Anyone else come back from their in-laws feeling as if they are going to explode?

[Legacy]

I did. And I'm sorry, but I need to vent it here, because it won't help my relationship with DH if I vent to him (I've done that before... )

We only went on Sunday, but I really felt as if I would have bitten someone's head off if I'd had to stay a moment longer...

• MIL complaining about some 'coloured men' who mugged someone in the local park

• the constant force-feeding of our kids chocolate, biscuits, cake, and other general crap, and then the raised eyebrows when they start getting boisterous

• FIL always saying how 'lovely' it is to have 'the family round the table' and then completely ignoring me and the kids

• MIL saying things to me like "I imagine you'll want to get the kids ready for bed" and me replying, "er no, DH can manage that on his own (it was his turn)" and her replying "oh really, how strange..."

• SIL letting her bad-mannered daughter finger all the food until she finds what she wants

-SIL insisting that our kids just had to have an ice cream when we were out despite me pointing out that they'd already had quite enough junk food for the day

• MIL asking if teachers were all still 'Miss' and unmarried these days, and when I laughed and said of course not, said, "Oh I do feel sorry for them, I have no idea how they can work, do their housework and look after the family whilst working full-time" (clearly a jibe at me, since I work nearly full-time, although not as a teacher...)

• FIL, MIL and DH walking about 15 metres ahead of us for 1.5 hours when we went for a walk, leaving me completely to marshall, cajole and stop the kids falling in the river.

• FIL 'sitting' me at the end of the table at any meal, saying "I expect you'll want to keep an eye on the kids..."

-MIL telling DH how well he has raised the children, as they sit quietly at the table playing with the games and activities I've made sure we bring to entertain them throughout yet another long boring meal...

• FIL asking me if "my little job" was "keeping me busy" (I run my own consultancy in school hours/evenings, and had a turnover of £150K last year.... )

AND PROBABLY WORST OF ALL...

-DH letting all of this waft over him, lapping up the perfect father comments, not supporting me in the slightest at any point, and getting angry if I dare to suggest that his parents are being even the teensiest racist/ sexist/rude/unwelcoming etc.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!

YABU I reckon. PILS all do stuff like that...getting wound up is just bad for your blood pressure.

Oh, apart from the walking ahead thing. But I'd have just said Oi to dh.

It's not an AIBU - I sort of know it's to be expected , but it still makes me angry, feel unappreciated as anything other than a grandchild-producing machine, and free childcare while they swan around with their son....

I think DHs should at least be mildly supportive?

What the feck were you doing at MY PILs?

Oh, and the other thing - whenever FIL starts any conversation he just addresses my DH by name, thereby excluding the other 4 people present....

This is in relationships, not AIBU BoF!

LadyG - make me feel like I'm not alone at least.... what do YOURS do?

Legacy - how do weekends work when you go to your parents? Does your husband do most of the childcare while you get a chance to natter to your parents and catch up?

Well, Legacy, on one memorable occasion they made me eat in the kitchen with the children while DH, SIL, BIL and PILs ate in the dining room.

ooh loving this I feel your pain, I went to inlaws Easter Sat, and came back yesterday.
Wihtout fail dh always says it is such a long way to go for only 2 nights
but 2 nights is all I can stand

major annoyances were:

• we went out for a lovely walk, dh, kids and FIL went off ahead leaving me walking like an old person with MIL, listening to her go on and on about this house, that house etc that I've heard everytime we go 'oh did you know FILs mother went to school there' 'yes because you told me that the last 500 times we've walked past said building'

• bedtime - neither of the kids would go to sleep (too excited), MIL 'oh it's all new isn't it, they're too excited' said 1000 times, arrgghhh, yes i know my own kids thank you

• same as you with the junk food, had hideously huge Sunday lunch followed by ice cream, walk into town 'let's get the kids an ice cream', me 'er, no, they had one literally 20 minutes ago at home' cue wailing from the kids 'I want an ice cream'

• MIL every 5 minutes 'this tea is nice have you had it before' me - 'what Tetleys, er yes!' fgs, FIL 'how do you find this wine, it's a really good one, don't know how I always find these' me - under breath 'it's Hock, it's hideous, and hardly unique'!!!!!

• and lastly going on and on and on about your family tree is very very very boring even to your immediate family, I do not care that great great great Uncle Bavaria was a policeman, I really dont

arrgghh, that feels better!

I'd kick my DH into touch and refuse to visit the buggers again unless he promises to be in your corner next time!!

Gruesome in-laws

DF - sadly it's not comparable, as my mum is dead. My Dad lives near us and pops round throughout the week, but DH doesn't really engage with him that much (although does help out with things like his car etc, to be fair).

I always end up cooking when Dad is here, and he and DH watch the TV .

Thing is, DH isn't a very traditional bloke, and is very hands-on with the kids, but when he's with his parents he reverts to being like his own father which is highly irritating

am just glad the athelitics wasn't on this time , FIL 'ooh they always win those Africans, running away from tigers trained them' or some such racist crap

PMSL...I had just looked at a thread all about how things should be filed correctly in topics and my confuddled brain goes and makes the opposite error

Sorry Legacy. I do think you need to learn to shrug off though and give your husband a bollocking as they won't ever change, honestly! Here, have a glass of wine!

I don't know why just because in-laws are fucking awful we should all just put up with them

You wouldn't let other folk speak to you like that would you???

sorry to go on but the thing that irritates me the most is when we're eating any meal the conversation always goes on to the next meal without fail.
So I'm tucking into my Special K, and MIL will say 'oh for lunch is this that and the other okay', I'm eating lunch 'so for dinner we're having xxxx'
aarrgghh, don't let your life revolve around food lady, tis very dull
we told them we're coming for xmas (more fool me) and she immediately asked what we wanted for xmas dinner....

Oh no, you're all ignoring my posts, maybe I should have started my own thread

That all sounds spookily familiar....

At the weekend my PILs didn't provide my DD with her own portion of food. I was just expected to give her some food from my plate

And for lunch on Easter Sunday they didn't even set a place for her at the table.

Lucy - I think they're worse than mine!

MIL also does this weird thing whereby she seems to think that if the 'men' (i.e. DH/FIL) are having a conversation then she should distract me with some meaningless small talk, so that even if I am in the middle of a discussion about something interesting (heaven forbid) she will call me away saying "oh do come and see this vase I bought in XX last week". She has absolutely nothing interesting to say - she managed to stretch 15 minutes about the restaurant being quiet yesterday .

I think you stunned me with the tiger comment tbh

yours sound worse!!

aGal - I agree with you!

aGal - I agree with you!

twice, apparently

I know BitOfFun, isn't it awful? I'm always so stunned he says it every time and i can never think of anything to say back

and yet another thing, at night they both snore chronically, it reverberates all roud the house so I have dh snorning next to me, and PILs snoring in the room next door, I don't get a wink of sleep

and the kids got up at 5am and instead of saying to then ffs go back to bed now - they let them get up and watch cartoons

oh and FIL has the TV on all day all the time

sooooooooooooooo glad to be home