How can I stop this bothering me?

[NotGettingWhatIWouldLike]

DH and I have been together a while.

He said we would do oral sex once we were married. I accepted that. He doesn't want it himself and would rather not give it I know.

Has done it twice since we have been married.

I have done the different positions he has wanted but felt a but hookerish as it was a case of you do this and I will do that.

It was okay but not great as I knew he didn't really want to do it.

Does it make a difference as he just wants sex in a different position whereas I want oral sex?

I haven't really wanted to do it with my exes and it is ironic I want to do it for him and he doens't want it but I do, and he won't.

Makes me feel sad, rejected, and rubbish as it makes me think of my ex who would do it.

Someone, somewhere, somehow, has taught your DH that sex is Not Very Nice, that it's a bit shameful, and that the less sex one has, the better a human being one is. He may well have a fairly low libido anyway (some people do) - if he had a naturally fairly high one he would have dumped this toxic idea long ago.
Now he is entitled to not be very fussed about sex, and to dislike some sex acts, but what he has to accept is that your desires (for oral sex and more frequent sex) are not shameful or wrong, and that while he doesn't have to just let you have sex or service you sexually when he doesn't want to, you shouldn't be expected just to shut up and forget about them. This is why I think that maybe a sex toy or two for you would be a good compromise if everything else in the relationship is ok - BTW try Lovehoney or DBT for UK=based sex toy suppliers.

I'd put money on it being subliminal messages from the religious aspect of his life - I've struggled with the same in my life (and about oral sex, strangely)

Saving himself, no gf til it was "going to go somewhere" or "worthwhile" and waiting for sex til you're commited are all strongly advocated in religious circles - as is the message that "sex is XYZ and don't you dare do anything else, or else it's hell for you, you sinner, you!" (well, in SOME cases)

You'll think me a freak if I divulge this, but who cares - I'm just a name on a talkboard... (Please SGB, don't pick on me! ) ...

I have never seen my fanjo - never looked at it... and have never tasted my own errr fluids from that area - in fact, the very idea of such fluids in my mouth makes me want to be sick (mens or my own), so I can understand where your DH is coming from...

but I'd try to compromise for a partner and it's that aspect that needs working on IMO between you; not the lack of oral or sex in general, but the lack of willingness to compromise because there ARE solutions that have been suggested (toys etc)

In fact, with support from a friend with benefits, shall we say(!), I've overcome the whole oral sex phobia and am able to give now, but have to stop before he excretes anything... he doesn't mind though - one step at a time and all that...!

If your DH has been led to believe that sex is Not Nice, then perhaps before you resort to sex toys, he should have some therapy to try to unravel his feelings on it all?

I think that if one person in a marriage is sexually repressed, (IF this is the case), then the other's use of sex toys may literally scratch an itch, but long-term it may breed resentment.

If this was, as you initially posted, JUST an issue over oral sex, then I would say fine, it's not for him, there must be plenty of other things you both like to do, and he may get round toliking it in time.

However, there seems to be more to it than that, including your mis-matched sex drives, and his idea that he is under pressure to perform.

If you bury all of this or brush it under the carpet, it is going to fester away until, perhaps one day you act on your fantasies about your ex, or another man who happens to turn you on and be available.

Much as I disagree with the idea that sex is something that should be avoided on superstitious grounds and that 'decent' people do it as little as possible, I am also just a little bit uneasy with the idea of booting a sexually-reluctant individual off to therapy with the specific intention of making that individual do more sex.
If you can talk to one another and are fond of each other and respect each other's feelings ie if there is plenty of goodwill, you should be able to come up with a compromise that suits you both.

I came downstairs for a bit last night and was going to sleep on the sofa. A good friend (thanks BH) texted me something and I went upstairs, woke up Dh and said I wanted to make up. He was really tired so we had a goodnight kiss and went to sleep.

We have talked today. Asked him all the questions that have been raised here and got the answers.

He is different from other guys I have slept with but I would still rather have him. He treats me better than anyone and tbh the only thing wrong with our relationship is we would like more sex.

He used to kiss my inner thighs and that was really horny and as far as he usually wanted to go, but that was fine. I am just having some head hassels and I think I have put it all on this thing as my ex would have done it.

He wants us to spend more time together as he often takes the kids out on his own and I stay at home. We all went out this morning and it was lovely.

He wants me to be on here less and that is fine as I know he is right.

We have been having little kisses when we see each other, he stroked my bum when he walked past, and I think he is just like a lot of people - he wants emotional closeness and affection and can't just preform at bed time when we have hardly been together all day or talked properly.

He is sending the kids to his parents one day so we can go to Anne Summers [shy]

Thank you all for being so supportive and helpful.

Aww, that's nice. Really hope you get it all sorted out (the essential thing is that you are both willing to make an effort for/with each other). Best of luck

Ah that sounds brilliant. I'm really glad you've made some progress. Enjoy your trip to Ann Summers

watch out NotGettingWhatIWouldLike he might get abit too much for you

Thats great news, enjoy Ann Summers

Hope so!!