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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I feel so depressed, hate my husband, feel trapped, just want to cry

84 replies

SeaBrook · 22/03/2009 21:07

I have name changed but I'm not a troll, please be gentle, feeling tearful

I just feel so depressed with life and everything. My husband is a complete twat, sometimes I feel like I hate him and I think he must hate me but I don't know why. I try and think back to what I may have done to him to make him like this and I just can't think of anything. I just cannot carry on like this anymore I feel so lonely and trapped I cry all the time, I have a permanant headache, I can't eat anymore because my stomach is constantly in knots. I weighed 10.7 on new year's day and I now weigh 8.5. I'm sure I look terrible for it too and that makes me feel worse. Sorry for going on, I just want to talk to someone, I have nobody around me

OP posts:
100yearsofsolitude · 22/03/2009 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 22/03/2009 21:11

Sorry you're feeling so crap Seabrook.
Can you explain how you're DH is a twat etc. It might make you feel better to get it all out.

Mummyfor3 · 22/03/2009 21:15

Do not allow this to somehow become your fault! At the very least there are the 2 of you involved!
Agree with 100years, go and see your GP: to talk, be assessed for depression, consider counselling (yourself or as a couple) and for support.
This amount of wt loss is worrying, you feel physically and mentally unwell - please go and get help.
I am getting bad vibes from your post about your husband being controlling - why on earth would you think you have done something "to make him like this"? He is the way he is, and is responsible for his actions and for what he says.
Very best of luck. Do seek help. Please.

dittany · 22/03/2009 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumonthenet · 22/03/2009 21:23

seabrook, please off-load on here.

please let us support you.

trust your instincts.

it is not your fault!

Original poster
SeaBrook · 22/03/2009 21:27

Thank you for the replies.

Its just a string of incidents and I've had enough. Everytime he comes in from work I'm on eggshells wondering what mood he is in. If I go out I know he will start on me when I get back. If I buy something, he will make me feel like shit for it.

Tonight I was watching TV, I don't feel well so I was curled up on the sofa. He sat at the other end and put his feet up. Then he started poking me with his feet. I ignored it for a bit but it was consistant and getting harder and more painful. I asked him to stop as I didn't feel well so he laughed and carried on but started doing it alot harder. I ignored him because it was obvious he was just looking for an argument but I picked up a cup of hot chocolate and he poked me in the elbow and I spilt some of it down me. Red hot so it burnt. I called him a stupid twat which I know I shouldn't have done but he just laughed and did it again so I kicked him back and he dived on me and dragged me onto the floor, pinned me down and laughed at me. But this kind of thing happens ALL THE TIME.

The other night he went nuts because I received a text off a man from work (he checks my phone all the time). I told him it was just a daft text that he sends everyone but he went mad and started calling me a slapper and started shouting in my face. When I cried he told me to stop playing little mrs innocent or he'd give me something to cry about.

I dread the door opening at 6pm because I never know what mood he will come home in. If he wants an argument (90% of the time) he will make sure he causes one no matter how much I try not to.

I'm sorry I am rambling now, I don't have anyone to talk to.

OP posts:
controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 22/03/2009 21:29

how long have you been married? do you have dcs?

GypsyMoth · 22/03/2009 21:29

You need to get yourself out of that relationship asap! Family nearby?

PottyCock · 22/03/2009 21:31

That's awful Seabrook. What a bully. How long have you been together?

mum2samandalex · 22/03/2009 21:32

I agree you need to leave him before things get worse. Has he been physically violent to you before?

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 22/03/2009 21:33

He sounds like a bully Seabrook. Has he always been like this or has something happened?
I suppose you have to ask yourself if you want to try and sort it out.

Original poster
SeaBrook · 22/03/2009 21:35

He's never hit me but I think he's been very close. He's obsessed with me cheating on him and when he starts on about that he really goes close to the edge I think. He has pushed me around, held me against the wall, stopped me from walking away etc. Its not just me he's like this with though, he seems to hate everyone.

We have been married for 2 years. We don't have DC's together but he does have a child to previous relationship and I do too.

OP posts:
dittany · 22/03/2009 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prettyfly1 · 22/03/2009 21:36

Omg = Seabrook can anyone in rl support you. He pinned you down - that isnt funny and my dp would never threaten to give me something to cry about. You are being abused love and you really need to do something about it. Have you looked at refuges - is this an option. Hopefully sgb will be along soon - she is very knowledgeable about this stuff.

JeanPoole · 22/03/2009 21:37

omg that is horrible. you do not deserve to be treated like that.
i would leave asap

prettyfly1 · 22/03/2009 21:37

sea he was kicking you tonight, and you dont need to hit someone to hurt them - pushing you etc is more than enough. Has it always been like this - I know you said you have lost the weight since new year - did it escalate then?

GypsyMoth · 22/03/2009 21:37

It doesn't sound good......think you need to do some serious thinking about this, and maybe contact womens aid.

PottyCock · 22/03/2009 21:39

He sounds like someone full of impotent rage. Do you think he's trying to manipulate and push you into hitting him first so he has an excuse? It sounds to me like real physical violence is not very far away -the blocking you etc is physically imposing upon you so I suppose in a way it has already started.

Do you have anyone you can talk to or ask for help? Have you contacted Women's Aid?

You're not on your own Seabrook.

dittany · 22/03/2009 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyMothersDayFucker · 22/03/2009 21:42

what a twat

get out of there while you can

I won't even ask if he has any good qualities, it means nowt

this will escalate

how dare he put his feet/hands on you

just because he hasn't actually punched you, doesn't mean he is not using his greater physical strength to intimidate you

do you know what, although its not at all helpful, I would be tempted to get one of my brothers round to push him about a bit, see how he likes it

grr, I hate men like this

fucking bully

PottyCock · 22/03/2009 21:42

What's he like in other areas of his life Seabrook?

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 22/03/2009 21:45

Seabrook....to be blunt,I would leave him. You have no children together so this will make it less complicated.

Mummyfor3 · 22/03/2009 21:46

SeaBrook, your husband is showing v dangerous controlling violent behaviour. Just because he has so far not actually hit you, does not mean he will not in the future going by his inflammatory and derogatory behaviour towards you.
What he does is not right, not normal, not the kind of behaviour you would accept from any casual aquaintance, and it should certainly not come from the person who is ment to be your partner, an equal to you who you form a team with.
Do you have RL family or close friends you could confide in? If your husband is not keen on you seeing family/friends I am even more worried for you .
Equally the obsessing about imagined infidelity is a warning sign for a potentially abusive spouse as he could use jealousy as an excuse to "allow" him to hit you ("I love you so much, it drove me nuts to think of you with him").
Nobody should have to walk on eggshells in their own home all the time - you are clearly not talking about the odd occasion of grumpiness in you husband.

AnyMothersDayFucker · 22/03/2009 21:49

pottycock, who fucking cares ?

But I bet you a pound to a penny he doesn't treat his mates/work colleagues/boss with the same level of contempt as he does the OP

PottyCock · 22/03/2009 21:54

I'm bloody sure he doesn't - my point is that he's making a choice to treat her this way. My guess is that he's an underachieving little arse who's treating her like crap to give himself a little bit of power. It helps to be able to see the dynamics clearly - and it's simple things like that you don't see when you're living day in, day out in the way the OP is at the moment.