Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

what would you do ?

92 replies

isitcheating · 28/05/2009 15:51

my ex of a long time ago is in contact with me again and wants to meet up with me for a chat
ive been married 11 yrs to dh
is this cheating ?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/06/2009 14:58

so sorry

MaggieBee · 15/06/2009 17:20

Despite feeling so little for your husband, I think it has never seriously crossed your mind to end the relationship.

WHy's that?

Would it be easier to cheat and be caught for that, than to tell him you don't feel attracted to him, you don't trust him, don't want to be married to him anymore..... you're just letting the years roll by without acting one way or the other. I'm not judging by the way! Just trying to help you 'marshall your thoughts'!

LadyOfWaffle · 15/06/2009 17:27

Best thing I did was meet my ex. I thought about himn alot when I was with DH, all through rose tinted glasses and then one day he wanted to meet... and I did. I was so shocked at how repulsed by him I was - he was immature, nasty and selfish. Now I have really moved on. It may make you realise you love what you have.

Original poster
isitcheating · 15/06/2009 17:42

in answer to your question maggiebee ive not left because im scared to be a single parent im sure he would go and we would never see him again ,for the kids im staying ,and im a wimp,i get ill alot and dont feel i would be able to look after my kids

OP posts:
MaggieBee · 15/06/2009 18:04

Don't stay with a man who would desert you and your children if you ended the marriage. I'm finding being a single mother much easier than I'd anticipated because mentally I'm happier and I can channel energies into being positive now, rather than hiding my unhappiness iyswim.

blinks · 15/06/2009 18:21

bizarre

Original poster
isitcheating · 15/06/2009 18:53

whats bizare blinks?

OP posts:
blinks · 15/06/2009 19:43

staying with someone because you think they might desert your children but considering going back to your ex (who makes horrible comments about your kids).

Original poster
isitcheating · 15/06/2009 20:44

what is your point exactly -i came here for advice

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/06/2009 20:46

Very helpul blinks

Original poster
isitcheating · 15/06/2009 20:48

ive had a reply from ex hes not happy he knew i would back out and has said he wasnt talking about my kids in the comments he made.
he still wants to meet with me if i so wish,not sure what to reply

OP posts:
Milliemuffin · 15/06/2009 20:53

From experience I can whole heartedly say sort out one relationship before you get into another, you need to be sure you're doing what you're doing with a clear head and a clear conscience or you could lose everything and for nothing.

AnyFucker · 15/06/2009 20:55

don't meet him

you sound horribly confused and this would mess with your head even more

I knew he would deny the comment about kids

blinks · 15/06/2009 21:05

isn't it strange anyfucker that you didn't jump on MacDoodle when she said almost the exact same thing as me.

bitter

macdoodle · 15/06/2009 21:10

oh LOL Blinks - me and AF tight we is

AnyFucker · 15/06/2009 21:40

you are not paranoid blinks, we are just all out to get you

for the record, mac did make an abrupt post and then qualified it almost immediately (can't be arsed to quote it, tis easy enough to find on pg 1)

I don't imagine you had any intention of doing that

but perhaps you will surprise me

I agree this lady isn't thinking straight, but no need to be quite so pointed about it

tammybear · 15/06/2009 21:56

I think you need to focus more on yourself and on your marriage.

You don't have to reply to him. You can just delete it and forget about it (as hard as I'm sure that will be).

If he was geninuinely (sp?) wanting your friendship, then he would just leave it and say it's okay and understand that you can't.

A single mum isn't as scary as it may sound. I became a single mum when DD was 8 months old, and it was my decision. It was tough to begin with and DD's father was sour about it, but the kids are what's important. There's mediation that helps parents that have split up.

You said you get ill a lot, maybe it's something you should discuss with your GP, about if you were single. Do you have family and friends close by?

I'm not saying you should split up with your DH, but if you're not happy, you should consider other options. What about counselling for the two of you?

blinks · 15/06/2009 22:03

your over-use of italics is un-necessary.

i understand what pointed means without it being slanty.

i shall never disagree with you ever again for i can see there are far reaching consequences.

AnyFucker · 15/06/2009 22:14

your use of - in unnecessary is unnecessary

arf

blinks · 15/06/2009 22:34

i dedicate this one to you...

if i could add italics to it, i would.

blinks · 15/06/2009 22:36

i'm starting to like you now that you're all pointed.

AnyFucker · 15/06/2009 22:37

-

bugger, it won't go into italics, will it ?

SolidGoldBrass · 15/06/2009 22:39

Well done for cancelling. FWIW your XP sounds like someone who just wants a shag (has probably just been dumped by someone else). IF your H is not right for you and there isn't any way of making it better ie if you are really repulsed by him, then maybe you should think about the best and kindest way of ending the marriage, but do it for yourself and the DC, not for the sake of some numpty who doesn't like children and doesn't, by the sound of it, really like you.

blinks · 15/06/2009 22:40

goddamit, no.

AnyFucker · 15/06/2009 22:42

you mean you didn't like me before ?

< sob >