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Original poster

In an affair

73 replies

ladyslapper · 25/05/2009 18:50

I know I am going to get slated coming on here after reading and commenting on the other threads, but I have started up in an affair again after being apart for a year please someone knock some sense into me, as its making me feel sick knowing what i am doing.

How do i walk away?

OP posts:
HecatesTwopenceworth · 25/05/2009 18:52

you have to want to.

Not being harsh, or having a go, but that's the plain and simple truth of it.

You need to WANT to walk away.

Original poster
ladyslapper · 25/05/2009 18:56

I know you are right there hecates.

I need to walk away for my own sanity,but the problem is that I love him more than anything. But I know he is being selfish by not letting me get on with my own life.

And i need to stop being selfish also and walk away before everyone gets hurt again

OP posts:
Kimi · 25/05/2009 18:58

Are you married? Is he? Are there any
children?

Do you like pain?

Why start it again?

Go to the mirror take a good look and ask yourself if you can live with what you see.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 25/05/2009 18:59

Are you single?

Original poster
ladyslapper · 25/05/2009 19:14

No I am not married anymore, and i am ashamed of what I am doing I have turned here to have some sense knocked into me as the people that i know in rl dont seem to think i am doing anything wrong.

No i dont like pain, it started up again as he came to see me and told me that he still loved me, I should have just walked away but I still love him

And now i am struggling with my feelings of guilt and what we are both doing

OP posts:
Original poster
ladyslapper · 25/05/2009 19:15

Yes he is married, we have both got a child

OP posts:
beanieb · 25/05/2009 19:16

are you asking how you walk away from your husband or how to walk away from your lover?

Original poster
ladyslapper · 25/05/2009 19:17

lover

OP posts:
beanieb · 25/05/2009 19:17

oh sorry didn't see you aren't married

rubyslippers · 25/05/2009 19:19

really? THe people in RL don't think you are doing anything wrong ...

you need to stop now

change your phone number immediately

don't respond to messages

what made you start up again? what is so lacking in your life?

you need to look at that and work on it before his marriage goes belly up and his kids are damaged

Spero · 25/05/2009 19:21

How can you love someone who would lie to and betray the mother of his child, with whom he (presumably) lives.

Doesn't that make him a bit of shit? If he really loves you, why isn't he with you and setting his poor wife free to find someone who will love and respect her enough not to lie and cheat.

Original poster
ladyslapper · 25/05/2009 19:24

I know that is what i keep saying to myself.

As he left once and they got back together, but he keeps coming back to me.

This has all started up after us not having any contact for 6 months

OP posts:
Spero · 25/05/2009 19:25

doesn't sound like you are able to walk away.

Get ready for a whole lot of pain for a man wwho sounds like he's worth less than nothing.

He did it to her, he'll do it to you.

Original poster
ladyslapper · 25/05/2009 19:27

I know

I really need to get the courage up and walk away

OP posts:
Spero · 25/05/2009 19:29

I'm sorry. I know its hard when you feel things for someone.

But I honestly think - short of actually killing someone - stealing their time in this way is the worst thing you can do. He presumably doesn't think much of his wife but he keeps her hanging on as his security blanket while he gives you a go.

If he was honest with her, she could be free to have a chance at a happy relationship.

BCNS · 25/05/2009 19:31

just think about being together really happy.. getting on in life.. and then finding out, he's seeing another woman.

devstating..

walk away, change your numbers.. if he comes over for a chat send him away.

Original poster
ladyslapper · 25/05/2009 19:32

I cant understand why he came back after 6 months of no contact and he wont talk about it, and he was crying the today when i saw him.

i go away for 2 weeks on wednesday and i was going to say on tuesday that we cant see each other any more while he is married.

OP posts:
Original poster
ladyslapper · 25/05/2009 19:34

He hasnt got my mobile number any more as i changed that 6 months ago and he only knows my house number

OP posts:
Spero · 25/05/2009 19:34

OK. he might be for real, he might really love you and be struggling with what to do for the best.

Tell him that he must leave his wife and have no contact with you for six months. If, after that, he still feels the same, you'd love to hear from him.

Original poster
ladyslapper · 25/05/2009 19:36

that sounds like a good idea but i think i should move on with my life and not look back wards as i am not getting any younger.

OP posts:
Spero · 25/05/2009 19:38

Not wishing to bang a pessimistic drum, but I think my suggestion would be 99.9% likely to ensure you never heard from him again...

Original poster
ladyslapper · 25/05/2009 19:39

Well why get in touch again after 6 months of no contact?

OP posts:
Spero · 25/05/2009 19:41

Er, no, what I'm saying is if that you put a condition on further contact that he leaves his wife I DON'T think you will ever hear from him again.

He sounds quite cowardly tbh.

Original poster
ladyslapper · 25/05/2009 19:45

i was meaning why has he got back in touch with me after 6 months of no contact?

OP posts:
raggedtrouseredphilanthropist · 25/05/2009 19:45

having been on the other side of this - my ex left me for ow - I would say he is probably keeping his options open. The pattern I have noticed with men having affairs is that they like to have their cake and eat it. So he may be telling you he loves you, and be in tears, but I bet he is still telling his wife that he wants to be with her.
regardless of the morals involved here, you deserve better than someone who is going to keep you hanging. If he is for real, then he must leave his wife first - the idea that he leaves and has no contact for 6 months is a good one. That will sort out if he is really serious. Otherwise, be prepared for him to keep saying he loves you /will leave dw etc, but just keeping both of you hanging.
cut all contact - if he really loves you and you are meant to be together, he will do the right thing and leave his wife first.
the other thing to bear in mind is, of course, that someone who can do this to his wife will always have it in them to do it to you. Do you really want to be with someone who can be deceitful and behave with so little feeling towards his dw?