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Original poster

No sex (part 3)

62 replies

SickOfTheMaleSpecies · 17/05/2009 21:19

Part 3 in the saga of "no sex, despite initiation".

For those that don't know, my partner seems terrified of sex, despite insisting that there is no problem and that he's just 'tired'

Well, morbid curiosity is keeping me going with this and I know a few of you are wanting updates on the strange fiasco too so here is the latest happenings.

HE started off a discussion about contraception last week. I said "I don't suppose it matters, it's not like we need it, is it".

He then said "yeah we havn't so far, but we WILL do ... soon I hope?" as if it's all been my fault!?

So to cut long story short, I decided (with his input) to go back on the pill. I remembered you took the first one on first day of period so specifically timed my doctors appointment for that day. DP seemed very enthusiastic and drove me there himself.

Now, I was due to be staying at his house that same night. So when we got home with the pills, he said:

"So, how long do you have to wait before you can do anything? is it 7 days?"

I genuinly couldn't remember and the instructions didn't say. So I said "to be on the safe-side, I'd say 7 days". He looked REALLY relieved and said "oh! well ... yes, I agree, we should play it safe and leave it for 7 days ... it's good that we both know where we are tonight then ... " so in other words he was relieved that he was off the hook.

Now I would NOT be persisting with this sex thing but he is giving me mixed signals ALL THE TIME. Why on earth would he push the contraceptive thing if he didn't want to have sex? why would he drive me there himself and act as if it had been a long time coming?!

Then that night he's all over me saying "oh, I can't wait for these 7 days to be up" but I know for a fact he will come up with some other excuse in 7 days!!!

If he just said to me "actually, I'm a no-sex-before-marriage guy" I would be FINE with that! but its the mixed messages that are driving me nuts.

OP posts:
TitsalinaBumsquash · 17/05/2009 21:22

You really are gonna have to have a strieght out talk with him and say to him,

"look your giving me mixed, messages! Do you want to ahve sex with me or not? If so why do you seem so worried/scared? Please talk to me, becuase i don't know where i stand!"

I would be really curious with this one, im the sort to not be able to let it go untill i got a definate response. Im slightly strange though maybe...........

MuthaHubbard · 17/05/2009 21:23

have read your other threads and I'm sorry but something just doesn't add up here. like you say, if he'd said 'no sex before marriage' then fair enough. but you should be in the 'wanting to rip each others clothes off' phase, and even if it's not full sex due to contraception issues, surely you'd be snogging/feeling each other up/mutual masturbation by now?!?

am sorry but i don't think i could but up with this for this amount of time

Original poster
SickOfTheMaleSpecies · 17/05/2009 21:23

I'm the same, I'm more interested in the reasons for his wierd behaviour than the sex itself now! LOL

OP posts:
solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 17/05/2009 21:24

This is beginning to sound, frankly, a bit sinister. He is playing with you in some way. He is enjoying keeping you off-balance and puzzled. WHatever it is that's making him behave like this, it's unhealthy and unethical, because he is deliberately misleading you and being dishonest.

Original poster
SickOfTheMaleSpecies · 17/05/2009 21:25

sorry, crossed post.

He does do the foreplay mutha but he's odd with it. For instance he'll start touching me etc and then he'll say something like "oh, I must behave myself, I'm sorry" and he'll laugh. It annoys me though because he knows full well I don't want him to stop.

Part of me is wondering if he's into mind games.

OP posts:
Original poster
SickOfTheMaleSpecies · 17/05/2009 21:25

crossed post again solidgold! :-)

OP posts:
MuthaHubbard · 17/05/2009 21:27

agree with solid - something just isn't quite right, esp now with what you say with regards the foreplay thing.

the only thing I can think it could be is the way he's been brought up - maybe very religous? ie thinks sex dirty/wrong?

QuintessentialShadows · 17/05/2009 21:28

I had a boyfriend like that once. He could be quite full on with the foreplay. It turned out he was trying very hard NOT TO BE GAY, hoping that he should learn to love a woman, and want to have sex at some point when the love had developed fully.

Original poster
SickOfTheMaleSpecies · 17/05/2009 21:29

no, asked him if it's religious and he laughed at me and said "course not".

I've asked him about every scenario and he denys each one and just says he's tired.

I wonder though, who would rather play mind games than shag? especially men!? never known anything like it before.

OP posts:
Original poster
SickOfTheMaleSpecies · 17/05/2009 21:29

Shadows, that possibility has been floating in my head, I must admit.

OP posts:
solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 17/05/2009 21:35

Bad Nasty possibly dangerous men, that's who. He's laughing at you and telling you that what you see isn't really happening. This is horrid behaviour and there will be something worse behind it. It's way beyond a bloke who is just a bit shy or has a low libido or a past trauma or might be gay, this is deliberate calculated gameplaying and I really think you should dump him on his arse as soon as possible.

BrokenFlipFlop · 17/05/2009 21:35

So forgive me if this sounds like a silly question but if it weren't for the 'sex thing' would everything else be fine? ie whats he actually like outside of the bedroom??

QuintessentialShadows · 17/05/2009 21:35

He would say stuff like "oh, I am getting myself into trouble here", and "oh, I really must behave myself now", "oh, I can barely contain myself", then look really flirtatious, and withdraw any physical contact. It was like "here, but no further". I got sick of it, sussed him out and called it a day.

ilove · 17/05/2009 21:39

I agree with Solid

BitOfFun · 17/05/2009 21:40

I would have lost interest tbh- I can't believe you can be arsed yourself now

Original poster
SickOfTheMaleSpecies · 17/05/2009 21:45

Shadows, he's said the exact same things! all of them.

Everything else is/was ok but there's other stuff creeping in now too. Like he delibrately ignores me when I'm speaking and changes the subject. He gets REALLY angry whilst driving and has started trying to highlight my faults in a very, very subtle way.

For instance, he'll wobble my belly and say "sexy belly" but he'll do it in a way that highlights the fact that it's wobbly. Or he'll say "sexy stretchmarks" and keeps going on and on about chicken legs.

I said I had chicken legs once ... he insisted that I didn't ... but he keeps going on and on and on about it now saying stuff like "let me have a look at your so called chicken legs" etc

I have a mole on my jawline which has a hair growing through it. Not long or thick, you wouldn't notice unless you were feeling my jawline. But he found it and now goes to highlight it everytime he gets the chance. I will not shave a mole, I don't care what he thinks.

But its little things like that, I'm wondering if he's trying to chip my confidence away in a way he thinks I won't notice.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 17/05/2009 21:48

Goodness me get rid.....

BitOfFun · 17/05/2009 22:13

Bin. Now. Why are you wasting your precious time on this idiot? I wouldn't want to be bumping uglies with him this side of the next millenium.

howtotellmum · 17/05/2009 22:14

I don't think he is laughing behind your back, or that he is playing a premeditated game. He could be- but, that is a cyncial take on the evidence.

I do think he is not being honest. I also any other bloke would have said- "oh yes, you aren't safe straight away with the pill, better nip out and get some condoms, eh?"

It just shouldn't be such hard work!

I hate to say this, but I think in some ways you are encouraging/collaborating indirectly in his responses, as you haven't got angry or even really put him on the spot and said "This is weird...you have a problem- out with it, or it's over."

He is just not wanting sex with you- face up to it. It's not about you- it's his problem. Whether you persist and try to get to the bottom of it depends on how much energy you want to put into something that doesn't look too good from the outside.

hobbgoblin · 17/05/2009 22:15

Yes, why haven't you dumped the twatter?!

howtotellmum · 17/05/2009 22:18

i've just re-read your post- is this for real? You both sound very adolscent, tbh- him driving you to the drs, you waiting for the 1st day of your period ( you must be very regular!), and him getting excited over the idea of you being on the pill- bit like a pair of 16 yr olds!

I also find it a bit odd that you didn't know when to start taking them! Didn't you ask? couldn't you phone a pharmacy and check? weren't the instructions in the packet ? They usually are.

I hope you are not a troll. This is all a bit weird.

AnyFucker · 17/05/2009 22:19

I am bored of this now

SickOfTheMaleSpecies...I fear you are as weird as he is

Attention-seeker anyone?

howtotellmum · 17/05/2009 22:27

i think I hear the sound of trip-trap.

It's bad enough trying to get a drs appt when you need it- never mind timing it for the 1st day of AF!!!

Original poster
SickOfTheMaleSpecies · 17/05/2009 22:28

Anyfucker, you don't have to read it

Howtotell, I knew when to start taking them, I just wasn't sure how long after they became effective.

OP posts:
hobbgoblin · 17/05/2009 22:29

Ewwweeeeeeeeeeee! If this is trolling then my thougts on what the poster was trying to get out of it are making me feel a bit eugh!

Lots of mnetters expressing their gagging for it exasperation with not getting any. Yuck.