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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Post nuptual agreement - what are your thoughts

24 replies

feelingpositivemum · 30/04/2009 14:09

My husband wants me to sign a post nuptual agreement! ( we have been married 14yrs and have 4 children.

I have refused so far as I think it's too clinical - our marriage isn't the best by the way.

I wondered if anyone had any views on whether they would do this to keep the peace. He wants it 50/50 but wants a guarantee I'm not going to 'screw' him in the future. Very romantic...

OP posts:

SheWillBeLoved · 30/04/2009 14:13

I actually think it's very practical. I wouldn't fancy losing everything I had in today's climate. If you're so sure that you aren't going to 'screw him' in the future, then just sign it.

50/50 is a fair deal. It protects you from being screwed also.

TwoScrambledEggs · 30/04/2009 14:17

Does he want to split up and wants to get the deal done before it all goes pear shaped and angry?

TwoScrambledEggs · 30/04/2009 14:17

Also, I would talk to a solicitor first, just to be on the safe side.

potplant · 30/04/2009 14:19

Sounds a bit fishy to me, after 14 years he wants you sign an agreement to say that you will only take 50% of the assets?

Did he say why he wants this now?

potplant · 30/04/2009 14:20

Agree see a solicitor.

Why does he think you are going to 'screw him'?

fishie · 30/04/2009 14:21

a pre-nuptial agreement is reasonable. this is mental. he might as well say 'well i can't quite decide whether or not i want to stay with you, but just while i think about it sign this piece of paper..'

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/04/2009 14:22

If your marriage is not the best is there any way both of you can work on it?. Fourteen years plus of marriage would also be taken into consideration by the courts.

Has he been married before or has he seen friends being treated in his eyes "unfairly" by the court system?. You don't have to answer that but a yes to either of those would need further discussion between you.

I would not sign anything without first showing such a contract to your own Solicitor. I'd certainly not sign it just to keep the peace!. A person should never sign any legal document without seeking legal advice initially. It could be that the contract is decidedly in his favour and is very unfair towards you and the children.

Original poster

feelingpositivemum · 30/04/2009 14:32

I think seeing a solicitor is a good idea, I wouldn't do anything without doing that. He is paranoid about losing his hard earned money and is hard wired into thinking that all women ultimately want as much as they can get if the marriage goes to pot. He gets ridiculously upset about this if it appears in the news at all.

I actually would only think 50% is fair and wouldn't want more, although he does want what he bought into the marriage back, so it's not quite 50%!

OP posts:

SomeGuy · 30/04/2009 14:33

tell him to fuck off.

Original poster

feelingpositivemum · 30/04/2009 14:35

Thats interesting coming from a man, he says that you all think that.

Why do you disagree?

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coppertop · 30/04/2009 14:39

So he thinks that one person should be entitled to 50% of the family's assets while the other 5 people in the family share the remaining 50%? How on earth does he justify that as fair?

Original poster

feelingpositivemum · 30/04/2009 14:41

Because, he wouldn't let me have the children with just access visits to him. He would give up work and look after them himself (said in argument) or we would share 50/50 (said in less heated argument).

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 30/04/2009 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

coppertop · 30/04/2009 14:43

He wants everything his own way, doesn't he? Has he even considered that your children (I don't know their ages obviously) might not want to live with him if you divorce?

MadameCastafiore · 30/04/2009 14:45

I reckon you should go and see a solicitor love - sounds like he wants out of the marraige and is trying to ensure that he gets more than most men do.

I would go and see a solicitor.

fishie · 30/04/2009 14:47

he sounds a charmer... i'd be running to the solicitor.

JeMeSouviens · 30/04/2009 14:48

I was presented with a post-nup early in marriage, and was told in no uncertain terms by a solicitor NOT to sign it. However being young, impressionable and feeling co-erced I did. During the divorce my solicitor (a different one) said it couldn't be over turned even though I felt co-erced. In the end I didn't care as I had no DC and was well rid of him and did leave with something to get me started again.

If you have 4 children that you will need to care for you should be getting more of the pot, should it come to that. Do not sign it.

Has he given you an ultimatum, ie sign this or else ......? If not, then tell him to get stuffed. And if he has issued an ultimatium, still tell him to get stuffed.

HolyGuacamole · 30/04/2009 14:50

Jesus. My suspicion-o-meter would be off the scale if I were you. Agree with everyone, see a solicitor on your own.

2rebecca · 30/04/2009 14:58

That's very strange. Why is he wanting it signed now? Odd.
I earn more than my husband but never considered a pre-nup. If you marry someone you share everything. Having said that I think the divorce settlements are more sensible in Scotland as all the marital assets are split 50:50 and their is no spousal maintainance. You just pay SCA or private agreement for kids, adults are expected to be able to look after themselves, especially as poorer spouse will get 50% of marital assets including pension of wealthier one.
I think sitting down and discussing what you want from a marriage would be a good idea even if no piece of paper signed though eg how you manage finances, do you want kids, jobs and childcare after kids, housework, nights out etc.
Couples who casually move in together could also do with doing this.

SomeGuy · 30/04/2009 15:10

He obviously thinks you're likely to get divorced. Now rather than 14 years ago. If that's so, why on earth would you want to weaken your position when that happens?

All it seems designed to do is weaken your marriage. Wouldn't it be easier for him just to ask for a divorce?

Original poster

feelingpositivemum · 30/04/2009 15:41

Thanks everyone , lots of food for thought and tbh not a lot of it comes as a big surprise. Just wanted to know if my initial instincts were right - you can mull over these things for only so long before you begin to go mad.

Thanks everyone.

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Pinkjenny · 30/04/2009 15:48

This is the kind of stupid idea my dh would come up with. He is very anxious that I never take any of his money. I would NEVER agree to it.

mrsboogie · 30/04/2009 22:08

Christ - he's clearly wanting out and trying to secure his financial position first. What a complete and utter git! Tell him you will go 50/50 after you have been remunerated for all the childbearing and rearing and housekeeping tasks you have done for 14 years.

Should come to a pretty penny!

Original poster

feelingpositivemum · 30/04/2009 22:36

Ah, I've tried that but as ever he has an answer to that.

He says he would love to change roles with me and do those things but I could not earn the money he does so why would he owe me for those? Even though I've worked in our business as well throughout bringing up 4 children.

He says he doesn't want out, just the security if I do. He knows I'm near that so I think he's hedging his bets. Prob is the longer he goes on the more right he is!

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