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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why does dh lie to me?!

1 reply

cupofteaplease · 12/04/2009 19:51

Dh gave up smoking about 3 weeks ago- I've been really supportive and have praised him a lot. I used to be a smoker, so know how hard it can be to quit.

This evening, he went outside to do something non essential with the car. When he came back in I asked for a kiss, and as soon as he came near me I could smell the smoke on him, even though he was chewing gum.

I said something along the lines of me being disappointed that he had had a cigarette as he was doing so well. He then lied to my face, 'I haven't had a cigarette!' So I asked to smell his hands, and sure enough, his right hand stank of smoke

He continued to lie to me and said he was speaking to some people who were smoking and shook their hands- but he smells stronger than that.

Why/how can he lie to my face? It's so disrespectful. I'd rather he'd just admit to smoking, I would still support him. I know this probably sounds petty, and it probably is, but it's not about the smoking- it's the lying that hurts. I often feel he is telling me small lies that I cannot prove.

OP posts:
nikki1978 · 12/04/2009 20:04

My friend has exactly the same problem with her DP and it has caused massive problems in their relationship over time so you want to nip this in the bud now. Just sit him down and say it really upsets you when he lies to you and you are not stupid so know when he is doing it. On your part though he is probably acting a bit like a child if you are treating him like one (I know that sounds rude and I don't mean it that way!). But in the end he is a grown man and smoking is his decision so I would just leave him to it - if he wants to quit he will and you nagging him if he fails or just gives in to cravings a couple of times will not help. Many may disagree with me but my DH smokes and I never nag him about it. When I was overweight (by about 4 stone so in the obese category) he never nagged me when I got a takeaway even though I was technically risking my health. When I lost the weight he supported me but didn't nag if I slipped up.

Just my opinion anyway. Sorry if I have rambled on. Definitely have a chat with him though and ask why he lies - he will probably just say he doesn't want to make you angry

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