I am a reg that has name changed for this.
Please bear with me this could be long.
I have 2 ds's ds1 is 10 and ds2 is 18m. I have been with dp for 3 1/2 years now. He really is everything i could want in a man, caring, considerate, funny, good looking, everything really.
When we first got together i was going through a divorce and he was trying to get a divorce. His ex wife lives in canada, they were wed for a yr and he was going between the 2 countries to work here and then going back for a few weeks before returning to work again. It turned out that while he was here working she was cheating on him and when he came back the last time (july 2005) he phoned her when he landed here and she said for him not to come back as she had been with her partner for 18years on and off and they were moving in together etc.
We met the December 2005, new years eve. And just clicked. Anyway he still has not got the divorce he apparently so badly wants. I know he is not popping round to see her but all the same.....
I did something wrong in the first 2 weeks of our relationship and slept with an ex. I have no excuse or reason I was bang out of order for what I did but i can't change that.
He has just returned to work in January this year after being made redundant last June,and now i am so insecure, fed up, depressed and lonely that we keep arguing. He works bloody long hours and I am so tired at the end of the day that i need a break. When we argue he does manage to turn it round so it is always me who causes it? maybe it is but i am sure i don't cause every row.
I have told him again today that i want him to go and leave me....i don't, i don't know why I keep saying it it is not what i want. I do love him, I want to marry him and have him adopt ds1. I am fed up waiting it seems the divorce is never going to happen....he always says..."when we have the money" . I also seem to goad him when we are rowing as if i want him to hit me, obviously i don't but i can see myself goading him.
Also I want another baby and he keeps saying he is too old. I am in my early 30's and he is in his late 40's. I have told him i think it is unfair that he has said no without even discussing it but he says he won't budge.
I was in an abusive relationship with ds1's father and it fell apart before he was 2 yrs old. I then spent the next 5 yrs raising ds1 on my own and happy as well, if sometimes a bit lonely.
Why am I doing this, I am not an aggressive person nor do i really want to be on my own again.