I hate to be the one to post after such lovely news,but I am still struggling with all this. DH said when he spoke to my mother he really didn't think she was taking in anything he was saying- especially about him not having a problem with me. SHe was trying really hard to get DH to 'admit' that I am the problem. I suppose my siblings and my father will readily agree with her,and my SIL doesn't seem to know any different either, so why shouldn't DH. The fact that he has married me, had a family with me and stayed with me for 20 years clearly does not mean anything- I suppose she would characterize him as being long suffering, like her, putting up with me because they are so lovely. But I am beginning to accept this is not true.
It is strange because even my brother once told my parents they 'were going too far' once, when they were being particularly abusive towards me (I only have my sister's word for this). But even that upsets me- it implies that my brother knows my parents were abusing me all along, it was just when it seemed a little too overt that he advised them to rein things in a bit.
I know I cannot let things carry on the way they were, but I am really struggling. I feel as though I am being cruel to my mother. And yet I know she is no good for me. She doesn't really miss me- or else she would be rringing me up- she wants me to ring her so she can win, and I feel like I am playing her game- wether I ring her or not she knows she is having an effect on me. Maybe if I never ring her again she will get the idea, I dunno. But then it feels like I am punishing her, which is wrong. I am not though, I just don't want to ring her anmd have her lay on the emotional guilt trip because she breaks my heart every time she does it.
Please excuse my ramblings