My ex-p has moved to New Zealand and gave me and the kids 2 hours notice.....

[curvychick]

This is the 1st time i have started my own thread on here, so please be gentle. I'm not really too sure why i am posting this other than i feel so confused and upset for my boys i thought that putting it down i writing might help me to unmuddle my thoughts.....

Well i guess the title says it all really. My ex arrived here at 3 o clock yesterday to tell me and our youngest son (who's 3), that he was leaving to catch a plane to New Zealand at 5 o clock. No forewarning nothing. He said its my fault for pursueing a claim through the csa......My 3 year old didnt really understand and thinks his daddy has gone to Marks and Spencer on a plane! DS1 who is 6 is totally distraught though. He had dyspraxia with some Aspergers personality traits and doesnt take suprises, good or bad ones, very well at all. He just sat there crying quietly to himself when i had to go and get him from school and tell him what was happening. They both had a cuddle with their dad at home, before he unloaded all of the toys they kept at his house from the car, and he sloped off quietly while they were playing with all if their toys.... Ds1 cried himself to sleep because he wanted to give his daddy a cuddle. I didnt know what to say as i dont know if/when he is coming back and even if he is where he says he is.....

He has always been a selfish selfish man and has let me and the kids down countless times, but this is spectactular even for him. I ahte him so much for what he has done to the boys and for leaving me to deal with the tears and heartache while he is off living the life of riley halfway around the world, and i hate him for being such a weak and pathetic coward for leaving it to the last minute, to spare his own feelings and making it much worse for everyone else.

All of his family and friends knew he was going and not one person thought to let us know. I feel so gutteed for my little boys. I know that probably in the long run him going is for the best as he wont be able to hurt them or let them down anymore. I feel like a terrible mother for making bad decisions and letting him behave so badly for so long, when i should have told him to get stuffed years ago when the boys were younger and too little to understand. I just couldnt bare to give him the green light to walk away without a backwards glance, when really it was probably the best thing i could have done. I thought, that any kind of functinal relationship with their dad would be better than none at all.

My new dp is great with the boys, but he doesnt understand why i am so upset when all ex-p ever brought us was grief and tears. I cant help but feel so sad for the kids and so bitterly hurt and disappointed by my ex-p and the way he has gone about all of this.

I'm sorry for the spelling mistakes and if it doesnt make much sense. I just needed to vent.

Thanks for reading.

Just adding some further encouragement to pursue him legally. He is not entitled to forget about his DC and though you need not have any personal contact with him any more, set the wheels in motion for the authorities to get the money out of him (the fact that you can manage without the money means that you can enjoy any attempts he makes to drag the procedures out, knowing that in the end he is just making it worse for himself).

Message withdrawn

I didnt realise he would be googleable! He will be going into the music field and i believe he said yesterday that it was a music composition course which is why Victoria Uni looked like the likely candidate for where he will have crawled off to....

Your right SGB, the amount of times he has got into a muddle with csa arrears you'd have thought he'd have cottoned on to the fact get it sorted sooner=less hassle, but foolishly, i wrote to them a couple of times telling them that he had paid me the arrears money directly (when he hadnt) just to give me and the boys a quiter life if i'd have known then what i know now, i would have done things very differently....

Are you sure he has actually gone?? Maybe its a red herring to avoid the CSA...

That crossed my mind, Devendra, devious swine.

That crossed my mind, Devendra, devious swine.

The thought had crossed my mind too, but he had parked his car down the road and it was full with boxes and luggage bags etc. I am sure he has gone somewhere and the only places i can think of are 1, his girlfriends in London, 2, his dads in Suffolk, 3 his mum in Spain or 4, that he has actually gone to NZ. I think he has probably left the country, for at least the short term, as the csa have all of his tax details, NI number etc etc. They have traced him via them in the past to collect money from him as he wouldnt pay willingly and when he left us i had to claim benefits so the secretary of state basically forces the pursuit of child maintenence. Knwing his way of thinking he will try to sculk off and then sculk back at some point and try to fly under the csa radar.

After my wobbley start to the day which involved much crying and concern for the boys, i am now beyond FURIOUS that he could treat them like this, i know they are best off without this spineless wimp of a man, and i will hunt him down and and ensure he pays financially for his children so that myself and dp can give them all of the nice things that they deserve.

Good luck to you curvey I wish all the best in the world I really do. You do need to chase this becasue it's only right.

I also urge you to write/email his parents with the appalling facts of his departure. They are culpable in this, especially if they knew. They need to know the consequences. Keep coming on here for supposrt.

Never mind twat of the week, this guy deserves twat of the decade!

I think if you do find him on google, you should email the head of his department in the university too, asking if they can identify him for definite because he's abandoned his children and you're struggling terribly for money.
They'll no doubt reply that they can't get involved, but they'll be aware he's twat of the year, people will gossip, and nobody will want to be his friend.

Is he on Facebook or any of those? People are a lot easier to track down these days with the internet. It would be priceless if he thought he had escaped his responsibilities by either gong to the other side of the world, or pretending to, only for the csa to find him anyway...

If he has a girlfriend in London is he leaving her behind? Sounds a bit fishy to me.

This is just breathtaking. I don't know why I'm shocked - my own dad never paid one penny child support, never event sent a birthday card - but the sheer callousness of what this guy has done to his children....

Well, I'm just speechless. curvychick, you sound like a really sound woman and a great mum. I'm so sorry this scrote is putting you and your kids through this. All my sympathies.

he is leaving the country so he doesn't have to contribute financially to his own children?

What a bastard. What a wankstain. What a prick faced tit toothed fart arsed twat.

im so sorry cc. He is awful and you are all better long term without him. Cant belive anyone could do that to their kids. Have 2 the same age - elder also AS tendencies and can only imagone what they would be like in this situation (((())))

I love MNers when they get riled... It's like the Mounties and the goddess Durga rolled into one!

I'm so so sorry curvy. He sounds like a total twat. To be honest your post actually made me really upset as I simply cannot imagine how on earth someone could do that to two small children, particularly one with aspergers. I'm gob smacked.

I really feel for you as it must be so much harder feeling like you do not have total support from your current partner ie you said he doesnt quite understand why you're feeling so upset etc.

Hang in there

I'm so mad and feel so sorry for the boys and for you cc for having to witness it and reasuure. what a total wanker!

Perhaps I should keep my mouth shut but, if he is a student, will he have any income to offer in terms of child support? Make his life as uncomfortable as possible but will there be any financial gain at the end of it?

What an utter shit.
Avoiding his financial responsibilities is bad enough but the way he has betrayed his sons' love and trust is just unbelievable.

i'm so sorry, curvy, he's a disgrace.

I can't think of anything stronger to call this prize-winning arsewipe than what Hecate so eloquently came up with.

So I'm seconding her wise words.

Bastard.

Am SO angry for you I could spit. (And I'm normally very ladylike....)

Curvychick - I reckon you should pursue the matter and him through official channels but don't contact him directly.
You and your DCs neither owe him that nor need it in return.
Not giving him the satisfaction of letting you down again will be so much more satisfying for you in the long term