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Original poster

Threesomes - anyone tried this....?

89 replies

naughtygirly · 28/04/2009 18:34

I am using a different name for this as I know how judgemental people can be about this sort of thing!

DH and I have a great sex life and a very happy and stable relationship. I have always been turned on by the idea of being with another woman (I am not a lesbian or even bi-sexual as I am not attracted to women as such). Last year we had a short encounter with another woman while on holiday which we both enjoyed but it was a bit limited and we wanted to experience a full on threesome. We have talked about this many times over the past year. Since the occasion on holiday I have also found the idea of watching DH with another woman a big turn on. Obviously being a man the idea of two women is not something he had to think much about!

Anyway after much searching we have found a single girl who we have spoken to several times and we are meeting her this Saturday. I am not nervous or worried btu was wondering if anyone else had done this or if we are in the minority here?

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 28/04/2009 23:00

Make a cup of tea?!?!?

Hope you knew her well enough to know whether she took milk and sugar - imagine having to interrupt the action to ask!

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 28/04/2009 23:02

laughing at Mamazon - "you have to think long and hard"

Deemented · 28/04/2009 23:05

CHA - it totally depended.... i sometimes joined in... or was pleasured by the other woman whilst hubbs was 'on the job'. Sometimes i just left them to it.

nikki1978 · 29/04/2009 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/04/2009 12:32

agree def better to be the invited guest

not judging you at all, though personally i couldnt bear to watch my dh make love to another girl and tbh think it would break my heart he could be that intimate with someone else iyswim - but thats just me

i think in 3ways, one could feel left out, so if you wanted to do a 3some, i think i would suggest/prefer to go swinging - that way both are with someone else and both know how it feels iykwim

and def dont use a friend/someone you know - much better to be a stranger

hope meeting goes well on saturday

AccioPinotGrigio · 29/04/2009 13:12

er ...... name change????

EachPeachPearMum · 29/04/2009 13:21

ooops!

Original poster
naughtygirly · 29/04/2009 13:27

Oh tits Oh well never mind hee hee!

OP posts:
Leni75 · 29/04/2009 21:03

i think these things can only really end up badly IMO, fine if you are in a casual relationship and you don't have strong feelings for person, but if you are in love it can open up a tin of worms that you just won't be able to shut....you can't take it back....

Deemented · 29/04/2009 21:48

Not nessicarily, Leni - hubbs and i were married, and we had a several threesomes. It all comes down to trust.

DomPerignon · 29/04/2009 22:00

Whether your partner and you have a rock solid relationship and trust eachother implicitly, there is still an unknown factor: the "guest".

How will she react? Will she start fancying your dh? Will she start playing mind games? Will she start edging in on your position? What if they decide to cut you out of the equation, as you are ok with them shagging anyway.....

I reckon swinging would be safer. I would not dream of inviting a young single girl into my marriage.....

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 29/04/2009 23:35

Well it can be great, or it can go horribly wrong, but that's actually true of every sexual encounter and every relationship.
In general, it's better if the third person is someone you don't know from the rest of your life: if it's someone you met through a contact ad then s/he can just go home at the end of it and not be able to bring it up and embarrass you at a later occasion or whatever (though people who do it with a mate often have fun with no bad fallout).
Talk it tthrough with your partner thoroughly first and agree that: neither of you will blame the other if it doesn;t work out; that anyone's free to call a halt if s/he isn't happy - and that you will both treat the guest with kindness and consideration and remember that s/he is a person with feelings and not a walking sex toy.
It is often best to try going to a swingers' club for this sort of thing, as most of the people you meet in swingers' clubs will be fairly well sorted psychologically and will have experience: however, there are not that many single women who go to clubs by themselves.
However, if you use contact ads on swinger sites or in magazines, the people you meet will (again) generally have a good idea of what they want, unlike acquaintances with no previous experiences of anything other than monogamy.

diablodiamond · 29/04/2009 23:47

Think it depends on who wants it most. I'm not lesbian but had a fanatasy about a pal of my partners. but it was my fantasy. He didn't want sex with her and just wanted the visual side of girl on girl

OutOfThinHair · 29/04/2009 23:59

It is messy. But only if you do it right...

Original poster
naughtygirly · 04/05/2009 15:05

It was ace . Will certainly be doing it again. Has definitely not destroyed our relationship

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/05/2009 16:09

glad went well

assume you had another girl

would your dh mind if you had him and another man?

Showmeheaven · 04/05/2009 17:27

Wow, I didn't think you'd go thru with it tbh. Was she really pretty ? Did he shag her or make love to her ? Was there any jealously on your part at all ? Sorry for all the questions!!

Original poster
naughtygirly · 04/05/2009 17:39

We did have another girl. DH is up for another man but I am not sure at the moment. She was pretty but I wouldn't say more so than me. He definitely shagged her - he isn't in love with her so can't really make love to her He wasn't really rough with her but then he wasn't stroking her face and murmuring endearments if you see what I mean. No jealousy at all. We are very highly sexed and very dirty so just see it as something filthy that is good fun. We don't just use it as an excuse to have sex with other people. The sex we have afterwards at home on our own is the best but this is good fun. Might sound weird to some people but we got on really well with her, had a good night out and everyone had fun with no downsides. We are going to a swinging club in a couple of months time and might do a full swap there. This whole thing will be a 3 or 4 times a year thing not all the time.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/05/2009 18:13

so you dont mind your dh shagging another woman, but you are not sure if you want to shag another man?

AnyFucker · 04/05/2009 18:23

what were you doing while he was shagging her?

Original poster
naughtygirly · 04/05/2009 18:25

Yes but only because I feel a bit self conscious with another man. This was all my idea not just some sneaky way for him to get another woman into bed :P

Anyfucker - I was involved most of the time and the rest well it is obvious I think. I wasn't watching TV!

OP posts:
MrsWeasley · 04/05/2009 18:35

Glad it all went well for you.
Just being nosey now but will you be doing it again with the same girl?

Original poster
naughtygirly · 04/05/2009 19:08

Mr Naughty Girly here.....
Just thought I would add another perspective here.
I see the majority of people here "condemn" (maybe not the right choice of word, but I'm sure you get my drift) what me and my other half have been up to, but there are some important things that you guys are missing.

You only ever hear of the relationships that 3ways have broken up. How many of your friends do you think would tell you that they were thinking of or had had a 3way? Not many. I know this, because we havnt told anyone either, It is quite a taboo subject. You will only hear about from your friends if it did go wrong and was the cause of the break up of the relationship.

Now for us, this was quite an experience, one we will probably repeat. It was her idea in the 1st instance, and being a bloke I would not say no lol! We have been together a very long time, and had a very active sex life, and this is just an extension/progression of that sex life. All the way through we were VERY aware of eachother, and how the other was feeling. There were "signs" arranged to tell the other if they felt funny, jealous, awkward etc, and this made it more relaxed as we both knew that the other was ok, and if not we knew what to do to make it ok. Fortunately, the signs were all positive and we had a really good time.

Half the reasons for the relationship breakdowns mentioned in previous posts, as far as I can see, are all down to the man wanting to stray anyway, "I want a threesome" says he, and "with your best friend", the real translation of that is "I want to have sex with your best friend". Of course a threesome in that instance is going to result in a relationship breakdown. People venturing down that route, I agree are destined for problems.

I don't believe that our situation is unique, I believe there are many other couples out there whos relationship is strong and can actually benefit from things like this. Since we started down this route, we have spoken with many couples in a similiar positions, who are still happy, still together and still playing. How many of your friends could be "one of those" couples? I bet you know at least one couple who are doing this kinda thing and you have no idea that they are.
And for what its worth, I see no difference between this and swinging.

I hope that this has helped a few of you see our perspective, its not always a bad thing..........

OP posts:
tessofthedurbervilles · 04/05/2009 19:21

It is a fine line getting the dynamics right but I think a couple who successfully do this are well communicating and well adjusted to each others needs. If there is no petty jealousy or insecurity involved then sounds like a lot of fun and good on you both!

conniedescending · 04/05/2009 19:25

totally disagree with this sort of thing

and I absolutely hate all the 'well being a bloke of course I agreed' sentiment.....as if all men would shag somebody else if given the opportunity.

All men are not like this and find it quite frankly distasteful

Obviously something missing from the relationship - and there will be fall out.......one day