss, go home.....

Looks like start of an affair to me.

AnyFucker · 16/06/2009 14:56

lucykate · 16/06/2009 15:03

sorry, but i agree with macdoodle

AnyFucker · 16/06/2009 15:06

a kiss, a hand-holding, a snog, a feel....a shag

then the twat fucks off and leaves you to deal with the fall-out

I could write this script with my eyes closed

ginnny · 16/06/2009 15:57

I agree with MacDoodle. You are playing a dangerous game and a lot of people could get hurt.
Do the right thing and stay away.

Original poster

isitcheating · 16/06/2009 16:44

all ive done so far is talk to him on the phone you are all jumping on me like ive committed a crime
im a grown woman i know whats right and wrong ,all i wanted coming on here and asking for advice is maybe hearing if anyone in the same situation had a happy outcome ,i can see from all on here the answer was no .
i know after the phonecall last night that he does only want a shag ,im not up for that i know i need to work out my marriage or become a single mum.

OP posts:

tammybear · 16/06/2009 17:14

I think you answered it yourself, that you came on here wondering if anyone else had a happy outcome, which would in turn give you the "go ahead" that you were probably hoping for.

But you did say you wouldn't have him come round quote "i wouldnt do that if my kids were in the house". So would you do it if they weren't?

Like the others pointed out, one thing can lead to another. You gave in to calling him, notably when both other partners weren't around. If my DP was doing what you're doing now, I would be extremely angry and hurt.

The fact that he has said his wife has cheated on him does not give him the right to go ahead and cheat as well. He has issues he needs to deal with himself rather than finding a distraction or an excuse elsewhere. This is the same for you. You say you know you need to work on your marriage or take the other option, and I hope you do. If anything you need to think of your kids.

SolidGoldBrass · 16/06/2009 23:23

Lok, this man is simply after a shag. Please bear in mind that he is probably phoning all the rest of his XPs as well just to see who will drop her knickers first.
He actually sounds unpleasantly manipulative. You haven't had any contact with each other for years and yet he is coming out with all this crap romantic guff about 'having feelings for you still' as though he is still 16 and someone told him then that the quickest way to get your cock sucked is to tell her you love her...
or that he is 21 and has heard that 'I just want to hold you' is a really good way to cop a feel without her objecting...
Etc.

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