Different intersts

[Pomi]

Married for four years but do not spend time togther, do not talk much just about kids(have two 16 and 6 mths). DH loves computer games rather addicted to it, watch science fiction and action movies while i like indian movies romentic and musical. He spend so much time on PC games that it makes me mad. Had many rows and disputes but no result. He also does not help me with kids who are so young. Do you have any soloution?

will he talk to you at all...?
if not...hide his games and make him talk to you...sometimes men don't realize the seriousness of their actions...

What brought you together in the first place? You must have had some things in common

Go out and leave him with the kids.

He'll realise he needs to talk to you!

Had an arranged marriage. He is not talkative man but loving. He had so manay PC games that i cannot hide all. Once i hid his newly bought one as i am against spending so much mony but it did not worked. The problem is i have no where to go if i leave my kids with him.

Shops! Take one to a mother and baby group and leave him with the other.

Hairdressers, beauty salong

Gym, yoga, pottery

Pomi... make him talk! Hide the games console/ pull the plug on it...
tell him that you need to talk to him about stuff, even if he doesn't want to tak... he can still listen to you!

I had a friend at college who had an arranged marriage. I am in no way claiming to know much about it... but she had similar problems, which mainly stemmed from the fact that her husband had been brought up in a very traditional Indian family. She was expected to cook and look after the kids while he did bugger all.

Is it the same with your husband? Or is he just not interested in helping regardless?

as DR. Phil says " just cos they roll their eyes doesn't meant they close their ears!"

you have to negotiate time. ask him to bath the kids at 6.30 whilst you sit with feet up. then negotiate an hour of both of your time to discuss the day in the evening.

re: not talking about anything but the kids, well you talk about what you know - if you spent all day with kids you talka bout that - unless you talk up art or martial arts or french evening class you will have nothing to broaden your horizons conversationally.

i must say i never went out with my husband on a social level, thers nothing worse than looking accross the table and thinking " i dont want to talk about the kids ummmmmmmmm errrrr" so i told him i didn't want to be taken out like that it felt flase and we could talka bout kids at home and save £50. instead i went out with my mates. if this is not an option for you look around see what evening classes there are. something else to talk about something which interests you and something to get you away from screaming brats for a while and something to introduce him to his children!

Thanks for all the advices. I am seriously thinking about going out for shopping(clothes etc) and hairdressers. Maybe join a yoga class.

starlover, DH is British but from Pakistan, never cooks or clean when i had ds2 things became very busy then i made him to help. But taking his help is ten times more difficult than doing myself because i have to ask so many times.

cutardo, negotiated so many times but never worked, maybe for one day when i become mad and loose my temper with him.

pomi, you have to fight for what you want.
with two kids, you have a lot to do. he needs to do his part. even if it is something as simple about not complaining about having the same dinner threee days in a row. or heating it up himself and also washing up after himself. or ironing his own clothes. if he doesnt do those thngs, then tell him you were too busy making sure his kids had fressh nutrient filled food and who is more important in his opinion? him or the kids? i bet he wont have an answer to that...

also, go for internet shopping! serves him right for being on the computer all the time!