So...honest thread about what men really think when their wives put on weight post DCs..

[PussinJimmyChoos]

I know I've put on weight post DS...I was a curvy 10st pre DS

I was constantly hungry during pregnancy and put on 4st. Have lost two stone of that (DS is nearly three) but still have the post baby tum, stretch marks and a c section scar from an em cs. I am hour glass with it and go in and out in all the right places, so do look womanly, but am definately padded!

I know DH doesn't find me as phyiscally attractive as pre DS...hell I don't find me as attractive but what I find hard to cope with, is that he is obvious in his dislike of the extra weight

This change in body shape is due to becoming a mother...I don't have the energy most nights to do work out DVDs..I'm too busy working part time and I do all the cooking, cleaning, menu planning and shopping..in short, I'm putting my family first before myself really

Do men see that women are putting their energies into the home rather than themselves and act accordingly, or do they just think blimey luv, time to shift the baby weight??

i dont think it always is an excuse

pre kids my body was 'happiest at about 10 stone' i could eat whatever i like and do whatever i wanted exercise wise and be ten stone

post kids my body seems to prefer 12.5 stone, i can fight it, diet and exercise and get down to 11 st 7lbs say but then i only have to eat one slice of cake or miss a week of gym (say if kids are ill) and im back to 12.5 st, whereupon i can eat what i like not exercise at all and not increase in weight

has been the same whilst bfing both kids

macdhowto - teribly terribly smug and shows total lack of understanding of (1) some women are far more prone to weight gain and some women are naturally slim (2)there are myriad reasons for overeating to whatever degree (just as for smoking drug addiciton etc and not that easy just to stop)

No, I am not smug.nor am I not understanding- far from it. But Iwon't accpet excuses from people who over eat and don't exercise, which is what weight comes down to.

Some people do have faster metabolisms- but I am not one of them! At 5'3" I weigh just under 8st- about 7.7lb on a good day- and I have to work at staying that way, and I still have a good covering of blubber- constant denial of all things that put weight on if eaten in excess. Every day, I eat about half of what I want to- otherwise I would be fat. I was fat as a pre-teen, so much so that I couldn't get clothes to fit, being quite short- and I never want to feel that way again. Plus there is a history of heart disease on my mother's side of the family, and I am looking after my arteries as much as my waist line.

My waist is bigger than before babies- evidently your rib cage moves and your pelvis too, and you cannot get it back to a pre-baby size.

Getting back to the original post- I think all men are different, and unless they are prepared to be honest, you can never know if what they say to you is true anyway! I think a few pounds either way is fine, but I have no sympathy with women who put on 4 stones then wonder why their DH's don't fancy them or start looking at other women. Not so say that is right- but men will be men.

I know lots of women who don't lose weight BF'ing, I know lots who gave up BF in order to lose the weight.
I was really healthy throughout my pg with DS2, reined in my eating, had an energetic toddler to look after and swam 3 times a week, I still put on over 4 stone (he was a big baby), whilst BF I exercised more and really ate healthily, if I was hungry I ate fruit. But I could only lose 1.5 stone. The rest came off really easily after I stopped breastfeeding.
My husband still fancied me, I didn't feel so great about myself and my body though.

Howtotellmum, I agree with what you say about weight gain but your closing statement:

'but I have no sympathy with women who put on 4 stones then wonder why their DH's don't fancy them or start looking at other women. Not so say that is right- but men will be men.'

No sympathy? That is rather harsh.

Yep, the "men will be men" comment is harsh and misguided.
I certainly don't look after my weight so that I can stop DH from running off with some winsome willowy floozy.
To suggest that all men would run off simply because their wives put on weight during their childbearing years is insulting to both sexes.

lol this looks like a good bunfight thread which i'll return to later but just to say dp has known me as an eating disordered size 8, a post-pg size 18 and everything inbetweeen and he's always fancied me. shocking news though it may be to some, it turns out fat girls can be just as good in the sack as skinny ones well at least as long as they're not made to feel ashamed of their body, which frankly i think is the least a loving life partner can do i think tbh as a fan of curvy girls he's a little dismayed at my current incarnation as some kind of fitness freak, but if it makes me happy (and, more to the point, frisky ) then he's happy.

howtotellmum i'm sorry your experience as a pre-teen has messed up your body image for good. to live a whole life of such deprivation, such self-denial is unhealthy and tbh tragic imho.

Actually she is not underweight. She, on a good day, has a BMI of 18.6 which actually puts her into normal.

She hasn't given any advice all she has given is her opinion and how she manages to stay slim.

self-denial is not always unhealthy, personally if i ate what i wanted every day my diet would consist of biscuits, smoothies and diet coke.

Im with you trefusis - howto you sound like you have food and weight issues to me!
far more than i do and I am the same height as you but nearly double your weight opposite extremes maybe but who has the bigger problem!
I take offense at the statement implying that my XH strayed because I was fat - I know lots of women with cheating H's who are thin or underweight - its the BLOODY arses of men not the women - are we bloody back to this stupid barking issue of looking after your man to make sure he stays - well f**k that - I know absolutely my new DP would not cheat no matter how fat or thin I was or for any other reason !!

I think she probably is a little underweight. I am an inch shorter and was a similar weight to howtotellmum before I had ds. I did look good but I was a size 6 and I had a clearly defined ribcage. I was actually advised to put on a little put of weight before I got pregnant.

Having said all of that I would rather weigh what howtotellmum weighs than what I weigh now. I do think it is healthier to be a little underweight as opposed to being a little overweight.

There are risks to both extremes both physically and psychologically!

Personally I look and feel my best with a BMI of about 28 - I have big boobs and hips - any less than that I lose from my face only and start to look ill I think!
I also find it impossible to maintain and am not prepared to live my whole life worrying about what I am eating !!
That puts me at about a size 12-14 and am more than happy with that - so I need to lose 3 stone and this thread has given me the motivation
BTW I wont call it baby weight if that makes anyone happy as DD2 is nearly 16 months - I'll just call it my overeating lazy bastard weight if thats ok

DH reckons I look better than I ever did (and he's known me since my late teens). I'm about the same size as I was in my 20s but fitter.

It took me a while after DS2 and I did ge very big for a while. I didn't push things.

ah Forever that is where research disagrees with you, apparently being a little overweight can be better for you than a little underweight.

trefusis you are right I didn't correct for gender apologies.

Thank you for your concern ladies about my BMI- my fat scales put my BMI at 19.6 today, which, according to my consultant gynae who I see on a regular basis for other things, but also an overall MOT, is "perfect". Too low is below 18, but even that is a generalisation. It also depends on your frame.

Ia m not underweight, thanks. I have rolls around my middle that should not be there, and a healthy 37% muscle mass and 23 % body fat distribution.

I am a bit annoyed milen (God what an awful name to try to copy!!) to be accused of having a messed-up body image. Thanks a lot- how can you possibly make statements like that when you don't know me from Adam?

My body is great thanks, and I like me as I am- a petite size 8-10 with plenty of flesh on the right bits. Measure your wrists if you don't believe in small frames or small bones- mine are 5.5 inches.

For me, denying myself an extra piece of cake or more chocs is better than finding rolls of flab around my middle, and feeling fat and unhealthy, so I'll stick with what works for me.

Erm tbf you did say 7.7 on a good day which is a BMI of 18.3.

I agree howto, it is not to make sweeping generalisations about anyone whatever their weight, tbh.

Your previous posts have implied that women who are bigger now than before PG are lazy and overeat, which is often simply not true.
There is another thread atm about a woman who is obese, who runs 1/2 marathons and eats a very healthy and low cal diet but cannot lose weight.

Not everyone who is overweight is lazy and stuffing their face and not everyone who is slim/thin has an eating disorder.

I've just been to read that thread and in her position and if what she said is true i.e. doing shake diet and only losing 2lbs then I would go to the doctor. In some cases there is a medical reason.

Having read that thread again I would also say she doesn't eat enough.