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Original poster

When he says "I love you" does he mean it? after such short space of time?

62 replies

TheLindtBunny · 12/04/2009 21:33

Been with current partner just over a month. Have known him in passing for a couple of years. He says he wanted to speak to me years ago but never had the confidence.

So in this past month we have seen each other a lot. We have been for a meal twice, cinema once, for a drink once, a walk along the river once, 2 full days out with the kids etc (the kids knew each other before) and he has cooked a meal once.

He has told me he loves me. He seems to mean it. But can he? or is it all lust?

I have had 2 past boyfriends who claimed to love me and I now know they probably didn't even know the meaning of the word so is it possible or should I take it as a throw-away comment?

OP posts:
hopelessinlove · 12/04/2009 21:41

bit early imo
but look who's talking

YanknbeforetheCockcrows · 12/04/2009 21:42

Seems kinda soon for it. Then again, I had a boyfriend who didn't say it for 8 months (waiting to be sure), and then he dumped me 4 months later just when I needed him most. Did he love really love me? I don't think so. Did he think he loved me? Probably.

I don't think you can really know. Don't say it back if you're not sure. Love is more than words, as I'm sure you know by now.

BrokenFlipFlop · 12/04/2009 21:53

I totally agree with Yank. I would say it is a bit soon but then who knows?

I know that when I met dp, I probably thought I was in lurve within a month or so of getting together - in fact looking back, I think it was a mixture of lust, infatuation etc. I don't know. Maybe it also depends on what your dp has experienced in the past ie maybe he has never felt like 'this' before about someone and so to him, it is love??

As Yank said, dont commit yourself until YOU feel ready. Try not to feel under pressure to tell him you love him (although I know its awkward when someone says it to you first).

He actually sounds like a lovely chappie.

Original poster
TheLindtBunny · 12/04/2009 21:57

He is lovely He keeps telling me he wishes he'd spoken to me all those years ago and I've made him so happy. We do have so much in common and when we're together it's like a carry on film, so much goes wrong but in a funny way. Like last week we went to the forest and his daughter took off her shoes to go paddling in a stream. A few minutes later we spotted said shoes travelling lazily down the stream my ex would have hit the roof at such an event and would have really gone mad and spoilt the day. But he just laughed and then fell over as he tries to rescue them...and then he just laughed more he's such an easy person to be around but he says I make him feel that way!

Look at me getting all soppy pmsl.

OP posts:
hopelessinlove · 12/04/2009 21:59

oh yes he sounds great
sounds like you like him a lot too
my nm said it after a couple of months too and it scared the bejesus out of me
keep going and having lovely times and see how you feel

YanknbeforetheCockcrows · 12/04/2009 22:04

Awwwwww....well if it isn't exactly 'love' now, it certainly sounds like it has potential!

Try not to over-analyze the guy. If he's not pressuring you to say it back, there's really not much to worry about. Enjoy getting to know him better!

BrokenFlipFlop · 12/04/2009 22:05

Oh I think he sounds just great and I totally understand what you mean re his laid bk approach to things ie not getting stressy etc.

I think you should simply enjoy every minute and when you feel ready to open up more re your feelings then tell him. For now, just have a wonderful time

(I'm kinda envious btw!)

ABetaDad · 12/04/2009 22:17

TheLindtBunny - well it is entirely possible that he really does love you and that he has thought about you many many times in the the last few years.

"He says he wanted to speak to me years ago but never had the confidence."

That rings a lot of bells. It took me two years to kiss my wife and say 'I love you' but it truely was love from the moment I met her but I was very shy.

He sounds like a good one. Sounds like your problem though is how to respond. Maybe ask him to talk about how he really felt about you when he first met you. It could be revealing and surprising.

sayithowitis · 12/04/2009 22:52

Well, I said it, and meant it, after we had been going out together for four weeks. He told me a couple of weeks later. We married five years after that and have been married over 25 years now. So, IMO, not too soon, but you know him and whether it is likely to be true! Have fun!

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 12/04/2009 22:59

Well he sounds nice. It is worth bearing in mind, though, that some people say 'I love you' more than others - and not in a way that means they are lying, more that they are affectionate individuals who are used to expressing their affection. If you are happy in his company, enjoy the relationship: if you are feeling pressured and rushed then tell him to back off a bit (or leg it if you feel really uneasy).

Stuffed · 12/04/2009 23:00

Isn't "I love you" what blokes say when they want to sleep with you?

ABetaDad · 12/04/2009 23:11

Who said romance was dead?

blueshoes · 12/04/2009 23:23

Not all men will say those 3 words spontaenously. I am inclined to think that if they do, it will be sincere. Otherwise they will be king rats of the highest degree. You know in your heart whether he means it.

NotPlayingAnyMore · 12/04/2009 23:27

No offence to you personally, but it's easy to love someone you don't know.

Potential is good though

zisforzebra · 12/04/2009 23:39

Awww, he sounds great! I agree with everyone else who said to just go with it, keep having fun and say it back when you mean it.

My (now) DH said it within a month of us getting together and it totally threw me. My response was "I'm getting fond of you too!'

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/04/2009 23:50

my dp said it within a month of us getting together and on our 1 month anniversary went and had a tattoo done of our initials and the chinese symbol for love. took me a lot longer to have our initials tattoed but i did it the summer of last year.after 3 1.2 yrs together

ABetaDad · 12/04/2009 23:55

I always feel so uplifted reading these threads because it brings back happy memories.

"I'm getting fond of you too!"

Now that is embarrasing.

Alibabaandthe40bunnies · 13/04/2009 00:04

Zis that is brilliant

OP - I don't think it is too soon, but then DH proposed after 5 days so maybe I'm no judge. Having said that we've been together 4.5 years, married for 1.5 and are v.v.v.happy.
Your NM sounds lovely - if you like him then just go with it. Don't feel pressured into responding too soon, but it doesn't sound like he's pressuring you so that's good.

Mumcentreplus · 13/04/2009 00:05

my DH said it very soon before we even got going!...I didn't believe him (told him too)..but it's about showing it as well as saying the words..v cute ..he could be a keeper

elfinblast · 13/04/2009 02:36

Someone said "I love you" to me after only 3 days and asked me to marry him.

Hmmm. No.

He told me he loved me every day and repeated the proposal a couple of times a week. Eventually some weeks later we were in the pub and he was telling the bar he kept asking me to marry him and in the end I said the beer said said "Oh OK if it will shut you up"

That was all 10 years ago and he still tells me he loves me every day.

I'm still drunk.

AitchTwoOh · 13/04/2009 02:58

oh yes, dh told me he loved me after a few days, i told him a couple of days after that, we moved in together after a month and we've been together ten years. easy-peasy.

your new chap sounds lovely. (and your old chap sounds like a pita...)

solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 13/04/2009 09:00

I do think, though, in general, people should not learn to judge other people by their actions, not their words. For instance, some people will say 'I love you' and mean 'I think you are a really lovely person'. It's not necessarily a cue to start buying wedding magazines. Yes, of course, some people will say it because they think it's what you have to say to get sex off someone. And others will say it because they are insecure desperate loons and what they mean is 'You have to be my partner, and you aren't allowed to look at or speak to anyone else, and you have to do everything I want, because I've said that I love you.'
And OK there are the ones who say it because they think that the person they are saying it to is someone they could marry and breed with. But don;t forget that what you want matters as well. There is sooooo much more to life than pairbonding, and having someone say 'I love you' is not the biggest deal in the world and certainly not the end of the game.

lilacclaire · 13/04/2009 09:23

DP told me he loved me after about a month, he then went on to admit he loved me the first moment he saw me .

Anyhow, I felt the same, you just know when its something good.

noonki · 13/04/2009 09:30

My parents claim to have fallen in love at first sight. They are still happily married 40 years on .

Mind apparently my mum thought my dad was a bit of an idiot once he started trying to show off in front if her and took all of two weeks to convince her to get engaged.

Also my grandparents were married within six weeks of each other, they both had kids already and 55 years on are still together. Not that I advocate you doing the same!

As long as he treats you well, don't worry to much about the l word.

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/04/2009 10:08

My dad told my mum he was going to marry her the day they met. They did indeed marry and spent just short of 30 years together.

My Grandad told my nan within 2 weeks of meeting that he loved her and they were together 60 years.