So...honest thread about what men really think when their wives put on weight post DCs..

[PussinJimmyChoos]

I know I've put on weight post DS...I was a curvy 10st pre DS

I was constantly hungry during pregnancy and put on 4st. Have lost two stone of that (DS is nearly three) but still have the post baby tum, stretch marks and a c section scar from an em cs. I am hour glass with it and go in and out in all the right places, so do look womanly, but am definately padded!

I know DH doesn't find me as phyiscally attractive as pre DS...hell I don't find me as attractive but what I find hard to cope with, is that he is obvious in his dislike of the extra weight

This change in body shape is due to becoming a mother...I don't have the energy most nights to do work out DVDs..I'm too busy working part time and I do all the cooking, cleaning, menu planning and shopping..in short, I'm putting my family first before myself really

Do men see that women are putting their energies into the home rather than themselves and act accordingly, or do they just think blimey luv, time to shift the baby weight??

for a year after 3rd dc i was a stone heavier than normal.dh didnt say anything at the time but has since said i looked horrid.i thought i looked healthy.-i was still only 7 stone fgs!

he likes my cs scar though and calls it the baby door.
he doesnt mention stretch marks so no idea what he thinks and dont really care.

you made and carried a child!theres nothing more amazing.

Interesting...am going to post this in Dadsnet too and see what they have to say - not sure many men have seen this thread

I don't think this thread is about "strechmarks and / or cs scars" it seems from the OP to be mostly about her weight. You can't do anything about stretchmarks and cs scars you can do something about your weight.

wished i hadnt opened this thread now!

i was always skinny, very skinny at points in pregnancy as i had hyperemesis but put on weight after dcs and for me the bfing just made it worse, i tried so hard to loose weight after having ds but my body wants to be about 12.5 st and will try and force its way there

as soon as i stopped bfing dd alot of weight dropped off without my doing anything, however i fight to try and loose weight but as im bfing ds it just does not shift

i do feel a bit shitty about it as i hate the way i look but try to console myself hat exclusivve bfing for 6 months followed and still bfing now ds is 1 is good for his health and wellbeing

Well although dh would never say it out loud i know he prefers/finds me more attractive whem i'm slimmer.

But do you know what - i prefer my body when i'm back to my normal weight. Also shallowly i wouldn't find DH so attractive if he was overweight .

I'm pregnant at the moment and will do another year of breastfeeding so don't expect to lose the weight quickly but i will lose it as i find i get quite depressed if i'm too heavey.

I asked DH about this last night, he said that I was the "same as before the boys, but fitter and more toned" (I exercise more regularly now.
He did say that we both put on weight easier these days , due to our age so we both need to be careful. And it seems harder to lose nowadays.
I put on a hell of a lot of weight during pg (4 1/2 stone). I enjoyed not dieting, I've always had to watch my weight. I think my boys were made of cheese, chocolate and pret a manger's coronation chicken baguettes .
It took me at least 9-12mths to lose all the weight but I actually weigh less now than pre-dc. I am also fitter and healthier as I exercise more.
Still have saggy bits though

I'm afraid i haven't read all of the posts, but i thought that some advice i was given yesterday might help. I was speaking to my aunt about how i struggle to get my horses ridden because of everything else i have to do, she said i need to make time. This time is for ME so i don't think it's as important as everything else. But it is very important so make time for yourself everyday. PJC make time to do your excercise dvd/go for a run or whatever because you need it - mentally as well as physically

Sorry, meant to add that DH will fancy you more when you feel good about yourself - its all about confidence

I put on 3 stone when I was pregnant, no idea why I put on so much as I didn't eat for two.

I lost it by ds's first birthday, my shape had definitely changed, I was rounder with hips and a belly that I didn't have before. I had an incentive to lose the weight as I was a bridesmaid just after ds's first birthday and a couple of weeks before the wedding I still couldn't get into the dress. I'm ashamed to say that I crash dieted as I was in a total panic about the wedding. Because I lost the weight so quickly I also put it it back on pretty quickly and a couple of months after the wedding I had put on a stone.

Ds will be 5 at the end of the summer and I dread to think what I must weigh now. Before ds I was a size 6/8 and I am now a size 14 (which fits snug around the boobs and waist) I must be about 3 stone heavier than I was before I got pregnant. I hate myself for having got into this state and it has totally changed me as a person. My confidence has gone and I avoid social invitations like the plague, I won't go anywhere where I think that I will bump into people who knew me before I became a mum.

I'm not sure what dh thinks, he can't be happy because as well gaining a few hundred spare tyres and countless chins I have also had a personality transplant, I'm not the person he married so it wouldn't surprise me if he feels resentful.

howto - teribly terribly smug and shows total lack of understanding of (1) some women are far more prone to weight gain and some women are naturally slim (2)there are myriad reasons for overeating to whatever degree (just as for smoking drug addiciton etc and not that easy just to stop)

My XH was totally and utterly foul to me about my weight and dropped my self esteem to zero!!!
My new DP cant tell me enough how sexy and gorgeous I am !!

FWIW I am the same weight now post 2 DC that I was when I first met XH and it didnt seem to bother him then at all - my weight has fluctuated up and down by 4 stone in the time I was with him!
I first met DP 13 years ago (and was about 3 stone lighter) he says I look the same bless him

To answer the OP's question - DH says he didn't mind me gaining weight with pregnancy (went from a 12 to an 18 - due to a combo of existing purely on chocolate and potatoes in the 9th month and stopping the only exercise I ever did - horseriding, couldn't whilst I was pg and couldn't afford it afterwards!).

I know for a fact that he fancied me less when I was that size as he became a lot less tactile, never initiated sex and treated me more like a sister/flatmate than a wife. Was still verbally very loving, but the lack of physicality was quite obvious to me.

Then I had to lose a lot of weight quickly in order to have an operation, did Lighterlife, lost 3.5 stone and as a happy bonus became a size 10. Suddenly DH got interested in me again... he swears blind he doesn't care what weight I am, but I fear his actions speak louder than his words.

Having said that, I fancy him more when he's slim than when he's fat, so I'm as bad (his weight would never stop me cuddling him or telling him he's gorgeous thought, because he is )

I don't think howto is being smug we are not talking about general weight-gain when maybe your reasons would come into play we are talking about weight-gain during/after pregnancy.

As for your 1) actually very few women are prone to weight gain because of medical reasons and the reason some women are "naturally" slim is because their calories in = calories out. If fat women are prone to weight gain it's more likely been because they have crash dieted in the past and buggered up their metablic rate.

metabolic even.

Alicecrail, definitely confidence is key, my DH loved it when I started exercising (running and the gym) when DS1 was about 1yrs old, not just for the aesthetics but because I think I started feeling more confident and proud of my body...which, erm, helped

I also get mad when people assume that all women lose weight breastfeeding, I didn't and my breasts (already large) were so cumbersome and unwieldy it was hard to feel in any way sexual. I felt that my body was for my baby, not my husband and certainly not for me. This is, (along with teeth that didn't stop biting) why I BF for 6mths only for each DS . Selfishly, I wanted my body back.
Once I stopped and my periods started again, I could tackle the weight.

Yup I never lost weight BF (and I BF for a year) - mainly I admit because I was ravenous ALL the time and even trying to eat healthy seemed to need vast quantities of food just to keep going!
My breasts were humongous as well (36/38 G/H) making exercise diffucult !!
And YES I know these are excuses - and YES I know that more calories in than exreted = weight gain - but it is not that simple at least not for me!
And funnily those who think it is "easy" are those who are naturally slim and who are naturally small eaters!
Will not hijack anymore, but think (having been there) and man who makes his wife feel less or ruins her self esteem because she has gained weight is a very sad pathetic man indeed!!!

I just don't get this Puss

'This change in body shape is due to becoming a mother...I don't have the energy most nights to do work out DVDs..I'm too busy working part time and I do all the cooking, cleaning, menu planning and shopping..in short, I'm putting my family first before myself really'

What's that got to do with anytihng. If [if] you want to lose weight yuo just eat less. How is that time consuming? people seem to approach weight management as some huge time consuming project.

If Ihad turned into a big old fatso after having kids, I have no doubt that dh would have gone right off me [while still loving me]. The same would be true for me of him. I don't find blubbery blokes attractive.

My DH doesn't seem to care and is much bigger than me anyway. I had to bedrest most my pg so could not exercise. Only have a stone or so left to loose. I never compare myself to celebs and most of the 'normal' people I know are big/bigger than me so I can loose the pounds in my own time!

macdoodle I am neither naturally slim nor a naturally small eater what I do admit is the reason I am overweight at the moment is because I eat too much. It really is that simple.

Also studies has shown that for most women who breastfeed for 6 months they will lose their baby weight in that time.

However I do agree that even if the OP has put on weight the fact her DH is making her feel like shit won't be helping the matter.

A link to those studies would be nice please, my experience is that it is anecdotal??
I am fully aware that I eat too much which is why I am fat - that still doesnt mean it is easy to change, as it is not easy to change any entrenched behaviour!
I never wanted to lose weight for my XH as all he did was put me down, if anything I ate more and more because I was miserable and wanted him to love me no matter what!
I do want to lose weight for new DP because he is so lovely I think he deserves it
But I know the only way I lose weight is when I do it for me!!
Just have to get DP to stop taking me out for nice meals

this does seem to suggest it though after 12 months there is no difference

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19064514?ordinalpos=5&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsP anel.Pubmed_DefaultReportPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum

I've put on weight because I've eaten too much

The trouble is that when you are a mum (or a working mum if you don't have kids all the time) sometimes EATING is the only thing you do for yourself. It's SO EASY to give yourself a little eat-treat now and then. Dieting IS miserable. So it's a very forgivable and easy habit to fall into.

I don't think one can make sweeping judgements as to how easy it is to maintain or lose weight post baby.

I've always been very skinny and I have noticed that since having my children I have gone up a stone in weight (which is fine as I was very underweight previously), however my younger sister struggles with her weight and she was very slim pre-children too.

I was once informed by a woman who had one child and lost all the weight as soon as child was born, that another mum was just lazy as she had not managed to lose weight after having her child.
I don't think it's that simple, some people do lose weight very quickly post baby, and some people suddenly find their bodies have completely changed post baby and they cannot shift weight as easily as they were able to previously.
I thought the woman was a cow, and a small part of me hoped that next pregnancy her body refused to ping back, it's all great if your weight drops off without your doing anytihng, but that doesn't mean others who dont lose weight as fast post pregnancy are somehow using having had a baby as an excuse!

My sister has had two em-c and I think that may be an added reason for her weight gain, because for ages she couldn't do much without being in excruciating agony.

I guess the only thing I can advise is to eat sensibly and walk absoloutely everwhere... but I've decided to embrace my figure, heck I could have spent my entire life trying to make myself attractive for ex and he'd never have been pleased, because he was a twat (and no oil painting either).

My husband still fancies me and wants to have sex with me. He still cuddles me and is proud to be seen with me, despite being three stone over my normal weight. He says he doesn't care whether I'm fat or thin and I believe him completely. He's also North African by the way.

No one here said it was easy and the OP used the baby as her excuse.