he helped himself!

[notinlove]

had a night out last night came home rather pissed and slept really heavily but was woken by pain in my arsehole as partner of 7 years decided he wanted a shag and just basically helped himself!! I woke up as "it" went up wrong hole (sorry this is kinda tmi i know) anyway i was really upset that he did this whilst i was passed out! i feel like he has betrayed my trust by shagging me without my permission and if i hadn't woken up he would have continued!!!
havent been on mumsnet for ages and ages but i really need some advice about this

Your friend sounds an idiot- who needs friends like that FGS? All of MY friends would disagree!

Are these DCs the DCs of this man?

Who owns the home you live in? Or rent?

I am sorry to say this, but you don't really seem that annoyed with him from your tone of lanaguage,and the fact that you want to delay any conversation in case it upsets your children. Surely as an adult, you can have an adult conversation with this man, out of earshot- like when they are all in bed? Or get a babysitter and go out for a chat somewhere?

most decent, moral and kind men would not do it. shame she is also with someone who thinks forcing himself in an insensible partner is ok

far better to get out now. if he 'gets away' with this, what will it take to get you out?

you are not happy, there are serious issues and you don't need to marry him to keep the children settled!

you settling for this relationship is hardly going to make you happy and content and provide a stable happy background for your family

i would go to police tstation. report a rape. and have him removed from the home.

and the fact that you even have to ask the question, means he has normalised an abusive relationship - becuase no sane person would think this is normal - or a mistake - or opps won't do it again

its rape

Most men wouldn't do this.But I'm not sure its rape if you were both off your faces and aren't 100% sure of what was going on.have you had this sort of drunken can't remember the details ex before?Although how he could mistake which orifice he was putting it is is beyond me

ok didn't read that.Still think if that sort od middle of the night sex is common within the relationship he might have assumed she was up for it.He abused her trust and took advantage of her being drunk.Only the op can decide whetehr to take this further

Just shows the type of men your mate hangs around with. Most decent men would not do this!

my friends response has shocked me too

only the youngest of my 3 DC's is his, but i've been with him for 7 years, and i must admit it has been a rocky road, thats normal tho i supose. The house is rented thank god! so i don't have to worry about morgages etc

he knows i would not have been up for sex anyway as i hate being woken up early at the weekends! i have said this to him and he just said he didn't think.

well i have asked him to leave, he thinks i am going OTT about it all, but i am just seeing it as the last straw!

i just spoke to him and i am fuming... he has gone from saying he thought i would like being woken up by sex to saying he thought i was awake as i was moving??!! i couldnt have been moving in a way that would make him think i was into having sex with him because when i did wake up i was shocked and could barely move i was so hungover, hes turning this around!

I don't know ( sighing emoticon) - this is all a bit odd tbh.

I can see that for some couples, sleepy sex in the morning is fine- no big deal.

What are you mad about? The fact that he didn't ask you 1st, for either "usual" sex or anal sex,- or the fact that it was anal?
If it is the latter, has he done that before- when you were consenting?

If it was the former, well, I can see that some men might quite innocently, try it on, in the morning, and hope their DPs would respond.

Without reading all your posts again, I cannot remember whether you pushed him off straight away, when you woke up, or if he had been at it for some time before you woke.

I think only you know whether he has crossed some kind of line, having sex ( or anal sex) with you against your will and without consent, or if this was just "horse play" that went a bit wrong.

Is anal sex something he wants but doesn't get? I still find it hard to understand how he could lose his sense of direcion so easily, as anal sex is supposedly quite tricky without lubrication and he could well ahev hurt himself in the process! was he acting out a fantasy of some kind and taking advantage of you being comatose?

No real advice- either it IS a big deal for you or it's not. The rest of your relationship doesn't sound too good anyway.

Sounds to me like he fancied a bit of anal sex, and thought you'd be comatose enough not to notice. But just to be sure, he had "normal" sex with you for a few minutes first, checked that neither you nor your child woke up, so decided to go for it.

Sounds horrible to me, I can't see it any other way.

I think you might be right Rebecca.

he says he will move out, i hope he doesn't drag it out. thanks to all your advice,

well as someone who had this happen to them a lot during my relationship with my childrens father i can tel you that this is RAPE. it will not be the first time he has done it/tried and he will probably do it again.

but tbh your tone really doesn't sit with somone who has just woken up to find she was being fucked in the arse without consent.

I hope for all concered that you are a troll. if your not then you need to realise that this man IS a cunt