Anyone else come back from their in-laws feeling as if they are going to explode?

[Legacy]

I did. And I'm sorry, but I need to vent it here, because it won't help my relationship with DH if I vent to him (I've done that before... )

We only went on Sunday, but I really felt as if I would have bitten someone's head off if I'd had to stay a moment longer...

• MIL complaining about some 'coloured men' who mugged someone in the local park

• the constant force-feeding of our kids chocolate, biscuits, cake, and other general crap, and then the raised eyebrows when they start getting boisterous

• FIL always saying how 'lovely' it is to have 'the family round the table' and then completely ignoring me and the kids

• MIL saying things to me like "I imagine you'll want to get the kids ready for bed" and me replying, "er no, DH can manage that on his own (it was his turn)" and her replying "oh really, how strange..."

• SIL letting her bad-mannered daughter finger all the food until she finds what she wants

-SIL insisting that our kids just had to have an ice cream when we were out despite me pointing out that they'd already had quite enough junk food for the day

• MIL asking if teachers were all still 'Miss' and unmarried these days, and when I laughed and said of course not, said, "Oh I do feel sorry for them, I have no idea how they can work, do their housework and look after the family whilst working full-time" (clearly a jibe at me, since I work nearly full-time, although not as a teacher...)

• FIL, MIL and DH walking about 15 metres ahead of us for 1.5 hours when we went for a walk, leaving me completely to marshall, cajole and stop the kids falling in the river.

• FIL 'sitting' me at the end of the table at any meal, saying "I expect you'll want to keep an eye on the kids..."

-MIL telling DH how well he has raised the children, as they sit quietly at the table playing with the games and activities I've made sure we bring to entertain them throughout yet another long boring meal...

• FIL asking me if "my little job" was "keeping me busy" (I run my own consultancy in school hours/evenings, and had a turnover of £150K last year.... )

AND PROBABLY WORST OF ALL...

-DH letting all of this waft over him, lapping up the perfect father comments, not supporting me in the slightest at any point, and getting angry if I dare to suggest that his parents are being even the teensiest racist/ sexist/rude/unwelcoming etc.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!

Izyboy- The ILs think they're being nice perfect hosts. Leaving me to sit by myself they probably told themselves that it gave me a rest!
I wish I'd quit visiting years ago; would've saved me years of grief!

MIL came round with 2 lemons a few xmass ago and said that she had been thinking how nice it would be to have all her family round for a meal ...all 16 of them

DH asked what had this to do with 2 lemons she told him they were for him to make lemon chicken and that they would be round to ours the next day at 12.00 OH and I couldnt have my parents round it was her family time .She just didnt want the mess or the hassle she had already invted them to ours but not told us till last

The cheeky cow I put my foot down and they did`nt come
Shes never forgiven me for spoling her plans

for some reason when thinking about my PILs I loose the ability to spell
SORRY

It's strange isnt it? I feel with my ILs that FIL is typical '50s middle class male and MIL is typical (fairly glamorous) '50s middle class female. FIL spends all his time playing golf, MIL spends all her time looking after the house and waiting on FIL. They have lovely holidays want for nothing....but they seem to somehow lack 'spirit' 'depth'. I dunno.. I think there is a real generation gap and I just dont understand them at all.

Daisy dreams your ILs are just plain RUDE tho'. They deserve a Travel Lodge.

izy - that's exactly how I feel.... I know that MIL had the potential to be a bright, interesting individual - she has even done evening classes in things like English Lit and History of Art, but she never brings any of it into her personality, or her conversations - it's all a veneer of tea, cake and doilies! She is so unbearably subserviant to FIL - she's wanted to buy a dishwasher for about 15 years, but FIL won't 'let' her .

It's as if they're caught in some strange time warp... However at the end of the day I just have to remind myself that they're in their late 70s/80s, so they're not going to change now.

FIL is likely to go before MIL (older, less good health) and I do wonder whether she might be one of those people who has a later-life rebellion! If she does, I'll be there to help her all the way...

Ah, IL's. I don't see mine any more, DH sees them & sometimes takes DC's with him! I stop at home with the pets and have "me" time, and everyone's happy.

Aw that could be the saving of her Legacy! My ILs are not that old, 65 and 69 but its still the 'aspirational' generation caught between the '50s and swinging '60s. All the material benefits but still with the '50s formality and observance to 'manners'.

2luverlykids I've suggested that approach but DH needs me for conversation 'duties'.

I should copy DH and let it waft over you.

I too have tried to engage them in intelligent conversation but they talk over you, or mil tells me to let fil finish speaking when he's telling me what to do, cook, watch on TV and so on and on and on!
Or shouting at my kids because my sil has left her 4 for a baby sit session knowing we were visiting for our hols = frazzled fil. That's a whole other thread, needless to say the next time we visit, we'll be taking the tent, camp miles away and we'll see them as part of a daytrip!
Sometimes I think dh is not of that family at all.
They are indeed very rude. But my way of coping has been to assert my rights as mother of dc's and say I will not visit them unless on my terms, likewise they will not stay in our house ever again, only visit.

Should I phone the Travel Lodge and warn them in advance

I totally agree. Only consolation in my house is that DH agrees
My MIL is a 70's reject who told me this weekend at 7 months pregnant I am inappropriately dressed (in tunic top /jeans skirt) and I should be wearing a Diana Smock
and they make such a mess!!! how many plates/knives do you need to make a sandwich 7 really