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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

So it appears that x had 50 + other "encounters" while we were together.

7 replies

Springfleurs · 15/04/2009 09:33

Thats it really.

Feel totally sick and numb and terrified that I might have something.

I knew he had been unfaithful but nothing like this.

I am too scared to even make an appointment to get checked out.

Can I just get a few words of strong advice and comfort please. I have no one I can tell this to in RL.

OP posts:

flightoftheeasterbunyip · 15/04/2009 09:35

Gosh how awful for you

How did you find out? Could it be he is exaggerating?

noddyholder · 15/04/2009 09:36

Oh I am so sorry.It always angers me when someone not only disrespects but risks the health of the other person.Go and get a check up to put your mind at rest.How long were you together 50 seems a lot?!

Original poster

Springfleurs · 15/04/2009 09:39

Together for 8 years. He went out alone an awful lot and sometimes disappeared for days at a time. I think it was possible.

OP posts:

lalalonglegs · 15/04/2009 10:44

He has behaved recklessly and hurtfully - I think his behaviour could be potentially dangerous so I would urge you to go to a doctor and find out if he has infected you in any way. Being too worried is no excuse, you owe yourself this - your health is non-negotiable.

I'm really appalled that someone could behave so cynically - you must be devastated but, to have been so single-minded about chasing other women says a lot more about him than it does about you.

You say that you knew he had been unfaithful (although not on this scale) - try to remember what he has said to make you continue with the relationship in the past and steel yourself against it this time.

Original poster

Springfleurs · 15/04/2009 11:14

I have made an appointment. I knew I had to was just dreading it.

I feel glad to know now. At least I know the full extent of it. It feels like a release tbh. I have spent so much time worrying if it was my fault that things were bad between us. I have posted so many times about him but I couldn't seem to link up that it was ME I was posting about.

He said he didn't know why he was doing it to begin with because he loved me so much but as time went on it got easier and easier. I knew there was more so it was always simmering under the surface. I feel shit but glad at the same time to know everything.

I will never go back to him. This is what i needed to know so I could move on properly.

OP posts:

nikki1978 · 15/04/2009 15:53

Oh hon that is awful. With regards to worry about having caught something there is always a chance but most STD's are treatable and chances of catching HIV even from an infected person are quite low (I have friends who are doctors not making this up ).

I'm sure you will be fine. Go find yourself a lovely man or have some fun being single ;)

HappyWoman · 15/04/2009 16:06

it is not you in anyway. He has an addiction and like any addition he will find it hard to give up.
He may well have loved you - but not willing to 'give up' other women. The more he did it the easier it became.
He was probably even lying to himself some of the time - and he almost certainly wasnt doing it to HURT you (even though he was of course).

Well done you for getting yourself checked also - and i hope everything is ok.

At least you can move on now a bit wiser now.

Flip