I feel so depressed, hate my husband, feel trapped, just want to cry

[SeaBrook]

I have name changed but I'm not a troll, please be gentle, feeling tearful

I just feel so depressed with life and everything. My husband is a complete twat, sometimes I feel like I hate him and I think he must hate me but I don't know why. I try and think back to what I may have done to him to make him like this and I just can't think of anything. I just cannot carry on like this anymore I feel so lonely and trapped I cry all the time, I have a permanant headache, I can't eat anymore because my stomach is constantly in knots. I weighed 10.7 on new year's day and I now weigh 8.5. I'm sure I look terrible for it too and that makes me feel worse. Sorry for going on, I just want to talk to someone, I have nobody around me

[SeaBrook]

I don't have anyone to talk to really. He booked a holiday to Venice for just the two of us yesterday and I just can't look forward to it because I know I will be on eggshells there too and he will throw it in my face next time we argue "I booked that holiday for you and this is how you repay me"

He says I'm violent (have never hit him, only time that comes close is when he blocked the doorway and I tried to push past him).

I don't understand him. Back in January I was having problems at work, one of the blokes that works there was picking on me quite a bit. DH kept asking me what was wrong, I darnt even mention men to him so I kept putting it off until I couldn't face going in to work. I broke down and told DH about this man. DH went absolutely ballistic, threw a fruitbowl at the wall which shattered everywhere, drove to my work and grabbed this bloke and threw him across a desk and had to be dragged off him by 3 other man. The police were called.

DH spent that night hugging me and treating me like a sick child. Swore nobody would ever make me feel bad again but he's the worst one for it

[AnyMothersDayFucker]

sorry pc, didn't mean to swear at you

these threads get to me too much

I vow every week to stay off 'em

do you see my point though

too many times you read "but he is a good father", "99% of the time he is a good husband....."

it just isn't enough is it?

[PottyCock]

Not what I was thinking at all but you're alright - makes my blood boil too!!

[Mummyfor3]

SeaBrook, look at this thread
Does this all sound familiar or am I barking up the wrong tree?

[AnyMothersDayFucker]

seabrook, is this any way to live

any example to subject your dc to?

my God, why are you still with him?

fuck the holiday, he is trying to buy you

[Sheeta]

re: dittany's post. please call them.

You poor soul.. if I knew him I would personally beat him with his own limbs. I'm sorry, but he sounds like the most awful man I can think of.

Get out. please.....

kekouan @ hotmail. com if you need to talk, and I will gladly listen. take care bear.

[SeaBrook]

I don't want to go on the holiday anyfucker because I know it will just be used against me later. I have to be careful not to smile at anyone too much or compliment anyone, be overly friendly. Even if I did all that he will find something to start on me for over there, I know he will.

Will look at that thread now mummyfor3, thanks

[PottyCock]

I'm reading your thread title again - you're not trapped, you do realise that don't you? You don't have to be beholden to anyone in life. You are your own person and are capable of walking away from this, no matter how much he tries to demoralise you into believing otherwise. You do not have to live like this. I really feel for you.

[blossombelle]

please don't make excuses and don't keep thinking things will get better, there won't be a next time etc etc
he is using bullying, controlling, posessive and dangerous behaviour.
he doesn't need to hit you before you feel justified in leaving him - leave now whilst you have the strength to and whilst you can rebuild your self esteem - it does not sound a healthy relationship imo

[AnyMothersDayFucker]

sorry seabrook, I didn't mean to harangue you

just re-read your Op and you asked for gentleness, and you get my fish-wife reaction

please know you deserve better than this

[tattifer]

Seabrook I helped a friend escape from an abusive marriage some years back. She is a different person now. What she considered normal behaviour was abuse plain and simple. She had become a shadow of the person she really is. Get some help, leave, follow dittany's link to the womensaid site if for no other reason you will find on there a long list of constitutes abuse and I suspect recognise many of the criteria.

Good luck.

[echt]

Seabrook - I feel like a fake posting here. I've experienced nothing like this, nor personally known anyone who has.

However.

He is a bastard of the first water. All that "play"poking with feet shite - just another way to make you feel like an overreacting girly.

He's a horrible, horrible shite. Don't go to Venice with him, you deserve to see Venezia without that scum-sucking pig spoiling your memories.

You have excellent advice from women who know well. Follow it, and good luck.

Just in case I haven't made it clear - kick the fecker to the kerb.

[Mummyfor3]

Hi, SeaBrook, just to say hello.

You know we are all hear if you need us. Post whenever you want to or feel we have anything to contribute.

Don't post if you do not feel like it or you have had enough of all our half-baked advice . I am only too aware that none of us will ever get the full story from a few lines on an internet forum, however what you have posted about his behaviour and how he has succeeded in making you feel shit and as it all of it was your fault is v typical of an abusive relationship.

Repeat after me: nobody has the right to make me feel bad about myself . Hope you are ok today.
Go buy yourself a bunch of daffs today, I just got some for 99p and they have cheered my up no end - and my messy kitchen.

[Mummyfor3]

Hi, SeaBrook, just to say hello.

You know we are all here if you need us. Post whenever you want to or feel we have anything to contribute.

Don't post if you do not feel like it or you have had enough of all our half-baked advice . I am only too aware that none of us will ever get the full story from a few lines on an internet forum, however what you have posted about his behaviour and how he has succeeded in making you feel shit and as if all of it was your fault is v typical of an abusive relationship.

Repeat after me: nobody has the right to make me feel bad about myself . Hope you are ok today.
Go buy yourself a bunch of daffs today, I just got some for 99p and they have cheered my up no end - and my messy kitchen.

[TheProvincialLady]

I just want to agree with you. Your husband is a twat and is making you ill, scared and unhappy. You are not making it up or imagining it. That is the situation and I am very sorry Do you want to do something about it?

[tattifer]

Careful with the flowers - he may think someone bought them for you

[AnyMothersDayFucker]

tattifer, that just about sums it up doesn't it

[tattifer]

Unfortunately yes.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

SeaBrook

Bet this "man" of yours is charming to everyone else around him isn't he?. Many abusers are plausible to those in the outside world. It is only behind closed doors that his true colours emerge. You are with a very dangerous man who is also not above using violence.

Reckon as well he could nto do enough for you either when you first met. It is only over time that their true nature emerges; controllers cannot hide these behaviours for ever.

You are in an abusive relationship and your H is a controller. You are in a cage of his making. Controlling behaviours as he is doing is abusive - no two ways about it. You're being ground down by him to accept his ill treatment and he is doing a bang up job of shattering any self esteem and worth you have left. Small wonder you are depressed and losing weight - he is the root cause of your unhappiness. You cannot continue to live with this man under these circumstances.

You may want to go to the library or bookshop and read a copy of "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft. You will find your H in those pages; this books details controlling behaviours.

My guess is you have no-one in real life to talk to because he's managed to isolate you from your family and friends (who may as well wonder why a nice person like you married him in the first place).

[NotPlayingAnyMore]

If I were you I wouldn't go to Venice. I've been abroad in an abusive relationship and had no-one to turn to.
If at all possible I'd spend the time getting his stuff out of the house and him out of your life.

[Nabster]

I have only just seen this.

Seabrook

This man is abusing you.

He is being violent and has been to another man.

He is emotionally threatening you.

You are living your life in fear.

You have 3 1/2 hours until he comes home.

Make this the last day you dread 6pm.

The minute he starts, call the police.

Do not let him do this to you anymore.

Do not let your child grow up in an abusive home.

[MadameCastafiore]

Look at your child and think about what sort of lesson she/he is getting as to how a relationship between a man and a woman is supposed to be like.

That is what made me get out - when DD who was 2.5 said 'Daddy don't hit mummy!' - he was just pinning me up against a wall at the time!

If you can't do this for yourself, get out that is, do it for your child or this abusive cycle will go on forever until someone is brave enough and has enough self respect to turn the tables and realise that the abuser behaviour is not their fault and they do not have to put up with it.

Please do something now before it is too late.

[muffle]

Seabrook I think you want to leave him and you can and, I think, you will. It is great news that you do not have DCs together - you do not have to worry about access, damage to your own DC from the split etc.

As well as posting on here which is great, you can go to women's aid for advice and support, you can also lodge a report of his threatening behaviour with the police (who already have note of him which helps), set up a place to go (friend, family member or refuge) and go - you don't have to discuss it. If you get any trouble from him, get the police onto him at once.

You will come through this and look back one day and you won't be having to feel this fear. As you said yourself, you cannot carry on like this any more - and you don't have to.

[AnyFucker]

I hope she is OK

[tattifer]

Seabrook - if you need any further persuading - children see 75% of what goes on in an abusive relationship. Never think that you'll be able to protect your child from the impact of the abuse even if outwardly it is only towards you.