he helped himself!

[notinlove]

had a night out last night came home rather pissed and slept really heavily but was woken by pain in my arsehole as partner of 7 years decided he wanted a shag and just basically helped himself!! I woke up as "it" went up wrong hole (sorry this is kinda tmi i know) anyway i was really upset that he did this whilst i was passed out! i feel like he has betrayed my trust by shagging me without my permission and if i hadn't woken up he would have continued!!!
havent been on mumsnet for ages and ages but i really need some advice about this

Look, OP, you either are disgusted with him and want to end the relationship, on the basis of non-consensual sex, or you think it is just not that big a deal.

I can see how a child of 3 could end up in their parent's bed, but if it were me, I would rather buy a sofa bed and sleep on it, and let my DC have a room of their own. Even 3 yr olds can be aware of what their parents are up to, whether in the same bed or just the same room. It doesn't exactly give you much privacy does it?

I really don't know why you posted your question. If you can't work out how you feel about a man who has sex with you whilst you are more or less unconscious through drink, well what can anyone else say?

Me too.

Muffin gratefully accepted, MS.

Either this is the same poster as last year, or there is alot of this going on..or it's a troll. Vote now!

You are too emotionally distant to what happened for it to be real. It does not ring true. It is insulting to people who actually had this happen to them, like somebody pointed out earlier.

how pissed were you?

'i don't think dp had intended on big noisy sex with child in bed btw but still i wouldn't have consented '

Right, so that's why he, although sober, accidentally put it in the wrong hole.

Trip trapp

Womens Aid will be able to advise you on what to do and where to go if you want to leave the relationship.

FWIW, my ex husband raped me many times... it does happen and it is scary, but you somehow get used to it, or expect it... doesn't make it right.

If you want out, ring WA - 088 2000 247 for advice.

to all the people who think im a troll---peeeeessse off and don't reply to this thread then- i don't mind one way or the other!

in contrast i really appreciate the other posters advice and yes i think i know i need to finish this relationship, he says he wasn't thinking and i know after this he wouldn't do that again but i don't think i can forgive him i feel really betrayed

i know its a big deal but its hard as dp keeps saying it wasn't etc
Thanks for the link to the similar thread, I am reading through it, seems this thread much seriouser than mine, i woke up and stopped it continuing but if i hadn't it would have been a very similar story i imagine :/ Still my bum is sore but not bleeding or anything

noddyholder- i waas dead pissed, got home at 4am and fell into bed and this happened at about 9am but i was zonked

expat- he was doing it to the right hole for he says a few minutes, i did not feel him do it i was asleep it must have slipped out and he continued poking and it went up my bum and thats when i woke up as it flipin hurt

thanks for the number lewisfan, really sorry to hear your experience, glad he now an ex.

DDs dad did this to me too. After the second time, he was out on his arse the next day, and I've never regretted it for a second.

Perhaps I'm so old that the rules have changed and sex is done differently nowadays,or maybe I'm just not made the same way other women, but I cannot imagine how on earth it's possible to accidentally slip it into the wrong hole sans lubrication.

Does he have a weeny teeny peeny?

I have to agree.

Anal sex is not easy I assume even if you are willing and lubricated.

You also said he was at the right hole for a while and you were asleep- well, why he did he change course?

On another tack altogether, getting so pissed that you pass out in effect, or don't wake up when you are entered , is not exactly good for you either. Judgemental yes, but might need saying.

get rid of this dirty dirty bastard

I can imagine that if I was deeply asleep, drunk or otherwise, and DP starting getting a bit rude, I might quite easily get a bit nuzzly and make encouraging noises while still being totally unaware what was going on.

Just thought I'd throw that in.

i was on my side, i imagine thats why it was possible to get it in. he doesn't have a small willy, so i must have been really out of it to not notice straight away.
I totally agree i shouldn't have got that drunk in the first place.
He says he didn't mean to hurt me and he was just horney and thought he would wake me up shagging me.
I want him to leave but i don't want him to cause a scene in front of the kids and i know that he would.

Whatever he says to try to make it seem ok, it was sex without consent. Anal sex is never an 'accident' either. I would kick him out and call the police.

It is possible for a nice man to make a bit of a mistake ie starting a bit of a fumble when you are asleep because he is half-asleep too... but a nice man apologises immediately he realises that it's unwelcome. Your P sounds like a nasty little beast who thinks he's entitled to sex on your body whenever he feels the urge. I wouldn't be at all surprised to hear that he's generally selfish and inconsiderate and doesn't treat you with much respect. Probably time to throw him out.

so WHAT do you want to do OP??

OP just said "I want him to leave but don't want him to make a scene in front of the kids"

OP, Can you get someone to take the kids so you can chat and make him leave, if thats what you want, and that way he wont be making a scene in front of the kids.

he isn't really a nasty beast type of man but maybe a bit stupid, there is no way he didn't know that i was asleep, he says he didnt think about it, he thought i was doseing etc he thought it was ok, he didn't see our 3 year old in bed with us either, he said he couldn't see over me, but then he didnt think to check either

When i woke fully and first questioned him about it he was pretty rude tbh and dismissive of the whole thing, he became more apologetic later on yesterday after he realised i was pretty pissed off about the whole thing as i barely spoke to him all day.

I have spoke to him today and told him that i want to break up properly, he wants me to take more time over the decision and not be hasty and then i start thinking i am being selfish, my kids should be my first priority not me, and splitting up with him is not going to benefit them much!

and to add confusion I just told my real life friend and she says most men would do this!! and hers has tried in the past......